conversation.
so yesterday hanging out with everyone was really good.
i felt like nick was kind of annoyed with me, but it happens.
i just feel bad that i dragged him out when he was so tired.
sigh. i'm too selifish for my own good sometimes.
i should have let him go home and sleep, he probably
would have been happier then, too. ergghhh. forgive me?
after that i went to work, which was dull, as usual haha.
after work, i got a chance to talk to devin about everything.
mostly i just talked a lot and he just listened a lot.
but i'm glad i got stuff off my chest. so that's good, at least.
i'm still praying for all of them, and i really hope clare
doesn't end up following through with dumping chris.
i couldn't stand seeing him that broken. i would cry.
so anyway. here's the conversation. :]
rockk4christ (11:07:13 PM): how was faith night ?
dEvzAp516 (11:07:45 PM): it was really good
rockk4christ (11:07:56 PM): sweet, what'd you guys do ?
dEvzAp516 (11:08:58 PM): we like split up into guys and girls and like talked about what we've been struggling with and how our faith has been
rockk4christ (11:09:13 PM): sick :] good people there?
dEvzAp516 (11:10:20 PM): yeah
rockk4christ (11:10:33 PM): nice.
rockk4christ (11:10:37 PM): so did clare do it ?
dEvzAp516 (11:10:43 PM): i dont know i havent talked to her yet
rockk4christ (11:10:51 PM): oh okay.
rockk4christ (11:10:54 PM): so okay
rockk4christ (11:10:56 PM): for real
rockk4christ (11:10:58 PM): you don't feel bad at all?
rockk4christ (11:11:08 PM): about like, breaking your 18 years of being best friends?
dEvzAp516 (11:11:19 PM): wel im kinda hoping that wont happen
rockk4christ (11:11:28 PM): it's too late
rockk4christ (11:11:35 PM): he's insanely and incredibly pissed off at you
rockk4christ (11:11:39 PM): just about bowling and the play
rockk4christ (11:11:46 PM): he doesn't even know you've officially stolen her
rockk4christ (11:11:50 PM): did you really think he wouldn't be upset?
rockk4christ (11:11:54 PM): that's insanely naiive.
rockk4christ (11:11:56 PM): and a lot selfish
rockk4christ (11:11:59 PM): just so you know :]
rockk4christ (11:12:03 PM): like, douchebaggy selfish
dEvzAp516 (11:12:46 PM): i know
rockk4christ (11:12:59 PM): i realized that
rockk4christ (11:13:03 PM): like, i was praying about it after
rockk4christ (11:13:04 PM): and i realized
rockk4christ (11:13:05 PM): no offense
rockk4christ (11:13:09 PM): you're being the worst friend you can be
rockk4christ (11:13:27 PM): like, going behind your best friends back and throwing away an entire lifetime of being best friends
rockk4christ (11:13:29 PM): so you can get what you got
rockk4christ (11:13:32 PM): * want
rockk4christ (11:13:42 PM): you've hurt SO many people and you have no one's respect anymore
rockk4christ (11:13:49 PM): i just hope this doesn't screw you over in the end.
rockk4christ (11:13:59 PM): like, if i was chris, i would want to kill you.
rockk4christ (11:14:10 PM): who am i kidding? he already does want to kill you
rockk4christ (11:14:15 PM): and he hardly knows anything yet.
rockk4christ (11:14:18 PM): i just wonder if it's worth it
rockk4christ (11:14:29 PM): like, literally ruining their relationship because you can't stand being alone
rockk4christ (11:15:12 PM): that's the equivilant of me making chris mccrum leave katie for me.
rockk4christ (11:15:18 PM): that's so low.
rockk4christ (11:15:28 PM): no offense. just being an honest friend :]
dEvzAp516 (11:16:08 PM): you're making alot of accusation right now that are putting all this on me
rockk4christ (11:16:17 PM): and like, i'm praying for all three of you a TON. i'm just afraid to see how this is going to play out.
rockk4christ (11:16:21 PM): mostly, yeah.
dEvzAp516 (11:16:46 PM): i dont know why you're accusing me of all these feelings and motives that have never been in my heart
dEvzAp516 (11:16:55 PM): and i have prayed about this A TON
rockk4christ (11:17:02 PM): mhm.
dEvzAp516 (11:17:04 PM): i have faught this idea A TON
rockk4christ (11:17:09 PM): don't give me the sympathy guilt card
rockk4christ (11:17:12 PM): i'm not taking it
rockk4christ (11:17:15 PM): i'm just saying
rockk4christ (11:17:19 PM): it's shallow and douchebaggy.
