FIC: Transitions and Confessions (1/1) (Hollyoaks)
Title: Transitions and Confessions
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Max/OB, although John Paul is in there and still thinking about Craig
Summary: This one is a bit choppy, a lot of going back and forth. It took me a while to figure out what to say, pacing, etc. The story should be winding down with a few chapters. I know this story is a bit of a mess, but please, any comments, I'd love to read them.
"Do you think Posh will change if she stays in the States? Will she still be our Posh?"
OB said something. He couldn't remember what, but he desperately hoped it wasn't what he was thinking, which was, SHUT THE FU...
"Did you SEE Chanelle from Big Brother? She's the world's biggest Posh fan. How sad. Even dresses like her. At least get your own style if you're going to be in the spotlight. Don't waste those 15 minutes."
OB assumed Max must have had some grand idea in mind to make him and Tom sit down with Steph for a dinner, but Tom was already fast asleep at the table. OB envied him.
"You know I was gonna go on Celebrity Big Brother. Darren said he'd a gotten call from Davina herself. I have a fan base...somewhere, after what Joe Jones did to me. Then they told us the show was on rest for a series. I would have won, too."
Max stared at Steph as if his life was hanging on her every word. Had he ever looked at OB that way? OB picked at the burned meal she had cooked on Max's stove and thought about jabbing the fork in his hand just to get away from the table.
"Don't you think the twins should've won? Who didn't love the twins? They were legend!"
OB hated her. Hated her. HATE HATE HATE HATE...
"Fuck."
He didn't realize he'd verbalized his obscenity until he looked up from his plate and realized Max and Steph were staring at him.
"I hate peas. Shoulda told ya. Sorry."
Steph smiled, content to go back to telling the table about her failed X-Factor audition.
Near the end of the endless dinner, Tony showed up, brandishing some delicious dessert from Il Gnosh. While Max and Steph got some plates and had a giggle in the kitchen, OB went to the bathroom. On his way to the toilet he felt Tony's eyes burned into the back of his head. He knew this going to lead to some kind of talk, which Tony obviously hated. Tony was their mate, and more family to OB than OB's own family had been, but he wasn't a big talky type of guy. Sort of like OB.
While washing his hands, OB could barely stand to look at himself in the mirror. His face was lined, perhaps with marks of shame. He was being so rude to Steph, someone who had done nothing but try to be nice. He didn't like what he was becoming every time he was around Max and Steph. When Clare was around, OB was terrified and furious and repulsed all mixed up in the same bag, but he knew she'd never stay around. She'd just been using Max. Steph, on the other hand, was just as needy as Max, just as longing for affection she'd never had. OB couldn't shake the feeling that she would be a part of Max's life forever. Or at least until they had another audition for Pop Idol.
Trying to drag his alone time out as much as possible, he pushed the door open.
"OW!"
Tony's scream filled OB's ears. Panicked, he raced to the other side of the door to see Tony holding a hand over his right eye.
"Bloody hell! Why are you so careless?"
OB was about to apologize when Tony dropped his hand. He was perfectly fine. And laughing. Max and Steph were laughing too, he could hear them all, ringing in his ears, taunting him.
"I gotta go somewhere."
Before he could even hear the group pleas for him to stay, OB had his coat in his hand and was out the door.
--
OB knew he'd have to come up with some apology and prepare the usual lies when his friends asked him what was going on. He just needed these few minutes to himself. He'd never felt lonelier than when he was around Max these days. Max just took Steph with him everywhere, everytime OB was around, almost like he was testing OB or something.
The streets were surprisingly empty today, but OB saw a familiar face standing outside Evissa, Louise's beauty salon. He was tempted to walk by rather than subject another person to his surly mood, but John Paul waved him over.
"I'm just waiting for Katy and Louise to finish running their mouths so we can go to the bookstore."
