(no subject)
I find myself with one constant wish. Its has been with me for as lone as i can remember, and as long as i have been able to hold a pen in my hand. It has stuck with me through all the stories i wrote in elementry school, about possessed hamsters, and demon bullies. It sat at the back of my head with all the heroes i have created, whether they were based on me, or completely ficticious. It was there when i started writing in my first journal, talking whimsical nonsense to the lines of each page. And when i started writing in my livejournal, masking and unmasking my life so often that i have lost track of what entries were real and which were just the ravings of a lonely little boy. It sits with me now, and i think i am finally seeing that wish through. I have always wished that i were better with my tongue than i am with my hands. I mean, of course, that i wish i could speak as well as i write, but it all seems so much more fluid on paper.
This weekend has been one long awkward party, spent with all the poeple i didn't know, in places that were unfamiliar to me.. I think actively pursuing a love life has is like evil in me, it contains its own downfall. I stop talking for fear of saying something stupid, and by the time i get up the balls to say anything, it comes out garbled and nosensical. I have been told that i am "awkwardly cute", but when you're original plan is "charming and witty", "awkwardly cute" falls short. Like an old man try to throw a bag of bricks a hundred feet in any direction. A crippled old man. With an oxygen tank. In a wheelchair. With no arms. So i sat around for three nights, with a large group of people playing a game called Werewolf, in which the wovles try to slowly kill of the villagers by pointing at them in the dark. Its more fun than it sounds. I helped build a fort on a couple of seperate occasion. One was dubbed Couchalot, the other Fort Chair... don't look at me like that, i was tired.
The morning after the second fort building, i went to breakfast with a group of poeple i knew slightly better than the days before, in a place that i knew slightly better than being lost. I should breakfast more often, even if all i have is oatmeal and a bagel. That bagel was good. I spoke in broken english and french so buchered you wouldn't dare call me charming. Can you guess waht i was trying to do? Right, it was only after awkwardly repeating my mistakes later that day that i came to the realization mentioned earlier. Then there was bowling which was a completely diferent thing, as i try to do well in that field, and i do... most of the time. Set that along side several games of Dance Dance Revolution, and trip to Shari's catching up on time spent away from friends, it was defenately the warming up i do right at the end of a party. Well fuck, Its after one, despite what the date timer says, and i have to get up for class in a little under 7 hours.
"Don't blame it on the fundamental fact that no one owes you something."
-h. danger
This weekend has been one long awkward party, spent with all the poeple i didn't know, in places that were unfamiliar to me.. I think actively pursuing a love life has is like evil in me, it contains its own downfall. I stop talking for fear of saying something stupid, and by the time i get up the balls to say anything, it comes out garbled and nosensical. I have been told that i am "awkwardly cute", but when you're original plan is "charming and witty", "awkwardly cute" falls short. Like an old man try to throw a bag of bricks a hundred feet in any direction. A crippled old man. With an oxygen tank. In a wheelchair. With no arms. So i sat around for three nights, with a large group of people playing a game called Werewolf, in which the wovles try to slowly kill of the villagers by pointing at them in the dark. Its more fun than it sounds. I helped build a fort on a couple of seperate occasion. One was dubbed Couchalot, the other Fort Chair... don't look at me like that, i was tired.
The morning after the second fort building, i went to breakfast with a group of poeple i knew slightly better than the days before, in a place that i knew slightly better than being lost. I should breakfast more often, even if all i have is oatmeal and a bagel. That bagel was good. I spoke in broken english and french so buchered you wouldn't dare call me charming. Can you guess waht i was trying to do? Right, it was only after awkwardly repeating my mistakes later that day that i came to the realization mentioned earlier. Then there was bowling which was a completely diferent thing, as i try to do well in that field, and i do... most of the time. Set that along side several games of Dance Dance Revolution, and trip to Shari's catching up on time spent away from friends, it was defenately the warming up i do right at the end of a party. Well fuck, Its after one, despite what the date timer says, and i have to get up for class in a little under 7 hours.
"Don't blame it on the fundamental fact that no one owes you something."
-h. danger