rockk4christ (11:17:24 PM): i'm not the only one who thinks that
rockk4christ (11:17:44 PM): you have mad people who like want to HURT you. who are so pissed off at you and who have absolutely NOOOOOOO respect for you whatsoever anymore
rockk4christ (11:17:50 PM): so don't give me that
rockk4christ (11:17:56 PM): i don't want to hear it
rockk4christ (11:17:58 PM): what you're doing
rockk4christ (11:18:05 PM): is a huuuugeee dirtbag move.
rockk4christ (11:18:10 PM): no matter what the intentions are.
rockk4christ (11:18:14 PM): that's all i'm saying
dEvzAp516 (11:18:42 PM): i realize that but you're not doing it in a way that makes me respect what you
dEvzAp516 (11:18:45 PM): are saying
rockk4christ (11:18:58 PM): well
rockk4christ (11:19:06 PM): i don't think i respect you anymore, either.
rockk4christ (11:19:08 PM): so i guess we're even.
rockk4christ (11:19:11 PM): which sucks
rockk4christ (11:19:15 PM): but i don't know how else to say it to you.
rockk4christ (11:19:17 PM): like, i could lie to you
rockk4christ (11:19:20 PM): or sugarcoat it
rockk4christ (11:19:23 PM): but i'm trying to be honest
rockk4christ (11:19:26 PM): so you know what's going on
rockk4christ (11:19:33 PM): if you'd rather i not be honest
rockk4christ (11:19:34 PM): then fine
rockk4christ (11:19:35 PM): i won't be .
rockk4christ (11:19:40 PM): i just thought it'd be good to hear the truth
rockk4christ (11:19:45 PM): i forgot that you run away from your problems
rockk4christ (11:19:52 PM): and that you wouldn't face it.
dEvzAp516 (11:20:15 PM): like i realize what you
dEvzAp516 (11:20:19 PM): are saying
dEvzAp516 (11:20:38 PM): but like really you're saying a bunch of things about me that aren't true
rockk4christ (11:20:52 PM): no, they pretty much are.
dEvzAp516 (11:21:24 PM): and making it seem like im the only one involved in this and like i just did everything i could to get her to like me and like tear her from chris when thats not how it happened at all
dEvzAp516 (11:21:46 PM): and like i kept running from it for awhile and the more i faught the stronger it came back
rockk4christ (11:21:56 PM): okay
rockk4christ (11:21:59 PM): then in that case
rockk4christ (11:22:01 PM): what i meant it
rockk4christ (11:22:02 PM): * is
rockk4christ (11:22:11 PM): poor devin, i hope you guys get married and chris is invited <3
rockk4christ (11:22:36 PM): you really can't expect me to give you sympathy though.
rockk4christ (11:23:18 PM): i understand how it is having feelings for someone and fighting them . the nick situation? but i'm not convincing him to be with me. i'm taking space, because i just got out of a long relationship and so did he, and we NEED the space.
rockk4christ (11:23:54 PM): you, on the other hand, are persuing a relationship with clare while she's INNNN one, still. i know she's in with you , too, but her and chris have been together for a long time, and in case you missed it, they're still together.
rockk4christ (11:24:53 PM): i know she's " not feeling it anymore" or whatever. it's just funny that it just HAPPENS to be since we broke up and you fell back into love with her. you just have to realize that she could feel pressured by you liking her into doing something.
rockk4christ (11:26:08 PM): like, after you left yesterday, i felt better. like, i was so glad to have the closure and i won't lie, i was relieved it was over.
rockk4christ (11:26:13 PM): but i started crying for chris.
rockk4christ (11:26:19 PM): do you know how broken he's going to be?
rockk4christ (11:26:36 PM): his life revolves around clare. he worships her. he's more madly in love with her than any guy i'm seen in my life.
rockk4christ (11:26:43 PM): and his best friend since he was in diapers
rockk4christ (11:26:48 PM): is taking all of that away from him.
rockk4christ (11:26:51 PM): and he knows.
rockk4christ (11:31:25 PM): and you know what i just realized? things with clare and i have been really good lately. but you're going to turn around and tell her all of this, and the chances are good that she'll be mad at me again. but that's okay, because i needed to tell you the truth. i'm tired of hiding behind fear of people getting mad at me. this is something that is painfully obvious, and needed to be said. so you can be pissed off at me, i'm sure you already are, and i'm sorry. but hey, sometimes the truth hurts. and GOD, i've been praying for you guys so hard. and it literally breaks my heart to see you doing this. but i can't control either of you, so what happens, happens. just know i'll be praying for you every step of the way.
dEvzAp516 (11:32:43 PM): um im def not gonna tell clare any of this but you can keep accusing me of things if you want
rockk4christ (11:32:50 PM): it's just crazy to see how much a person can change.
rockk4christ (11:33:03 PM): it's weird. because you're so different than how you used to be.