A few moments of silence passed, a chance for OB to relax. John Paul, survivor of a house full of women, knew about the importance of quiet moments. OB looked so downtrodden...actually, worse than downtrodden. He looked like he was holding so much in that the vein in his forehead would burst at any moment. John Paul couldn't help himself. There had been too many times he'd felt he had no one to turn to.
"I hate to sound like my mum, but I think we're mates, right?"
OB tersely nodded.
"Well, any time you need to talk, just let me know."
Head down, hands in his pockets, a nervous OB responded. He so much wanted to take the offer, but it was so complicated, and he still thought if he kept his feelings to himself, somehow, they might not be true.
"Look, I get what you're doing, and I appreciate it, but I'm not much of a talker. I'm just no good at it."
Another awkward silence.
Shrugging, John Paul walked into Evissa. As he opened the door, he heard OB say, "We are mates, John Paul. Thanks."
--
Tony and Jacqui washed the dinner dishes while their guests...guested in the living room. Lazy bums who didn't want to help with the cleaning, but Jacqui didn't mind, as this gave her a chance to observe. Jacqui had invited John Paul over to see how he was doing. Tony had invited Tom, Steph, Max, and OB to make up for a few days ago with OB walking out after his little joke. Steph and Max had been over earlier with Tom, but they'd all left right after the meal to go to a movie. OB had arrived with them, but had spent most of his time talking with John Paul. Most of their conversation seemed to be about house music, techno music, and other wordless beeps and squeaks Jacqui thought of as sounding like an armpit fart.
Jacqui's glass-drying came second to her keen eye on John Paul. Jacqui didn't like to talk about her feelings, but she saw herself and John Paul as the strongest members of the McQueen family. Unfortunately, as she well knew, the strongest people usually suffer the deepest cuts. Seeing John Paul laughing and talking with OB, you'd never know just how much that Dean prat had hurt him. Jacqui wasn't sure whether to feel relieved, or concerned at just how much of an act John Paul was putting on for them.
She barely knew OB, outside of his friendship with Tony. He was a nice guy and all, but she'd always thought he was a little bit pathetic, walking around gooey-eyed behind Max, playing mum for Tom, and never trying to set out on his own. She'd covered for him when she'd suspected he'd pushed Clare, but that was based on his being Tony's mate. Her opinion started to change after her miscarriage. Yeah, sure he'd been nice to Tony, he'd known Tony forever, but to OB, Jacqui could've been that bitch who'd cost Tony another baby. Not even close. He'd never told her she'd done anything wrong, never spent hour after hour asking her how she was feeling, never tried to tell her it was a sign from God or it was for the best or some other "helpful" garbage which made her want to dislodge someone's eyeball with a fake fingernail. He'd just taken her hand and sat with her when Tony couldn't bear the pain. Exactly what was needed.
"You should've told me you were into knifeplay, Jacq."
Jacqui broke out of her brief spell to look down and see she'd been holding a butcher knife in her hand for the past few minutes. With nervous bravado, she laughed off Tony's comment.
"Just showing what happens if you don't stay a good boy. Hey Tony, when did your OB and my John Paul get to be such pals?"
Tony had no idea, which she could read all over his face, but she seemed to want his reassurance. He tried to do just that as he dried a glass.
"OB's a great friend, loyal, true. He's had a rough time of it the past few years, he probably just sees John Paul as someone he can have a laugh with. Like a little brother, but y'know, not a kid, someone who can sort of relate to him, I guess. I think he's having a problem with Max, don't tell anyone though."
Jacqui's tense face relaxed a bit. She knew she had no reason to doubt OB, it was only her usual cynicism and protective instincts keeping her guard up.
"Sounds fine. Just wanted to make sure he ain't pervin' on my little brother."
Tony caught the glass from slipping out of his fingers just in time. He sputtered, which Jacqui found amusing on some level.
"W-Why would OB...? Nothing against John Paul's charms, but something tells me he's got the wrong parts."
