I am amazing.

[jackwad]

I just finished the best paper I have ever written. It may, in fact, be the best paper ever written in the history of my university's undergraduate classics program. My professor is going to burst into tears of hysterical joy when she reads it. She will regret that she decided to spend the next semester on maternity leave instead of mentoring me as God intended.

I would let you read it, but somehow I doubt you appreciate Hellenistic mosaics on the deep level that I do.