dEvzAp516 (11:33:11 PM): like how?
rockk4christ (11:33:43 PM): how is that an accusatoin? that wasn't even me trying to be mean, i just figured that since it applied to her and you guys talk, it would come up. not even in a bad way, it would be awesome if you could stop being defense.
rockk4christ (11:33:46 PM): * defensive.
dEvzAp516 (11:34:07 PM): how do you think ive changed?
rockk4christ (11:34:38 PM): a lot of ways, there buddy.
rockk4christ (11:34:42 PM): like i can't even explain
rockk4christ (11:34:47 PM): and EVERYONE is noticing
rockk4christ (11:34:50 PM): my dad is SO worried.
rockk4christ (11:34:53 PM): he thinks you're on drugs.
rockk4christ (11:34:54 PM): no lie.
dEvzAp516 (11:36:01 PM): like what is it that you think ive been doing wrong?
rockk4christ (11:36:14 PM): i never said wrong.
rockk4christ (11:36:24 PM): please stop jumping to conclusions, thank you.
dEvzAp516 (11:36:26 PM): okayokay
rockk4christ (11:36:40 PM): thanks
dEvzAp516 (11:36:37 PM): just the way you said it made it seem bad
dEvzAp516 (11:36:54 PM): like i havent been getting that vibe from everyone that ive changed alot
rockk4christ (11:37:02 PM): it was an accident, please forgive me for mis`speaking.
rockk4christ (11:37:08 PM): oh. well they think it.
dEvzAp516 (11:38:00 PM): is it like a bad different?
rockk4christ (11:38:44 PM): well yeah.
rockk4christ (11:38:46 PM): kind of.
rockk4christ (11:38:48 PM): mostly just yes.
dEvzAp516 (11:42:04 PM): whys that?
dEvzAp516 (11:42:34 PM): like i really would like to know because im confused and i dont wana like hurt people and id like to know what i can do differently
rockk4christ (11:43:08 PM): well, nothing will change the hurting people except the clare thing, and you're not going to change that, so it doesn't really matter.
dEvzAp516 (11:43:45 PM): okay so like is that all you're talking about when you say ive changed so much?
rockk4christ (11:43:57 PM): not realy.
rockk4christ (11:43:59 PM): * really.
rockk4christ (11:47:07 PM): i like the way steve put it .. that it just seems like you're becoming the pre`youth group devin. like, you're rusing into things and not thinking about the consequences and being wicked selfish. like, i know that it hurts. i know you want her. i know you've prayed about it. i know you feel pulled to be with her. but right now is a really hard time. and pulling this right now just looks REALLY bad. and kind of mostly IS really bad. you're hurting your best friend and all you're worried about is getting the girl. what happened to the devin who always put others first? who prayed about stuff and was agonzingly slow to jump into anything? who waited things out even if it hurt you really badly, because you knew it was God's will? the devin who talked to everyone and was there and worried about everyone else, who put others' feelings before himself, and who wanted to be the holiest person he could be first, then everything else second.
rockk4christ (11:48:00 PM): someone just said something . this is the modern day example of you shall not covet your neighbor's wife haha. minus the married part.
dEvzAp516 (11:48:34 PM): yeah ryan said that
rockk4christ (11:48:48 PM): ryan ..
dEvzAp516 (11:48:50 PM): mooney
rockk4christ (11:49:01 PM): oh
rockk4christ (11:49:06 PM): high five, ryan.
rockk4christ (11:50:52 PM): sweetobsessions8 (11:50:34 PM): ten commandments comes back to bite holy boy in his not so holy ass
dEvzAp516 (11:51:34 PM): yeah i dont know like i feel like lately honestly like my faith hasnt been too bad and i know that might be kinda of hard for you to believe but like i really do feel that and like yeah like i really dont know what to think and i really am feeling really bad what this is doing to chris and i really feel bad and im proly gonna talk to him and tell him like i really dont want this to ruin our friendship and like see what i can do
dEvzAp516 (11:51:56 PM): i also feel like im being judged realy hard right now
rockk4christ (11:52:04 PM): devin
rockk4christ (11:52:07 PM): please tell me
rockk4christ (11:52:09 PM): you're not thinking
rockk4christ (11:52:13 PM): that chris is going to be okay.
rockk4christ (11:52:16 PM): like.
rockk4christ (11:52:17 PM): devin
rockk4christ (11:53:06 PM): you are being judged hard. because people don't want to see you screw things over with chris. with clare. do you know how this will divide the group?
rockk4christ (11:53:13 PM): like. it's just a really selfish thing to do.
rockk4christ (11:53:44 PM): i don't think i've stopped shaking since you left yesterday, thinking about it. like. about how much it's going to hurt chris. about how selfish it is. about how un'you it is. about how much things are changing.
