14-15, had to find my ipod
14. People just grow apart. It's sad but no matter how much you care about someone, you gotta let them go. Sometimes they were the kind of person you never wanted to leave behind. I get that. I chose to not fight for the right things. Jac's make bad decisions. If Ken was correct, being friends with you is completely implausible right now. I still really miss you, but I'm not just not ready. I'm terribly afraid of the the repercussions of our friendship, especially with him. It's funny how things end up so flipped. Thank you for aiding me in my zombie/boarding school dreams, and all the trouble you put into our friendship in the past. I will eventually be ready to open up again, but for any future friendship to be an actual one, it will require quite the confrontation. I can't do that yet. Some day I hope to believe we will look back at these two years as the space we needed to grow up. I really truly have come to love you, even more now that we are apart.
15. It's been a month since the last time I wrote to you. A year since this letter. I'm usually discreet but I couldn't finish my 15 without you.
This is the first and least private.
Thursday February 15th 2007
I drank a bottle of crystal light for you today and added one movie to the list of impossible to watch without you. By the way, V for Vendetta? Way over acted. There were times I needed so badly to tell you something that I knew you would laugh hysterically at, like the little boy from Snickety Lemons as a potential serial killer in Law & Order (I know right, that kid couldn't kill a hamster), and so I dove into my contact list to find your number, only to press send and immediately slam the phone closed.
I sat in that math lab last summer without you. Didn't you say you needed to take it?
I must have been standing at your door talking for almost an hour (on the day I moved), and although I refused to go in, by the first 10 minutes I knew I couldn't just walk away. You should have been so mad, but you were pleasant and animated and told me for the thousandth time that it wasn't my fault I was such a bad, NO TERRIBLE influence.That what I did itself didn't bother you, that you even expected it, but there were better ways to go about the situation without causing such a miserable riot. I really appreciated that, because I knew you had to be lying. We discussed everything from tattoos and cars, to love, and I told you how much I missed you guys and the past and how much I would miss you in the future. I wish you weren't watching your brothers, I would have liked to take that walk. It was like months earlier when I called you the night before your birthday and we ended up on the phone talking nonstop from 2-7am, I was wondering when I'd get the chance to talk to you again.
And Speaking of, I will never forget any of our talks (If point A is crossed with point B, then Ron is wrong, If there is in fact any mention of points by variable names, Ron is still wrong, especially if Ron is backed by Nick C), all our walks (avoiding select streets, the night george escaped from jail part one), every crazy secret invention (we should have patented them). Do you remember Subdays with Ken? Would you want to?
I'm glad we shared all the memories we did, the Library, Drivers ed., the movies, and the music, Whenever anybody asks exactly how dumb Nick was I explain that my friend Jon conducted an experiment to demonstrate that Nick was so dumb he was unable to win or even tie, a game of tictactoe. I'm glad also that we fought all the battles we did, you always were firm and stood your ground with me, to this day, nobody else can shut me up by bugging out their eyes and sticking their tongue out at me. I miss your attitude man, I don't think anyone else could beat you in that department.
All that aside,I will never forget the best thing we shared, our favorite thing to fight over. I tried so hard to redeem myself, to keep her close this time because she is more important to me then so many others, she is worth years of working to rebuild a link with, and if I can do anything for you, anything, I could try to show her all the respect and love I could possibly give, she deserves so much better then what is out there, there is no better then you. I worry about her already and I'm not too sure if you would even want me to. I'm only afraid because life is so unfair sometimes, she's got so much to achieve, shes far too capable to be wrapped up in being alone. I want you to know I'm trying not to be a bum, I try everyday to wake up and go to work training, be good to my crazy mother and respect Ken's space like you told me to last year, i hope you hate me less by now.
Thank you for keeping my secrets, I was lucky to have you as my neighbor and daily companion for almost 5 years no matter what that, I will continue to think about you every day, and I'll keep writing because there are just somethings you've gotta laugh about.
15. It's been a month since the last time I wrote to you. A year since this letter. I'm usually discreet but I couldn't finish my 15 without you.
This is the first and least private.
Thursday February 15th 2007
I drank a bottle of crystal light for you today and added one movie to the list of impossible to watch without you. By the way, V for Vendetta? Way over acted. There were times I needed so badly to tell you something that I knew you would laugh hysterically at, like the little boy from Snickety Lemons as a potential serial killer in Law & Order (I know right, that kid couldn't kill a hamster), and so I dove into my contact list to find your number, only to press send and immediately slam the phone closed.
I sat in that math lab last summer without you. Didn't you say you needed to take it?
I must have been standing at your door talking for almost an hour (on the day I moved), and although I refused to go in, by the first 10 minutes I knew I couldn't just walk away. You should have been so mad, but you were pleasant and animated and told me for the thousandth time that it wasn't my fault I was such a bad, NO TERRIBLE influence.That what I did itself didn't bother you, that you even expected it, but there were better ways to go about the situation without causing such a miserable riot. I really appreciated that, because I knew you had to be lying. We discussed everything from tattoos and cars, to love, and I told you how much I missed you guys and the past and how much I would miss you in the future. I wish you weren't watching your brothers, I would have liked to take that walk. It was like months earlier when I called you the night before your birthday and we ended up on the phone talking nonstop from 2-7am, I was wondering when I'd get the chance to talk to you again.
And Speaking of, I will never forget any of our talks (If point A is crossed with point B, then Ron is wrong, If there is in fact any mention of points by variable names, Ron is still wrong, especially if Ron is backed by Nick C), all our walks (avoiding select streets, the night george escaped from jail part one), every crazy secret invention (we should have patented them). Do you remember Subdays with Ken? Would you want to?
I'm glad we shared all the memories we did, the Library, Drivers ed., the movies, and the music, Whenever anybody asks exactly how dumb Nick was I explain that my friend Jon conducted an experiment to demonstrate that Nick was so dumb he was unable to win or even tie, a game of tictactoe. I'm glad also that we fought all the battles we did, you always were firm and stood your ground with me, to this day, nobody else can shut me up by bugging out their eyes and sticking their tongue out at me. I miss your attitude man, I don't think anyone else could beat you in that department.
All that aside,I will never forget the best thing we shared, our favorite thing to fight over. I tried so hard to redeem myself, to keep her close this time because she is more important to me then so many others, she is worth years of working to rebuild a link with, and if I can do anything for you, anything, I could try to show her all the respect and love I could possibly give, she deserves so much better then what is out there, there is no better then you. I worry about her already and I'm not too sure if you would even want me to. I'm only afraid because life is so unfair sometimes, she's got so much to achieve, shes far too capable to be wrapped up in being alone. I want you to know I'm trying not to be a bum, I try everyday to wake up and go to work training, be good to my crazy mother and respect Ken's space like you told me to last year, i hope you hate me less by now.
Thank you for keeping my secrets, I was lucky to have you as my neighbor and daily companion for almost 5 years no matter what that, I will continue to think about you every day, and I'll keep writing because there are just somethings you've gotta laugh about.