This was one of those moments where Jacqui felt very proud of herself for her deductive qualities. OB did a good job of hiding his feelings behind that impassive fortress of a face, but Jacqui knew how to read people. Every time Steph had shared a laugh with Max, or had touched his hand, or had eaten off his plate, OB'd wanted to dropkick her. Every time Steph and Max had had some fake family bonding moment with Tom, OB had looked like he wanted to cry. She couldn't really blame him. Max was trying so hard, she had to wonder just what he needed to prove. She knew blokes who were just buddies, but this was much more, she knew it. Not that she cared very much.
"C'mon, did you see the way OB was looking at Max during dinner? He's gagging for it."
Tony sputtered again.
"I don't think I can ever picture the words, 'Max', 'OB', and 'gagging for it,' in the same...oh God, I just did! Thank you so very much! You are a sick, sick woman. Sick. Just because your brother and Craig...you know...doesn't mean ideas need to go in your head. Sick."
By this point, Jacqui was so entertained by Tony's embarrassment she'd almost forgotten what she was on about in the first place. She leaned over to whisper a few impolite ideas as Tony began to leave the kitchen.
"Fine, if you don't want to think about OB's mouth on Max's..."
OB and John Paul never heard any of that particular conversation, but OB did wonder why Tony spent the rest of the night trying to get him to say Angelina Jolie was the hottest babe ever.
--
A few days later, John Paul dropped by MOBS to drop off a CD he'd burned with some techno stuff he thought OB would enjoy.
OB took a break long enough to thank him and have a quick chat. He turned the compact disc case over and over in his hands until the CD was practically glued to his fingers. He'd really come to enjoy spending time with the younger man. There was no baggage, no painful feelings to sort through, none of the complexities and pains of what he felt for Max. The initial awkwardness between them was still there sometimes, but most of what he felt was relief at a no-strings friendship. He was having a harder and harder time being near Max and not telling him how he felt. Max spent most of his time talking about Steph or being with Steph, and OB knew it was just a matter of time until they got married or Steph moved in. Max would never give up on Tom getting a mother figure. OB would never be good enough.
OB realized he was brooding again -- brooding came naturally to him. He apologized to John Paul.
"S'alright...you should have seen the way Craig used to sulk...oh, sorry." So much for not thinking about Craig.
OB looked at the song list again.
"Do they have that song, think it was a hit back when I was in school. Think it went something like," crossing his arms on his chest and tilting his head to the side, OB adopted a hip-hop pose and slang he'd kept in mothballs for a few years, "'Who's down with OBJP, yeah you know me!'"
John Paul then tilted his head to the side, puzzled. "Sorry, I haven't heard of..." he trailed off when he saw the sly grin on OB's face. OB. JP. He broke out into laughter, more because he really needed the laugh than because of the brilliance of the joke. OB could relate to that.
"I heard you used to be in music. Did you ever DJ?"
OB looked a bit sheepish, but decided his secret was sordid enough for Hollyoaks.
"No. Me and Max recorded a single, 'Get Down With That Thing.' Max's dad did the vocals. We even had our own dance moves, we choreographed ourselves."
John Paul tried to avoid another snicker, but OB saved him the trouble by giving a laugh at himself.
"I still know the moves. This place is dead anyway. Just lemme push this table out of the way."
OB then began to somewhat rustily revive a few fourth-rate boy band turns, poses, and tricks. John Paul was very amused...until OB asked him to join in.
"Oh no. No way. Myra McQueen's boy is not taking that or doing steps or being a boy of the backstreet or being in sync."
OB gave a friendly sneer as he sat back down. "Spare me. You know you'd be right at home with your shirt open, mist on your chest, staring all sad and pouty while the 12 year old girls faint."
John Paul shook his head in disbelief.
"This is the most you've said in...the whole time I've known you."
John Paul wondered if he'd cursed the mood when the silence began again. OB just stared at the table, pushing his hands together, working up the nerve for something.