rockk4christ (11:53:57 PM): and i understand God is here. i'm not saying your faith is bad or that you're lying to yourself.
rockk4christ (11:54:03 PM): i just think that pepole need time to heal
rockk4christ (11:54:08 PM): and you're rushing into things
rockk4christ (11:54:14 PM): because you can't stand to be alone
rockk4christ (11:54:15 PM): or
rockk4christ (11:54:24 PM): because you're selfish and can't wait.
rockk4christ (11:54:35 PM): like, i wish i could explain to you, i'm REALLY not trying to be a witch
rockk4christ (11:54:46 PM): i'm just trying to show you what this is. what it looks like. how it feels.
rockk4christ (11:54:55 PM): from someone who isn't biased because they're in the situation
dEvzAp516 (11:56:25 PM): i really dont know why im rushing things like from the get go i really didnt want to and il tell you for sure that both the reasons you think it def isnt either of them like i really havent minded being single like it's really been okay with me
dEvzAp516 (11:56:54 PM): and like i dont know if i can make chris and clare better by like saying i wont talk to clare anymore
rockk4christ (11:57:27 PM): i really didnt want to <- but you are. that's what makes the difference.
dEvzAp516 (11:58:00 PM): i know and ive never said what im doing is good
rockk4christ (11:58:11 PM): that's a good thing
rockk4christ (11:59:18 PM): you could tell me all day why what you and clare are doing is God's thing, but i'm telling you right now, i don't see it. and that's okay, i'm not the one in the situation,. i just hope you realize how you're hurting people and how you're losing people's respect and everything before you jump in. or, get her to jump in with you.
dEvzAp516 (12:01:11 AM): i know and like i really dont wanna jump into anything and i guess im gonna have to do a better job of that and really talk to her about that too
rockk4christ (12:01:28 AM): juuuuuust a little.
rockk4christ (12:02:19 AM): apostleofchrist2 (12:01:40 AM): ...God doesn't tell you to backstab your best friend...Cain and Able
apostleofchrist2 (12:02:02 AM): Cain backstabbed Able, and was punished for it
rockk4christ (12:02:31 AM): sweetobsessions8 (11:50:34 PM): ten commandments comes back to bite holy boy in his not so holy ass
rockk4christ (12:02:36 AM): people are upset.
dEvzAp516 (12:03:16 AM): whos apostleofchrist?
rockk4christ (12:03:27 AM): .. brendon.
dEvzAp516 (12:03:28 AM): gotcha
dEvzAp516 (12:03:37 AM): cain and able were actually brothers
dEvzAp516 (12:03:46 AM): but i see what he's saying
rockk4christ (12:03:51 AM): close enough
rockk4christ (12:03:58 AM): don't wordforword it
dEvzAp516 (12:04:33 AM): it does seem like everyone is putting 100% of the blame on me
rockk4christ (12:04:54 AM): well, yaknow. mostly.
dEvzAp516 (12:05:53 AM): gotcha
dEvzAp516 (12:06:12 AM): so just throwing out the phrase it take two to tango
rockk4christ (12:06:26 AM): okay.
rockk4christ (12:06:35 AM): i'll .. keep that in mind.
dEvzAp516 (12:08:43 AM): yeah like if she didnt like me back it would be way easier
rockk4christ (12:08:59 AM): i guess so.
rockk4christ (12:09:16 AM): like, i see that it would be easier. but i don't think it should be effecting your actoins.
rockk4christ (12:09:26 AM): but it is, and i'm not inthe situation so i can't tell you what to do.
dEvzAp516 (12:11:59 AM): i think im gonna go
rockk4christ (12:12:08 AM): you do that.
dEvzAp516 (12:12:14 AM): its been good talking to you like really i think it has
rockk4christ (12:12:31 AM): sarcasm?
dEvzAp516 (12:12:32 AM): no
rockk4christ (12:12:50 AM): okay.
dEvzAp516 (12:12:48 AM): il ttyl
dEvzAp516 (12:12:51 AM): peace
rockk4christ (12:13:05 AM): i'm praying for you
rockk4christ (12:13:12 AM): do the world a favor, pray for chris.
dEvzAp516 (12:13:21 AM): i have been but i will def continue
rockk4christ (12:13:34 AM): good idea.
dEvzAp516 signed off at 12:13:45 AM.
devzap516 is offline and will receive your IMs when signing back in.
