It was not a not successful Boot N' Rally
It seems the time has come for me to describe the events that took place this weekend, although Cait and Nicole have already explained it thoroughly. So, why you ask? Why would I bother explaining something that people have already gone to great lengths to describe? Because you are a whore. And thats all I have to say about that.
My fun times began on Friday, at about 3:30. Jimmy, Jesse, Pat, and I had congregated at Jesse's house and were searching high and low for eskimo and bear costumes. It took a while but we eventually pulled the nasty fur outfits out of the attic, down the stairs, on onto the floor of Jesse's room. It was at that point that Jimmy came up with the idea. The greatest idea I had even heard in all my years of celebrating Halloween. Babies. We would attend the Halloween dance as babies. And so it began...
Jimmy and I took a drive to Walmart where we immediatley went to work. We found cute little baby hats, pacifiers, bibs that read "here comes trouble" and "skip the peas, onto the pudding," and winnie the pooh socks. Now, we knew we had to wear ridiculously tiny clothing to make people laugh. We made our way to the "Boy's" section, and found tiny tiny shirts. We struggled to get them on, but we finally conquered them. However, then it became apparent that taking off the ridiculously tiny shirts would be quite difficult indeed. People stared. Fucking sucked. There were rednecks everywhere. I love WalMart. Next we decided to get tiny army pants because we didn't wanna be butt ass naked under our diapers..(dont worry... I'll get to the diapers). We found pants for 4 yr olds. We pick them up. We do not try them on. We have no idea if they'll fit or not.
Onto the diapers. We had put this off till last. Jimmy walks up to a Walmart employee who is kneeling next to a dvd rack. This is what happened:
James: "Hey, um, this is going to sound a little weird.. do you carry adult diapers?"
Employee: "..........."
James: "............"
Employee: "Oh, why yes, right next to the Pharmacy."
Zach: *Laughing his fucking nuts off*
Well that ends our little Walmart adventure. We finally made it to the school when we realized we didn't know if the little itsy bitsy army pants would fit or not. We enter a bathroom and begin removing our clothing. After the butt sex, we put the costumes on. The army pants fit. But they look like spandex. And they hurt your testicles. Fucking gross as hell. And at the exact point when I come out of the stall with nothing but 4yr old army pants on, some other dude comes in the bathroom... ugh... so humiliating.
But o well! People took tons of pictures of us! The dance was hella fun. Im not sure if I'll ever grind wearing diapers again.. they don't offer much padding. So yeah, it was definitley alot more like sex with clothes on as opposed to dancing. But I'm not complaining.
After the dance, Jimmy and I made our way to Mooch's house where we had heard a party was taking place. We come in... as babies... and Aaron Holland immediatley falls to the ground laughing his ass off. This state of hysteria lasts a good 5 minutes. Everyone is obviously drunk off their ass. The next thing I know I'm chugging beer in a baby costume with people taking pictures. I need these pictures for my Myspace. They are hilarious and amazing.
Well I passed out eventually after a long night of beer pong and illegal activities. However, not to worry! The weekends festivities dont end there! Fuck no! The next morning, someone gets the great idea to play beer pong. So we do. This turns into multiple round of flipcup with 4 people, and people are throwing up by quarter of 3 in the afternoon. I lived through a Boot N' Rally. Although I'm not sure if I should be alive right now. Cait Wirth broke her foot, dancing...Adams story of this is better... because I was projectile vomiting when it happened. And that..folks.. is my weekend. I swear to god...if you dont comment...I will have your head. This took forever to write. And its like 7 in the morning. Thats fucking dedication for ya.
PS:
Adam Fryer and Amy D'Silva - Try to make the best of your hell!!!!!!!
My fun times began on Friday, at about 3:30. Jimmy, Jesse, Pat, and I had congregated at Jesse's house and were searching high and low for eskimo and bear costumes. It took a while but we eventually pulled the nasty fur outfits out of the attic, down the stairs, on onto the floor of Jesse's room. It was at that point that Jimmy came up with the idea. The greatest idea I had even heard in all my years of celebrating Halloween. Babies. We would attend the Halloween dance as babies. And so it began...
Jimmy and I took a drive to Walmart where we immediatley went to work. We found cute little baby hats, pacifiers, bibs that read "here comes trouble" and "skip the peas, onto the pudding," and winnie the pooh socks. Now, we knew we had to wear ridiculously tiny clothing to make people laugh. We made our way to the "Boy's" section, and found tiny tiny shirts. We struggled to get them on, but we finally conquered them. However, then it became apparent that taking off the ridiculously tiny shirts would be quite difficult indeed. People stared. Fucking sucked. There were rednecks everywhere. I love WalMart. Next we decided to get tiny army pants because we didn't wanna be butt ass naked under our diapers..(dont worry... I'll get to the diapers). We found pants for 4 yr olds. We pick them up. We do not try them on. We have no idea if they'll fit or not.
Onto the diapers. We had put this off till last. Jimmy walks up to a Walmart employee who is kneeling next to a dvd rack. This is what happened:
James: "Hey, um, this is going to sound a little weird.. do you carry adult diapers?"
Employee: "..........."
James: "............"
Employee: "Oh, why yes, right next to the Pharmacy."
Zach: *Laughing his fucking nuts off*
Well that ends our little Walmart adventure. We finally made it to the school when we realized we didn't know if the little itsy bitsy army pants would fit or not. We enter a bathroom and begin removing our clothing. After the butt sex, we put the costumes on. The army pants fit. But they look like spandex. And they hurt your testicles. Fucking gross as hell. And at the exact point when I come out of the stall with nothing but 4yr old army pants on, some other dude comes in the bathroom... ugh... so humiliating.
But o well! People took tons of pictures of us! The dance was hella fun. Im not sure if I'll ever grind wearing diapers again.. they don't offer much padding. So yeah, it was definitley alot more like sex with clothes on as opposed to dancing. But I'm not complaining.
After the dance, Jimmy and I made our way to Mooch's house where we had heard a party was taking place. We come in... as babies... and Aaron Holland immediatley falls to the ground laughing his ass off. This state of hysteria lasts a good 5 minutes. Everyone is obviously drunk off their ass. The next thing I know I'm chugging beer in a baby costume with people taking pictures. I need these pictures for my Myspace. They are hilarious and amazing.
Well I passed out eventually after a long night of beer pong and illegal activities. However, not to worry! The weekends festivities dont end there! Fuck no! The next morning, someone gets the great idea to play beer pong. So we do. This turns into multiple round of flipcup with 4 people, and people are throwing up by quarter of 3 in the afternoon. I lived through a Boot N' Rally. Although I'm not sure if I should be alive right now. Cait Wirth broke her foot, dancing...Adams story of this is better... because I was projectile vomiting when it happened. And that..folks.. is my weekend. I swear to god...if you dont comment...I will have your head. This took forever to write. And its like 7 in the morning. Thats fucking dedication for ya.
PS:
Adam Fryer and Amy D'Silva - Try to make the best of your hell!!!!!!!