"When did you know you loved him?"
The words were spit out so quickly, John Paul almost didn't understand them at first. OB couldn't meet his eyes. He took a deep breath, trying not to say the wrong thing. He wished he had some guidebook from the gay agenda people.
"I-I don't have an exact date. Bit by bit, I realized I was only happy when I was around him. If he was gone, I felt...incomplete. Even when he treated me like I was to be wiped off his shoe. I loved him, I couldn't ever turn it off, even when I tried. Eventually I stopped wanting to try. You know, he actually told me that when I cry, I look like I've lost all my teeth! He told me that and I still love him. Loved him, I mean. Loved."
John Paul cringed at his own fumbled feelings, but at least the humor, intentional or not, broke the ice. Finally, OB managed to look at John Paul. John Paul's eyes were the ultimate mirrors, enabling OB to see himself.
"I didn't realize how much I loved Max 'til I started hating him. Does that make any sense?"
John Paul laughed with a bit more bitterness than he expected.
"Oh God does it make sense."
OB still had such resentment over how Max ignored his warnings about Clare, even when Max was near his deathbed. He'd barely had a chance to let them out when he found out Tom wanted him and Max to be friends again. They'd been simmering ever since. He didn't want to explain to John Paul, as the more he thought about it the more annoyed he got, especially since there was nothing he could say or do to feel better. If he tore into Max, and Max apologized, he'd be angry, but if Max was defiant and told him to get over it, OB would be just as angry. The resentment just sat there and sat there...
Since they'd gone back to an awkward silence, John Paul decided to take another risk.
"OB, if you ever want to go to a gay bar to meet anyone, to see what it's like, I can help."
OB looked at John Paul like he was crazy.
"I don't love men, I love Max!"
OB laughed at how insane he sounded at that moment.
John Paul wasn't laughing, as it reminded him of something Craig might say (replace "Max" with "John Paul").
"John Paul, I enjoy women. They've got nice, well, everything. That hasn't changed. I just love Max too. Still can't believe the words are coming out of my mouth, that I love Max."
John Paul's curiosity began to get the best of him. He could never ask Craig these types of questions, because Craig would've flown off the handle. He'd always believed Craig was gay and just didn't realize it, that all men who claim to love the person instead of a man's gender were secretly gay. That OB was saying the same thing Craig used to say made him wonder if he'd misjudged Craig, unless they were both part of something strange in the Hollyoaks water supply.
And once again John Paul was making it all about Craig. He just couldn't resist.
Before John Paul could ask any more questions, Max walked in through the front door. OB joined his friend behind the counter, but gave John Paul one last look before he left.
"Thanks. For the CD, I mean."
John Paul said nothing, but noticed Max's ears perk up at just exactly what else they had been talking about.
--
At the end of the day, OB was ready to close up, after a day of avoiding contact with Max as much as possible. A few times he would see flashes of pain in Max's eyes, and almost tell him why he had been ignoring him, but he knew Max couldn't handle an extra burden right now.
Before OB could leave, he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"OB, what have I done?"
Those eyes. If only OB could stay away from those soft, sad brown eyes, he'd be fine.
"Is it Steph? I've been bringing her around you more often cause I want you to like her. Instead I'm pushing you away. Has she done something? Is she like Clare?"
OB turned to face Max, to face those eyes. He couldn't let Max do this to himself, not this devastation.
"No. Steph's a nice girl. It's me, alright? I just can't see you with her."
"Do you have feelings for Steph?"
OB's brain said, 'Yes, yes!' and he would have an excuse to stay away from Max. From Tom too. They could have their happy family and OB could move on.
OB's heart only noticed those eyes.
"Not for Steph."
Before OB realized what he was doing, he leaned over and kissed Max. Their first kiss. Gentle, but rough, the stubble against OB's shaven face. OB never wanted this to end, but he knew he was being selfish, and OB could never be selfish. Reluctantly, he pulled away, pulled away from a flush Max, bewildered.
