What hurts the most.

[jacobohare]

7 Years ago the person I call my furry godfather told me I had 6 months to get out of his house. As cruel as it seems it was the right move. I was not registering time in my mind and I was clinging in an unhealthy way. I moved back in with my parents. Fast forward to now. My dad died on fathers day and now my mom is clinging to me. She talks about needed me for a year, when I can't take another day. Today, I'm going to slam a list of grief counselors and therapists in front of her and tell her that if she doesn't call and get an appointment I'm going to blow my brains out right in front of her. I have sacrificed too much for my family. I could have been married to the one I loved. I should be in Canada most likely working. I would have bullied Mike into getting meds for his problems. Hell, I don't even think I have friends left who are reading this. I'm alone and deeply depressed. My mom thinks this is ok but we are using each other like a crutch.

I have to break a widow's heart to help her heal. And my own.