.. and that's pretty much it.
so we'll see what happens.
and i leave tomorrow for attleboro, so hopefully stuff in my
own life will start to clear up and everything, becuase i'm
tired of drama and i don't want to make it last any longer
than it has to. it's time to make a deicions or something. <3
[ if it was up to me,
i would turn this car around
and run away ;
just you and me. <3 ]
i felt like nick was kind of annoyed with me, but it happens.
i just feel bad that i dragged him out when he was so tired.
sigh. i'm too selifish for my own good sometimes.
i should have let him go home and sleep, he probably
would have been happier then, too. ergghhh. forgive me?
after that i went to work, which was dull, as usual haha.
after work, i got a chance to talk to devin about everything.
mostly i just talked a lot and he just listened a lot.
but i'm glad i got stuff off my chest. so that's good, at least.
i'm still praying for all of them, and i really hope clare
doesn't end up following through with dumping chris.
i couldn't stand seeing him that broken. i would cry.
so anyway. here's the conversation. :]
rockk4christ (11:07:13 PM): how was faith night ?
dEvzAp516 (11:07:45 PM): it was really good
rockk4christ (11:07:56 PM): sweet, what'd you guys do ?
dEvzAp516 (11:08:58 PM): we like split up into guys and girls and like talked about what we've been struggling with and how our faith has been
rockk4christ (11:09:13 PM): sick :] good people there?
dEvzAp516 (11:10:20 PM): yeah
rockk4christ (11:10:33 PM): nice.
rockk4christ (11:10:37 PM): so did clare do it ?
dEvzAp516 (11:10:43 PM): i dont know i havent talked to her yet
rockk4christ (11:10:51 PM): oh okay.
rockk4christ (11:10:54 PM): so okay
rockk4christ (11:10:56 PM): for real
rockk4christ (11:10:58 PM): you don't feel bad at all?
rockk4christ (11:11:08 PM): about like, breaking your 18 years of being best friends?
dEvzAp516 (11:11:19 PM): wel im kinda hoping that wont happen
rockk4christ (11:11:28 PM): it's too late
rockk4christ (11:11:35 PM): he's insanely and incredibly pissed off at you
rockk4christ (11:11:39 PM): just about bowling and the play
rockk4christ (11:11:46 PM): he doesn't even know you've officially stolen her
rockk4christ (11:11:50 PM): did you really think he wouldn't be upset?
rockk4christ (11:11:54 PM): that's insanely naiive.
rockk4christ (11:11:56 PM): and a lot selfish
rockk4christ (11:11:59 PM): just so you know :]
rockk4christ (11:12:03 PM): like, douchebaggy selfish
dEvzAp516 (11:12:46 PM): i know
rockk4christ (11:12:59 PM): i realized that
rockk4christ (11:13:03 PM): like, i was praying about it after
rockk4christ (11:13:04 PM): and i realized
rockk4christ (11:13:05 PM): no offense
rockk4christ (11:13:09 PM): you're being the worst friend you can be
rockk4christ (11:13:27 PM): like, going behind your best friends back and throwing away an entire lifetime of being best friends
rockk4christ (11:13:29 PM): so you can get what you got
rockk4christ (11:13:32 PM): * want
rockk4christ (11:13:42 PM): you've hurt SO many people and you have no one's respect anymore
rockk4christ (11:13:49 PM): i just hope this doesn't screw you over in the end.
rockk4christ (11:13:59 PM): like, if i was chris, i would want to kill you.
rockk4christ (11:14:10 PM): who am i kidding? he already does want to kill you
rockk4christ (11:14:15 PM): and he hardly knows anything yet.
rockk4christ (11:14:18 PM): i just wonder if it's worth it
rockk4christ (11:14:29 PM): like, literally ruining their relationship because you can't stand being alone
rockk4christ (11:15:12 PM): that's the equivilant of me making chris mccrum leave katie for me.
rockk4christ (11:15:18 PM): that's so low.
rockk4christ (11:15:28 PM): no offense. just being an honest friend :]
dEvzAp516 (11:16:08 PM): you're making alot of accusation right now that are putting all this on me
rockk4christ (11:16:17 PM): and like, i'm praying for all three of you a TON. i'm just afraid to see how this is going to play out.
rockk4christ (11:16:21 PM): mostly, yeah.
dEvzAp516 (11:16:46 PM): i dont know why you're accusing me of all these feelings and motives that have never been in my heart
dEvzAp516 (11:16:55 PM): and i have prayed about this A TON
rockk4christ (11:17:02 PM): mhm.
dEvzAp516 (11:17:04 PM): i have faught this idea A TON
rockk4christ (11:17:09 PM): don't give me the sympathy guilt card
rockk4christ (11:17:12 PM): i'm not taking it
rockk4christ (11:17:15 PM): i'm just saying
rockk4christ (11:17:19 PM): it's shallow and douchebaggy.