"I love you, Max."
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Max/OB, although John Paul is in there and still thinking about Craig
Summary: This one is a bit choppy, a lot of going back and forth. It took me a while to figure out what to say, pacing, etc. The story should be winding down with a few chapters. I know this story is a bit of a mess, but please, any comments, I'd love to read them.
"Do you think Posh will change if she stays in the States? Will she still be our Posh?"
OB said something. He couldn't remember what, but he desperately hoped it wasn't what he was thinking, which was, SHUT THE FU...
"Did you SEE Chanelle from Big Brother? She's the world's biggest Posh fan. How sad. Even dresses like her. At least get your own style if you're going to be in the spotlight. Don't waste those 15 minutes."
OB assumed Max must have had some grand idea in mind to make him and Tom sit down with Steph for a dinner, but Tom was already fast asleep at the table. OB envied him.
"You know I was gonna go on Celebrity Big Brother. Darren said he'd a gotten call from Davina herself. I have a fan base...somewhere, after what Joe Jones did to me. Then they told us the show was on rest for a series. I would have won, too."
Max stared at Steph as if his life was hanging on her every word. Had he ever looked at OB that way? OB picked at the burned meal she had cooked on Max's stove and thought about jabbing the fork in his hand just to get away from the table.
"Don't you think the twins should've won? Who didn't love the twins? They were legend!"
OB hated her. Hated her. HATE HATE HATE HATE...
"Fuck."
He didn't realize he'd verbalized his obscenity until he looked up from his plate and realized Max and Steph were staring at him.
"I hate peas. Shoulda told ya. Sorry."
Steph smiled, content to go back to telling the table about her failed X-Factor audition.
Near the end of the endless dinner, Tony showed up, brandishing some delicious dessert from Il Gnosh. While Max and Steph got some plates and had a giggle in the kitchen, OB went to the bathroom. On his way to the toilet he felt Tony's eyes burned into the back of his head. He knew this going to lead to some kind of talk, which Tony obviously hated. Tony was their mate, and more family to OB than OB's own family had been, but he wasn't a big talky type of guy. Sort of like OB.
While washing his hands, OB could barely stand to look at himself in the mirror. His face was lined, perhaps with marks of shame. He was being so rude to Steph, someone who had done nothing but try to be nice. He didn't like what he was becoming every time he was around Max and Steph. When Clare was around, OB was terrified and furious and repulsed all mixed up in the same bag, but he knew she'd never stay around. She'd just been using Max. Steph, on the other hand, was just as needy as Max, just as longing for affection she'd never had. OB couldn't shake the feeling that she would be a part of Max's life forever. Or at least until they had another audition for Pop Idol.
Trying to drag his alone time out as much as possible, he pushed the door open.
"OW!"
Tony's scream filled OB's ears. Panicked, he raced to the other side of the door to see Tony holding a hand over his right eye.
"Bloody hell! Why are you so careless?"
OB was about to apologize when Tony dropped his hand. He was perfectly fine. And laughing. Max and Steph were laughing too, he could hear them all, ringing in his ears, taunting him.
"I gotta go somewhere."
Before he could even hear the group pleas for him to stay, OB had his coat in his hand and was out the door.
--
OB knew he'd have to come up with some apology and prepare the usual lies when his friends asked him what was going on. He just needed these few minutes to himself. He'd never felt lonelier than when he was around Max these days. Max just took Steph with him everywhere, everytime OB was around, almost like he was testing OB or something.
The streets were surprisingly empty today, but OB saw a familiar face standing outside Evissa, Louise's beauty salon. He was tempted to walk by rather than subject another person to his surly mood, but John Paul waved him over.
"I'm just waiting for Katy and Louise to finish running their mouths so we can go to the bookstore."
