Oral sex isnt sex. You dumb fuck.
I tell ya man, a ton of fucking things have happened since I last updated. Wow, it's been a long, long time. I am one lazy bastard. Yes, I can finally admit it to myself.. I am a lazy little bastard.
Well, since September 20th there have been 2 dances at the school. Both of them I attended drunk off my ass. This, however, may not be the best decision anymore. A friend of mine was caught and put in a tiny room for days on end. I don't want to be locked in a little room with angry people. You see, I am a happy kid, and I wouldnt fit with all the middleschool suicide loving bitches that accompanied my friend in his torment. But am I going to stop drinking? Is Santa Claus going to stop eating? Is U2 going to stop touring? Is Renquist going to stop living? O fuck.
Ok, so.. funny story. Before the parade on Saturday, Jimmy and Alex were hanging out at my house. Jesse calls. He's all "dude, you have my marching band shoes.".. I'm all "yes I do.".. he's like "can you drop them off?".. I say no and hangup.. cuz it seemed like the right thing to do. So now Jesse is on his way. Jimmy and I get the great idea to prank him. I write a note that reads:
~~~~
Jesse-
Sorry, we walked to the highschool. I'll give you the shoes at the performance.
-Z-
~~~~
Like I have the note in front of me now, thats exactly it. Swear to God. Well, I stick the note to my door - and when Jesse walks up, Jimmy, Alex and I hide. Jesse is not fooled by the note which pissed me off. He walked around to the other door, and walked in. The son of a bitch walked right into my house. He did ring the doorbell 50 times, though. Well, he walks in and takes a fake swing at my face. I flinch, cuz, yano.. he punched me... kinda. I move back, hit a chair, tip the chair over, fall, smack my head on a doorknob. Meanwhile, Jesse and Jimmy are engaged in conversation. I stand up in a rage, and kick Jesse in the nuts... very, very, very hard.
He is taken completely by surprise. Tears were present. Swearing was present. The best part was when he dropped to the ground and shouting "YOU FUCKING NIGGER!"
It seems severe pain releases Jesse Collin's hatred for black people. It's true. In private he once told me that Jews should wipe black people out. He hates asian people too. But not their porn. He could jerk it to that all day. Ok I'm kidding. I mess with Jesse alot. However, he told me this yesterday at the Fireman's parade thingy:
"You ever masterbate so hard that your balls just kill afterward?"
We should all get together and help Jesse Collins. He's addicted to masterbation. In fact, after he started to recover from the severe testicles smash, he said "dude, Im not gonna hurt you.. but if I can't jerk off tomorrow night, you're fucking dead." This is a serious issue that must be addressed. An intervention is necessary. Help us help you Jesse Collins.
So yeah, Lyons homecoming is this weekend, and I'm real excited. I cannot fucking wait to see everyone I abandoned 5 years ago. Might just cry. Ya fuck that. I have no emotions. Haha!
Oh I became a teacher too. And my one student has a test to finish. The freakin awesome test is mandatory.. its like the Regents exams.. except a little more fun... and a lot less stressful...
OK I DID IT! I UPDATED! IK A TON OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN BUGGING ME TO UPDATE! AND NOW YOU CANT BUG ME ANYMORE! CUZ I DID IT! I'VE FUFILLED MY OBLIGATION. SEE! HERE IT IS! ITS OVER! Oh but before I leave I wanted to discuss Cocoa Krispies. They are delicious, brown, crunchy, and thoroughly enjoyable. Thank you for your time.
Well, since September 20th there have been 2 dances at the school. Both of them I attended drunk off my ass. This, however, may not be the best decision anymore. A friend of mine was caught and put in a tiny room for days on end. I don't want to be locked in a little room with angry people. You see, I am a happy kid, and I wouldnt fit with all the middleschool suicide loving bitches that accompanied my friend in his torment. But am I going to stop drinking? Is Santa Claus going to stop eating? Is U2 going to stop touring? Is Renquist going to stop living? O fuck.
Ok, so.. funny story. Before the parade on Saturday, Jimmy and Alex were hanging out at my house. Jesse calls. He's all "dude, you have my marching band shoes.".. I'm all "yes I do.".. he's like "can you drop them off?".. I say no and hangup.. cuz it seemed like the right thing to do. So now Jesse is on his way. Jimmy and I get the great idea to prank him. I write a note that reads:
~~~~
Jesse-
Sorry, we walked to the highschool. I'll give you the shoes at the performance.
-Z-
~~~~
Like I have the note in front of me now, thats exactly it. Swear to God. Well, I stick the note to my door - and when Jesse walks up, Jimmy, Alex and I hide. Jesse is not fooled by the note which pissed me off. He walked around to the other door, and walked in. The son of a bitch walked right into my house. He did ring the doorbell 50 times, though. Well, he walks in and takes a fake swing at my face. I flinch, cuz, yano.. he punched me... kinda. I move back, hit a chair, tip the chair over, fall, smack my head on a doorknob. Meanwhile, Jesse and Jimmy are engaged in conversation. I stand up in a rage, and kick Jesse in the nuts... very, very, very hard.
He is taken completely by surprise. Tears were present. Swearing was present. The best part was when he dropped to the ground and shouting "YOU FUCKING NIGGER!"
It seems severe pain releases Jesse Collin's hatred for black people. It's true. In private he once told me that Jews should wipe black people out. He hates asian people too. But not their porn. He could jerk it to that all day. Ok I'm kidding. I mess with Jesse alot. However, he told me this yesterday at the Fireman's parade thingy:
"You ever masterbate so hard that your balls just kill afterward?"
We should all get together and help Jesse Collins. He's addicted to masterbation. In fact, after he started to recover from the severe testicles smash, he said "dude, Im not gonna hurt you.. but if I can't jerk off tomorrow night, you're fucking dead." This is a serious issue that must be addressed. An intervention is necessary. Help us help you Jesse Collins.
So yeah, Lyons homecoming is this weekend, and I'm real excited. I cannot fucking wait to see everyone I abandoned 5 years ago. Might just cry. Ya fuck that. I have no emotions. Haha!
Oh I became a teacher too. And my one student has a test to finish. The freakin awesome test is mandatory.. its like the Regents exams.. except a little more fun... and a lot less stressful...
OK I DID IT! I UPDATED! IK A TON OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN BUGGING ME TO UPDATE! AND NOW YOU CANT BUG ME ANYMORE! CUZ I DID IT! I'VE FUFILLED MY OBLIGATION. SEE! HERE IT IS! ITS OVER! Oh but before I leave I wanted to discuss Cocoa Krispies. They are delicious, brown, crunchy, and thoroughly enjoyable. Thank you for your time.