rockk4christ (11:17:24 PM): i'm not the only one who thinks that
rockk4christ (11:17:44 PM): you have mad people who like want to HURT you. who are so pissed off at you and who have absolutely NOOOOOOO respect for you whatsoever anymore
rockk4christ (11:17:50 PM): so don't give me that
rockk4christ (11:17:56 PM): i don't want to hear it
rockk4christ (11:17:58 PM): what you're doing
rockk4christ (11:18:05 PM): is a huuuugeee dirtbag move.
rockk4christ (11:18:10 PM): no matter what the intentions are.
rockk4christ (11:18:14 PM): that's all i'm saying
dEvzAp516 (11:18:42 PM): i realize that but you're not doing it in a way that makes me respect what you
dEvzAp516 (11:18:45 PM): are saying
rockk4christ (11:18:58 PM): well
rockk4christ (11:19:06 PM): i don't think i respect you anymore, either.
rockk4christ (11:19:08 PM): so i guess we're even.
rockk4christ (11:19:11 PM): which sucks
rockk4christ (11:19:15 PM): but i don't know how else to say it to you.
rockk4christ (11:19:17 PM): like, i could lie to you
rockk4christ (11:19:20 PM): or sugarcoat it
rockk4christ (11:19:23 PM): but i'm trying to be honest
rockk4christ (11:19:26 PM): so you know what's going on
rockk4christ (11:19:33 PM): if you'd rather i not be honest
rockk4christ (11:19:34 PM): then fine
rockk4christ (11:19:35 PM): i won't be .
rockk4christ (11:19:40 PM): i just thought it'd be good to hear the truth
rockk4christ (11:19:45 PM): i forgot that you run away from your problems
rockk4christ (11:19:52 PM): and that you wouldn't face it.
dEvzAp516 (11:20:15 PM): like i realize what you
dEvzAp516 (11:20:19 PM): are saying
dEvzAp516 (11:20:38 PM): but like really you're saying a bunch of things about me that aren't true
rockk4christ (11:20:52 PM): no, they pretty much are.
dEvzAp516 (11:21:24 PM): and making it seem like im the only one involved in this and like i just did everything i could to get her to like me and like tear her from chris when thats not how it happened at all
dEvzAp516 (11:21:46 PM): and like i kept running from it for awhile and the more i faught the stronger it came back
rockk4christ (11:21:56 PM): okay
rockk4christ (11:21:59 PM): then in that case
rockk4christ (11:22:01 PM): what i meant it
rockk4christ (11:22:02 PM): * is
rockk4christ (11:22:11 PM): poor devin, i hope you guys get married and chris is invited <3
rockk4christ (11:22:36 PM): you really can't expect me to give you sympathy though.
rockk4christ (11:23:18 PM): i understand how it is having feelings for someone and fighting them . the nick situation? but i'm not convincing him to be with me. i'm taking space, because i just got out of a long relationship and so did he, and we NEED the space.
rockk4christ (11:23:54 PM): you, on the other hand, are persuing a relationship with clare while she's INNNN one, still. i know she's in with you , too, but her and chris have been together for a long time, and in case you missed it, they're still together.
rockk4christ (11:24:53 PM): i know she's " not feeling it anymore" or whatever. it's just funny that it just HAPPENS to be since we broke up and you fell back into love with her. you just have to realize that she could feel pressured by you liking her into doing something.
rockk4christ (11:26:08 PM): like, after you left yesterday, i felt better. like, i was so glad to have the closure and i won't lie, i was relieved it was over.
rockk4christ (11:26:13 PM): but i started crying for chris.
rockk4christ (11:26:19 PM): do you know how broken he's going to be?
rockk4christ (11:26:36 PM): his life revolves around clare. he worships her. he's more madly in love with her than any guy i'm seen in my life.
rockk4christ (11:26:43 PM): and his best friend since he was in diapers
rockk4christ (11:26:48 PM): is taking all of that away from him.
rockk4christ (11:26:51 PM): and he knows.
rockk4christ (11:31:25 PM): and you know what i just realized? things with clare and i have been really good lately. but you're going to turn around and tell her all of this, and the chances are good that she'll be mad at me again. but that's okay, because i needed to tell you the truth. i'm tired of hiding behind fear of people getting mad at me. this is something that is painfully obvious, and needed to be said. so you can be pissed off at me, i'm sure you already are, and i'm sorry. but hey, sometimes the truth hurts. and GOD, i've been praying for you guys so hard. and it literally breaks my heart to see you doing this. but i can't control either of you, so what happens, happens. just know i'll be praying for you every step of the way.
dEvzAp516 (11:32:43 PM): um im def not gonna tell clare any of this but you can keep accusing me of things if you want
rockk4christ (11:32:50 PM): it's just crazy to see how much a person can change.
rockk4christ (11:33:03 PM): it's weird. because you're so different than how you used to be.
dEvzAp516 (11:33:11 PM): like how?
