*fumes*
I have never been so insulted in all my life.
First of all, my plan (and unlike some people I could mention, I did have one), was to go to the front door of the villa, pretending to be a lost tourist with a dead mobile, and ask to use the telephone so I could get a bit of a nose around the place. All right, so it wasn't much as plans go, but the Doctor and Rose had been missing for days, and I had to do something, didn't I? Well, that didn't exactly go the way I'd hoped, and the next thing I know, I'm being manhandled and shoved into a very small room with a very angry Doctor, which, just in case you were wondering, is in fact my idea of Hell on Earth.
(By the way, never say the words "Hell" or "demon" or "Devil" to the Doctor, or he'll launch into his story about how he met the bloke. Ugh.)
So after he spent several minutes scolding me for getting kidnapped, I reminded him--loudly and at length--that it was his skinny arse we were trying to rescue in the first place. And then do you know what happened? The Contessa comes SWEEPING in, feathers--purple and orange ones, if you can imagine--from head to toe, and tells us we need to be QUIET because she can't work on her designs with all the distraction.
And then--and THEN--this woman, who not only has a thing for feathers, but couldn't coordinate colours if her life depended on it (did I mention the purple and orange together?) started insulting the way we were dressed! She called me a "stanco vecchia vacca." I didn't know what that meant, but I knew from the way the Doctor was trying not to laugh, it wasn't good (Of course he told me later. Cheers for that, Doctor *eyeroll*). Right after that she whirled on him and started shouting the same thing over and over. "Chiacchierone! Sempre con le chiacchiere!"
So the Doctor started in on her, only he was speaking Italian too. I couldn't understand, but I knew when I'd been insulted, so I gave her a piece of my mind, too, and soon she was running around the room in circles, feathers flying everywhere, crying "Stai zitto! Stai zitto! Che nessun riscatto è questo vale la pena!" Which is when she called in her thugs, who TIED US UP and put TAPE over our mouths.
As if that wasn't bad enough, she spent the next three hours torturing us by making us look at her "fashion" designs. So we could see the ART she was trying to create.
The woman is insane.
Feathers. Everything was feathers. Feather dresses, feather hats, fine. Even the feather shoes I could almost understand. But feather trousers? And knickers? Honest! She had a line of lingerie planned. Not knickers with feathers on, mind you, but knickers MADE from feathers. I don't even know how that would be possible!
Thank heavens Donna rescued us when she did. I was about to go mad myself.
First of all, my plan (and unlike some people I could mention, I did have one), was to go to the front door of the villa, pretending to be a lost tourist with a dead mobile, and ask to use the telephone so I could get a bit of a nose around the place. All right, so it wasn't much as plans go, but the Doctor and Rose had been missing for days, and I had to do something, didn't I? Well, that didn't exactly go the way I'd hoped, and the next thing I know, I'm being manhandled and shoved into a very small room with a very angry Doctor, which, just in case you were wondering, is in fact my idea of Hell on Earth.
(By the way, never say the words "Hell" or "demon" or "Devil" to the Doctor, or he'll launch into his story about how he met the bloke. Ugh.)
So after he spent several minutes scolding me for getting kidnapped, I reminded him--loudly and at length--that it was his skinny arse we were trying to rescue in the first place. And then do you know what happened? The Contessa comes SWEEPING in, feathers--purple and orange ones, if you can imagine--from head to toe, and tells us we need to be QUIET because she can't work on her designs with all the distraction.
And then--and THEN--this woman, who not only has a thing for feathers, but couldn't coordinate colours if her life depended on it (did I mention the purple and orange together?) started insulting the way we were dressed! She called me a "stanco vecchia vacca." I didn't know what that meant, but I knew from the way the Doctor was trying not to laugh, it wasn't good (Of course he told me later. Cheers for that, Doctor *eyeroll*). Right after that she whirled on him and started shouting the same thing over and over. "Chiacchierone! Sempre con le chiacchiere!"
So the Doctor started in on her, only he was speaking Italian too. I couldn't understand, but I knew when I'd been insulted, so I gave her a piece of my mind, too, and soon she was running around the room in circles, feathers flying everywhere, crying "Stai zitto! Stai zitto! Che nessun riscatto è questo vale la pena!" Which is when she called in her thugs, who TIED US UP and put TAPE over our mouths.
As if that wasn't bad enough, she spent the next three hours torturing us by making us look at her "fashion" designs. So we could see the ART she was trying to create.
The woman is insane.
Feathers. Everything was feathers. Feather dresses, feather hats, fine. Even the feather shoes I could almost understand. But feather trousers? And knickers? Honest! She had a line of lingerie planned. Not knickers with feathers on, mind you, but knickers MADE from feathers. I don't even know how that would be possible!
Thank heavens Donna rescued us when she did. I was about to go mad myself.