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FOUR DAYS UNTILL THE SOMETHING CORPORATE CONCERT WITH ALEXANDRAAAA!!!!
If it weren't for a few of my friends- I would never be able to make it through this week. It has really been a complete hell hole. I know I'm making a huge deal out of this- but it's just funny how things change. && how nothing EVER works to my advantage when it comes to boys. It drives me crazy. Am I not good enough? is that it?!?!? I feel like such a pathetic little shut-down loser. Isn't that wonderful. That's the only image I have had of myself for the past couple of days. I sent him a little lame-ass myspace message too. did he write back? nope. All I wanted was like a sign that he cared just a LITTLE bit. Enough to let me know what just happend. The more I think about what it.. the more let down I am. how stupid could I have been? But that's the problem-- I can't say that because I dont regret one little thing. But I can't change the way he feels. Then seeeeeeing him last night made it 100x worse... & after talking to Rachel too. even though i'm kinda not mad at her... The situation just gets worse & worse. I hate having to hide things on my livejournal... notice I'm not using names, nor going all out and typing what i really feel. I wish I could. But that would #1 make me look like an even bigger loser, #2 people would have a shitfit with me, #3 it would probably just make things worse. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to get over this? Why the hell does everything that went so wonderfuly right go so amazingly wrong? I'm such a loser. & I'm so sick of everyone on this computer (minus like five people)
I'm sorry I'm not as good as she is.
I love alexandra, diana, julia, & kelly.