rockk4christ (11:33:43 PM): how is that an accusatoin? that wasn't even me trying to be mean, i just figured that since it applied to her and you guys talk, it would come up. not even in a bad way, it would be awesome if you could stop being defense.
rockk4christ (11:33:46 PM): * defensive.
dEvzAp516 (11:34:07 PM): how do you think ive changed?
rockk4christ (11:34:38 PM): a lot of ways, there buddy.
rockk4christ (11:34:42 PM): like i can't even explain
rockk4christ (11:34:47 PM): and EVERYONE is noticing
rockk4christ (11:34:50 PM): my dad is SO worried.
rockk4christ (11:34:53 PM): he thinks you're on drugs.
rockk4christ (11:34:54 PM): no lie.
dEvzAp516 (11:36:01 PM): like what is it that you think ive been doing wrong?
rockk4christ (11:36:14 PM): i never said wrong.
rockk4christ (11:36:24 PM): please stop jumping to conclusions, thank you.
dEvzAp516 (11:36:26 PM): okayokay
rockk4christ (11:36:40 PM): thanks
dEvzAp516 (11:36:37 PM): just the way you said it made it seem bad
dEvzAp516 (11:36:54 PM): like i havent been getting that vibe from everyone that ive changed alot
rockk4christ (11:37:02 PM): it was an accident, please forgive me for mis`speaking.
rockk4christ (11:37:08 PM): oh. well they think it.
dEvzAp516 (11:38:00 PM): is it like a bad different?
rockk4christ (11:38:44 PM): well yeah.
rockk4christ (11:38:46 PM): kind of.
rockk4christ (11:38:48 PM): mostly just yes.
dEvzAp516 (11:42:04 PM): whys that?
dEvzAp516 (11:42:34 PM): like i really would like to know because im confused and i dont wana like hurt people and id like to know what i can do differently
rockk4christ (11:43:08 PM): well, nothing will change the hurting people except the clare thing, and you're not going to change that, so it doesn't really matter.
dEvzAp516 (11:43:45 PM): okay so like is that all you're talking about when you say ive changed so much?
rockk4christ (11:43:57 PM): not realy.
rockk4christ (11:43:59 PM): * really.
rockk4christ (11:47:07 PM): i like the way steve put it .. that it just seems like you're becoming the pre`youth group devin. like, you're rusing into things and not thinking about the consequences and being wicked selfish. like, i know that it hurts. i know you want her. i know you've prayed about it. i know you feel pulled to be with her. but right now is a really hard time. and pulling this right now just looks REALLY bad. and kind of mostly IS really bad. you're hurting your best friend and all you're worried about is getting the girl. what happened to the devin who always put others first? who prayed about stuff and was agonzingly slow to jump into anything? who waited things out even if it hurt you really badly, because you knew it was God's will? the devin who talked to everyone and was there and worried about everyone else, who put others' feelings before himself, and who wanted to be the holiest person he could be first, then everything else second.
rockk4christ (11:48:00 PM): someone just said something . this is the modern day example of you shall not covet your neighbor's wife haha. minus the married part.
dEvzAp516 (11:48:34 PM): yeah ryan said that
rockk4christ (11:48:48 PM): ryan ..
dEvzAp516 (11:48:50 PM): mooney
rockk4christ (11:49:01 PM): oh
rockk4christ (11:49:06 PM): high five, ryan.
rockk4christ (11:50:52 PM): sweetobsessions8 (11:50:34 PM): ten commandments comes back to bite holy boy in his not so holy ass
dEvzAp516 (11:51:34 PM): yeah i dont know like i feel like lately honestly like my faith hasnt been too bad and i know that might be kinda of hard for you to believe but like i really do feel that and like yeah like i really dont know what to think and i really am feeling really bad what this is doing to chris and i really feel bad and im proly gonna talk to him and tell him like i really dont want this to ruin our friendship and like see what i can do
dEvzAp516 (11:51:56 PM): i also feel like im being judged realy hard right now
rockk4christ (11:52:04 PM): devin
rockk4christ (11:52:07 PM): please tell me
rockk4christ (11:52:09 PM): you're not thinking
rockk4christ (11:52:13 PM): that chris is going to be okay.
rockk4christ (11:52:16 PM): like.
rockk4christ (11:52:17 PM): devin
rockk4christ (11:53:06 PM): you are being judged hard. because people don't want to see you screw things over with chris. with clare. do you know how this will divide the group?
rockk4christ (11:53:13 PM): like. it's just a really selfish thing to do.
rockk4christ (11:53:44 PM): i don't think i've stopped shaking since you left yesterday, thinking about it. like. about how much it's going to hurt chris. about how selfish it is. about how un'you it is. about how much things are changing.