A few moments of silence passed, a chance for OB to relax. John Paul, survivor of a house full of women, knew about the importance of quiet moments. OB looked so downtrodden...actually, worse than downtrodden. He looked like he was holding so much in that the vein in his forehead would burst at any moment. John Paul couldn't help himself. There had been too many times he'd felt he had no one to turn to.
"I hate to sound like my mum, but I think we're mates, right?"
OB tersely nodded.
"Well, any time you need to talk, just let me know."
Head down, hands in his pockets, a nervous OB responded. He so much wanted to take the offer, but it was so complicated, and he still thought if he kept his feelings to himself, somehow, they might not be true.
"Look, I get what you're doing, and I appreciate it, but I'm not much of a talker. I'm just no good at it."
Another awkward silence.
Shrugging, John Paul walked into Evissa. As he opened the door, he heard OB say, "We are mates, John Paul. Thanks."
--
Tony and Jacqui washed the dinner dishes while their guests...guested in the living room. Lazy bums who didn't want to help with the cleaning, but Jacqui didn't mind, as this gave her a chance to observe. Jacqui had invited John Paul over to see how he was doing. Tony had invited Tom, Steph, Max, and OB to make up for a few days ago with OB walking out after his little joke. Steph and Max had been over earlier with Tom, but they'd all left right after the meal to go to a movie. OB had arrived with them, but had spent most of his time talking with John Paul. Most of their conversation seemed to be about house music, techno music, and other wordless beeps and squeaks Jacqui thought of as sounding like an armpit fart.
Jacqui's glass-drying came second to her keen eye on John Paul. Jacqui didn't like to talk about her feelings, but she saw herself and John Paul as the strongest members of the McQueen family. Unfortunately, as she well knew, the strongest people usually suffer the deepest cuts. Seeing John Paul laughing and talking with OB, you'd never know just how much that Dean prat had hurt him. Jacqui wasn't sure whether to feel relieved, or concerned at just how much of an act John Paul was putting on for them.
She barely knew OB, outside of his friendship with Tony. He was a nice guy and all, but she'd always thought he was a little bit pathetic, walking around gooey-eyed behind Max, playing mum for Tom, and never trying to set out on his own. She'd covered for him when she'd suspected he'd pushed Clare, but that was based on his being Tony's mate. Her opinion started to change after her miscarriage. Yeah, sure he'd been nice to Tony, he'd known Tony forever, but to OB, Jacqui could've been that bitch who'd cost Tony another baby. Not even close. He'd never told her she'd done anything wrong, never spent hour after hour asking her how she was feeling, never tried to tell her it was a sign from God or it was for the best or some other "helpful" garbage which made her want to dislodge someone's eyeball with a fake fingernail. He'd just taken her hand and sat with her when Tony couldn't bear the pain. Exactly what was needed.
"You should've told me you were into knifeplay, Jacq."
Jacqui broke out of her brief spell to look down and see she'd been holding a butcher knife in her hand for the past few minutes. With nervous bravado, she laughed off Tony's comment.
"Just showing what happens if you don't stay a good boy. Hey Tony, when did your OB and my John Paul get to be such pals?"
Tony had no idea, which she could read all over his face, but she seemed to want his reassurance. He tried to do just that as he dried a glass.
"OB's a great friend, loyal, true. He's had a rough time of it the past few years, he probably just sees John Paul as someone he can have a laugh with. Like a little brother, but y'know, not a kid, someone who can sort of relate to him, I guess. I think he's having a problem with Max, don't tell anyone though."
Jacqui's tense face relaxed a bit. She knew she had no reason to doubt OB, it was only her usual cynicism and protective instincts keeping her guard up.
"Sounds fine. Just wanted to make sure he ain't pervin' on my little brother."
Tony caught the glass from slipping out of his fingers just in time. He sputtered, which Jacqui found amusing on some level.
"W-Why would OB...? Nothing against John Paul's charms, but something tells me he's got the wrong parts."
