Public Service Announcement
If you don't want to read my ramblings, no one is making you. It is your own choice. Kind of like when you choose what to eat for dinner. If you don't like your food, can't blame it on me - I didn't choose it. Therefore, if you don't like what I have to say, don't read it, or keep your jack-assed comments to yourself. Unless you personally know me, I think your comments were out of line. If you do know me, I hope I wasn't stupid enough to be nice to you.
That said...
I couldn't sleep last night. I miss the couch. What is wrong with me? My stomach was convulsing painfully and I wanted to wrip my reproductive system out of my fucking body. Sometimes I hate being a girl.
I'm so confused. I know just being a bum would be the easy way out, and it wouldn't be challenging myself. But why do things have to change? Duh, I know its the nature of the fucking world to change, but still... uggh.
When I looked at the clock at one point in the morning, it read 4:55 pm and I realized in just a week or so, I would be wide awake and doing stalls at that point in the morning. It made me mildly nauseous. I love my job, the actual JOB (sometimes the people can be beyond comprehension), but I miss sleeping and relaxing and being with friends. Even when I'm basically required to attend dinner, I still don't go, because I value my sleep so much more. I'm thisclose to becoming the hobo I want to be.
It will be just me at the barn starting next week. Everyone is headed to Vermont. Looks like I might actually get to ride some. But I always think that, and I'm always wrong. I'm so paranoid about messing those horses up anyway, so whats the point in getting excited? Sometimes I can't decide whether or not to just give up on riding and accept my place in the horse world as a groom, or to keep fighting for what I love. See, when people like Bobby Braswell tell you that youu need to find another equitation horse and Frank Madden asks why you're not showing, its hard to give up on it. I miss it so much. Just the show ring. And riding. I miss Wanda so much. Just having my own horse. I wish I could buy a baby to take to school second semester. But you know what they say - if wishes were horses...
Devin got a hot new car as a replacement for her stolen 4Runner - a blue Jag. Very W&L, but understandably she feels weird about it. I just want to ride in it...
Time to actually begin my day.
PS - I hope my feelings and thoughts aren't bothering anyone. Because I would fucking hate to not be liked by someone. You know, I want to grovel for everyone's love because I need everyone to like me. Please don't be mean to me...
you wish
That said...
I couldn't sleep last night. I miss the couch. What is wrong with me? My stomach was convulsing painfully and I wanted to wrip my reproductive system out of my fucking body. Sometimes I hate being a girl.
I'm so confused. I know just being a bum would be the easy way out, and it wouldn't be challenging myself. But why do things have to change? Duh, I know its the nature of the fucking world to change, but still... uggh.
When I looked at the clock at one point in the morning, it read 4:55 pm and I realized in just a week or so, I would be wide awake and doing stalls at that point in the morning. It made me mildly nauseous. I love my job, the actual JOB (sometimes the people can be beyond comprehension), but I miss sleeping and relaxing and being with friends. Even when I'm basically required to attend dinner, I still don't go, because I value my sleep so much more. I'm thisclose to becoming the hobo I want to be.
It will be just me at the barn starting next week. Everyone is headed to Vermont. Looks like I might actually get to ride some. But I always think that, and I'm always wrong. I'm so paranoid about messing those horses up anyway, so whats the point in getting excited? Sometimes I can't decide whether or not to just give up on riding and accept my place in the horse world as a groom, or to keep fighting for what I love. See, when people like Bobby Braswell tell you that youu need to find another equitation horse and Frank Madden asks why you're not showing, its hard to give up on it. I miss it so much. Just the show ring. And riding. I miss Wanda so much. Just having my own horse. I wish I could buy a baby to take to school second semester. But you know what they say - if wishes were horses...
Devin got a hot new car as a replacement for her stolen 4Runner - a blue Jag. Very W&L, but understandably she feels weird about it. I just want to ride in it...
Time to actually begin my day.
PS - I hope my feelings and thoughts aren't bothering anyone. Because I would fucking hate to not be liked by someone. You know, I want to grovel for everyone's love because I need everyone to like me. Please don't be mean to me...
you wish