rockk4christ (11:53:57 PM): and i understand God is here. i'm not saying your faith is bad or that you're lying to yourself.
rockk4christ (11:54:03 PM): i just think that pepole need time to heal
rockk4christ (11:54:08 PM): and you're rushing into things
rockk4christ (11:54:14 PM): because you can't stand to be alone
rockk4christ (11:54:15 PM): or
rockk4christ (11:54:24 PM): because you're selfish and can't wait.
rockk4christ (11:54:35 PM): like, i wish i could explain to you, i'm REALLY not trying to be a witch
rockk4christ (11:54:46 PM): i'm just trying to show you what this is. what it looks like. how it feels.
rockk4christ (11:54:55 PM): from someone who isn't biased because they're in the situation
dEvzAp516 (11:56:25 PM): i really dont know why im rushing things like from the get go i really didnt want to and il tell you for sure that both the reasons you think it def isnt either of them like i really havent minded being single like it's really been okay with me
dEvzAp516 (11:56:54 PM): and like i dont know if i can make chris and clare better by like saying i wont talk to clare anymore
rockk4christ (11:57:27 PM): i really didnt want to <- but you are. that's what makes the difference.
dEvzAp516 (11:58:00 PM): i know and ive never said what im doing is good
rockk4christ (11:58:11 PM): that's a good thing
rockk4christ (11:59:18 PM): you could tell me all day why what you and clare are doing is God's thing, but i'm telling you right now, i don't see it. and that's okay, i'm not the one in the situation,. i just hope you realize how you're hurting people and how you're losing people's respect and everything before you jump in. or, get her to jump in with you.
dEvzAp516 (12:01:11 AM): i know and like i really dont wanna jump into anything and i guess im gonna have to do a better job of that and really talk to her about that too
rockk4christ (12:01:28 AM): juuuuuust a little.
rockk4christ (12:02:19 AM): apostleofchrist2 (12:01:40 AM): ...God doesn't tell you to backstab your best friend...Cain and Able
apostleofchrist2 (12:02:02 AM): Cain backstabbed Able, and was punished for it
rockk4christ (12:02:31 AM): sweetobsessions8 (11:50:34 PM): ten commandments comes back to bite holy boy in his not so holy ass
rockk4christ (12:02:36 AM): people are upset.
dEvzAp516 (12:03:16 AM): whos apostleofchrist?
rockk4christ (12:03:27 AM): .. brendon.
dEvzAp516 (12:03:28 AM): gotcha
dEvzAp516 (12:03:37 AM): cain and able were actually brothers
dEvzAp516 (12:03:46 AM): but i see what he's saying
rockk4christ (12:03:51 AM): close enough
rockk4christ (12:03:58 AM): don't wordforword it
dEvzAp516 (12:04:33 AM): it does seem like everyone is putting 100% of the blame on me
rockk4christ (12:04:54 AM): well, yaknow. mostly.
dEvzAp516 (12:05:53 AM): gotcha
dEvzAp516 (12:06:12 AM): so just throwing out the phrase it take two to tango
rockk4christ (12:06:26 AM): okay.
rockk4christ (12:06:35 AM): i'll .. keep that in mind.
dEvzAp516 (12:08:43 AM): yeah like if she didnt like me back it would be way easier
rockk4christ (12:08:59 AM): i guess so.
rockk4christ (12:09:16 AM): like, i see that it would be easier. but i don't think it should be effecting your actoins.
rockk4christ (12:09:26 AM): but it is, and i'm not inthe situation so i can't tell you what to do.
dEvzAp516 (12:11:59 AM): i think im gonna go
rockk4christ (12:12:08 AM): you do that.
dEvzAp516 (12:12:14 AM): its been good talking to you like really i think it has
rockk4christ (12:12:31 AM): sarcasm?
dEvzAp516 (12:12:32 AM): no
rockk4christ (12:12:50 AM): okay.
dEvzAp516 (12:12:48 AM): il ttyl
dEvzAp516 (12:12:51 AM): peace
rockk4christ (12:13:05 AM): i'm praying for you
rockk4christ (12:13:12 AM): do the world a favor, pray for chris.
dEvzAp516 (12:13:21 AM): i have been but i will def continue
rockk4christ (12:13:34 AM): good idea.
dEvzAp516 signed off at 12:13:45 AM.
devzap516 is offline and will receive your IMs when signing back in.
.. and that's pretty much it.
so we'll see what happens.
and i leave tomorrow for attleboro, so hopefully stuff in my
own life will start to clear up and everything, becuase i'm
tired of drama and i don't want to make it last any longer
than it has to. it's time to make a deicions or something. <3
[ if it was up to me,
i would turn this car around
and run away ;
just you and me. <3 ]