This was one of those moments where Jacqui felt very proud of herself for her deductive qualities. OB did a good job of hiding his feelings behind that impassive fortress of a face, but Jacqui knew how to read people. Every time Steph had shared a laugh with Max, or had touched his hand, or had eaten off his plate, OB'd wanted to dropkick her. Every time Steph and Max had had some fake family bonding moment with Tom, OB had looked like he wanted to cry. She couldn't really blame him. Max was trying so hard, she had to wonder just what he needed to prove. She knew blokes who were just buddies, but this was much more, she knew it. Not that she cared very much.
"C'mon, did you see the way OB was looking at Max during dinner? He's gagging for it."
Tony sputtered again.
"I don't think I can ever picture the words, 'Max', 'OB', and 'gagging for it,' in the same...oh God, I just did! Thank you so very much! You are a sick, sick woman. Sick. Just because your brother and Craig...you know...doesn't mean ideas need to go in your head. Sick."
By this point, Jacqui was so entertained by Tony's embarrassment she'd almost forgotten what she was on about in the first place. She leaned over to whisper a few impolite ideas as Tony began to leave the kitchen.
"Fine, if you don't want to think about OB's mouth on Max's..."
OB and John Paul never heard any of that particular conversation, but OB did wonder why Tony spent the rest of the night trying to get him to say Angelina Jolie was the hottest babe ever.
--
A few days later, John Paul dropped by MOBS to drop off a CD he'd burned with some techno stuff he thought OB would enjoy.
OB took a break long enough to thank him and have a quick chat. He turned the compact disc case over and over in his hands until the CD was practically glued to his fingers. He'd really come to enjoy spending time with the younger man. There was no baggage, no painful feelings to sort through, none of the complexities and pains of what he felt for Max. The initial awkwardness between them was still there sometimes, but most of what he felt was relief at a no-strings friendship. He was having a harder and harder time being near Max and not telling him how he felt. Max spent most of his time talking about Steph or being with Steph, and OB knew it was just a matter of time until they got married or Steph moved in. Max would never give up on Tom getting a mother figure. OB would never be good enough.
OB realized he was brooding again -- brooding came naturally to him. He apologized to John Paul.
"S'alright...you should have seen the way Craig used to sulk...oh, sorry." So much for not thinking about Craig.
OB looked at the song list again.
"Do they have that song, think it was a hit back when I was in school. Think it went something like," crossing his arms on his chest and tilting his head to the side, OB adopted a hip-hop pose and slang he'd kept in mothballs for a few years, "'Who's down with OBJP, yeah you know me!'"
John Paul then tilted his head to the side, puzzled. "Sorry, I haven't heard of..." he trailed off when he saw the sly grin on OB's face. OB. JP. He broke out into laughter, more because he really needed the laugh than because of the brilliance of the joke. OB could relate to that.
"I heard you used to be in music. Did you ever DJ?"
OB looked a bit sheepish, but decided his secret was sordid enough for Hollyoaks.
"No. Me and Max recorded a single, 'Get Down With That Thing.' Max's dad did the vocals. We even had our own dance moves, we choreographed ourselves."
John Paul tried to avoid another snicker, but OB saved him the trouble by giving a laugh at himself.
"I still know the moves. This place is dead anyway. Just lemme push this table out of the way."
OB then began to somewhat rustily revive a few fourth-rate boy band turns, poses, and tricks. John Paul was very amused...until OB asked him to join in.
"Oh no. No way. Myra McQueen's boy is not taking that or doing steps or being a boy of the backstreet or being in sync."
OB gave a friendly sneer as he sat back down. "Spare me. You know you'd be right at home with your shirt open, mist on your chest, staring all sad and pouty while the 12 year old girls faint."
John Paul shook his head in disbelief.
"This is the most you've said in...the whole time I've known you."
John Paul wondered if he'd cursed the mood when the silence began again. OB just stared at the table, pushing his hands together, working up the nerve for something.
"When did you know you loved him?"
