(no subject)
I spent the entire day today trying to remember what I did Tuesday at 11pm I realized laundry.
My mind is in that shuffled state where things have stopped making seance. I tried to get drunk and cry to no avail after two beers I simply lost interest and just sat around feeling sad and confused. I can't even get fucked up anymore it makes me feel nervous and on edge even in my own home by myself. Drinking missions seem to no longer be an option. I'm very tired with everyone elses problems and my own problems that I can't even seem to make any seance of.
My apartment shouldn't be such a mess
I'm going to New Orleans Sunday. It's going to be strange seeing Lauren. I feel like some kind of MTV version of myself and I'm almost to embarrassed of myself to see her. Of course it's to see Cian and I guess that's making me nervous too. I had really lost faith in it. One night Beau told me "You two are only arguing, becouse your being real and honest with each other and that just means you both actually care." Two days later he bolted on Batty, so who knows what I should make of that. I want to at least give it this one more weekend. Hopefully I wont "one more weekend" things into self destructive hell.
I wish I had some shopping money so I could buy my fat ass a pair of fat jeans for my trip. Or you know I could drop the weight and fit into my existing stuff. gross gross gross
I think my cocktail of herbal supplements is kicking in time for another delightful night of twitchy wake up ever 30min sleep.
My mind is in that shuffled state where things have stopped making seance. I tried to get drunk and cry to no avail after two beers I simply lost interest and just sat around feeling sad and confused. I can't even get fucked up anymore it makes me feel nervous and on edge even in my own home by myself. Drinking missions seem to no longer be an option. I'm very tired with everyone elses problems and my own problems that I can't even seem to make any seance of.
My apartment shouldn't be such a mess
I'm going to New Orleans Sunday. It's going to be strange seeing Lauren. I feel like some kind of MTV version of myself and I'm almost to embarrassed of myself to see her. Of course it's to see Cian and I guess that's making me nervous too. I had really lost faith in it. One night Beau told me "You two are only arguing, becouse your being real and honest with each other and that just means you both actually care." Two days later he bolted on Batty, so who knows what I should make of that. I want to at least give it this one more weekend. Hopefully I wont "one more weekend" things into self destructive hell.
I wish I had some shopping money so I could buy my fat ass a pair of fat jeans for my trip. Or you know I could drop the weight and fit into my existing stuff. gross gross gross
I think my cocktail of herbal supplements is kicking in time for another delightful night of twitchy wake up ever 30min sleep.