The words were spit out so quickly, John Paul almost didn't understand them at first. OB couldn't meet his eyes. He took a deep breath, trying not to say the wrong thing. He wished he had some guidebook from the gay agenda people.
"I-I don't have an exact date. Bit by bit, I realized I was only happy when I was around him. If he was gone, I felt...incomplete. Even when he treated me like I was to be wiped off his shoe. I loved him, I couldn't ever turn it off, even when I tried. Eventually I stopped wanting to try. You know, he actually told me that when I cry, I look like I've lost all my teeth! He told me that and I still love him. Loved him, I mean. Loved."
John Paul cringed at his own fumbled feelings, but at least the humor, intentional or not, broke the ice. Finally, OB managed to look at John Paul. John Paul's eyes were the ultimate mirrors, enabling OB to see himself.
"I didn't realize how much I loved Max 'til I started hating him. Does that make any sense?"
John Paul laughed with a bit more bitterness than he expected.
"Oh God does it make sense."
OB still had such resentment over how Max ignored his warnings about Clare, even when Max was near his deathbed. He'd barely had a chance to let them out when he found out Tom wanted him and Max to be friends again. They'd been simmering ever since. He didn't want to explain to John Paul, as the more he thought about it the more annoyed he got, especially since there was nothing he could say or do to feel better. If he tore into Max, and Max apologized, he'd be angry, but if Max was defiant and told him to get over it, OB would be just as angry. The resentment just sat there and sat there...
Since they'd gone back to an awkward silence, John Paul decided to take another risk.
"OB, if you ever want to go to a gay bar to meet anyone, to see what it's like, I can help."
OB looked at John Paul like he was crazy.
"I don't love men, I love Max!"
OB laughed at how insane he sounded at that moment.
John Paul wasn't laughing, as it reminded him of something Craig might say (replace "Max" with "John Paul").
"John Paul, I enjoy women. They've got nice, well, everything. That hasn't changed. I just love Max too. Still can't believe the words are coming out of my mouth, that I love Max."
John Paul's curiosity began to get the best of him. He could never ask Craig these types of questions, because Craig would've flown off the handle. He'd always believed Craig was gay and just didn't realize it, that all men who claim to love the person instead of a man's gender were secretly gay. That OB was saying the same thing Craig used to say made him wonder if he'd misjudged Craig, unless they were both part of something strange in the Hollyoaks water supply.
And once again John Paul was making it all about Craig. He just couldn't resist.
Before John Paul could ask any more questions, Max walked in through the front door. OB joined his friend behind the counter, but gave John Paul one last look before he left.
"Thanks. For the CD, I mean."
John Paul said nothing, but noticed Max's ears perk up at just exactly what else they had been talking about.
--
At the end of the day, OB was ready to close up, after a day of avoiding contact with Max as much as possible. A few times he would see flashes of pain in Max's eyes, and almost tell him why he had been ignoring him, but he knew Max couldn't handle an extra burden right now.
Before OB could leave, he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"OB, what have I done?"
Those eyes. If only OB could stay away from those soft, sad brown eyes, he'd be fine.
"Is it Steph? I've been bringing her around you more often cause I want you to like her. Instead I'm pushing you away. Has she done something? Is she like Clare?"
OB turned to face Max, to face those eyes. He couldn't let Max do this to himself, not this devastation.
"No. Steph's a nice girl. It's me, alright? I just can't see you with her."
"Do you have feelings for Steph?"
OB's brain said, 'Yes, yes!' and he would have an excuse to stay away from Max. From Tom too. They could have their happy family and OB could move on.
OB's heart only noticed those eyes.
"Not for Steph."
Before OB realized what he was doing, he leaned over and kissed Max. Their first kiss. Gentle, but rough, the stubble against OB's shaven face. OB never wanted this to end, but he knew he was being selfish, and OB could never be selfish. Reluctantly, he pulled away, pulled away from a flush Max, bewildered.
"I love you, Max."