slipping on the inside of the cat's meow
Hi. Um, I don't know. It's really weird. I keep thinking about the past, of high school and of Marcin and Nick and all my friends. It just makes me feel more shitty. I was talking to Jame on saturday all day about how I've been. For those of you who don't know Jame is my friend from work. He was trying to find out why I wasn't happy. If I don't want a relationship why can't I just hook up with people. I don't know. I don't want a boyfriend and I don't want to just hook up with people. I just want a semi mixture of both. I just need a best friend. Nick's in salem far from me and before him I guess I did't have a best friend. Well I did but that's another story. James would make a cool best friend but I think we might be a little too different. I just hate how you can't be a guys best friend without them liking you. Every best friend I've ever had was a guy and they've liked me in some point or other. I don't want that. The last relationship I was in was compltely physical. We had no mind connection at all, I mean we liked to hang out and be together but it was all physical. And the people that I love to talk to and give my mind, heart and soul to I never like physically. Why can't there be someone that has both? It seems like guys that I really want to be with in a phycial matter has no connection with me at all. And guys that are cool and I want to get to know better I would feel weird being with them physcially. Could be because I'm afraid to give my all to just one person? Because it seems that when I like someone in the way that I feel a strong soul connection I get afraid to be physical with them...it weirds me out...could that be because I'm scared of love? I know a kid now, we're close friends and I feel we get along really good and the other day he put his hands on my shoulders to give me a massage and I told him to get off me. It's weird because random stupid people like acquaitances I wouldn't care if they gave me a massage but because it was him I felt weird.
My phycologhist in high school said it was because I was afraid of having a boyfriend and I was afraid of being physcial. But that's just it, I was comepltely physical with my last boyfriend but I felt nothing for him. I mean I loved him because he saw all of me in that way but I didn't love him in the way I loved my other friends who've left me. By the way Nick if you're reading this, I still think of you and I as just friends....hahahaha. I don't know folks.
On another note...what's up with my red sox? God I'm so angry we've lost those last two games, but I just know that if the red sox just pull together as a team and ignore the fact that they're playing the yankees and that they just play for fun...I know we'll win. I don't think the red sox can handle being undere pressure. Pedros pitching I think it's this satuday but I'm not sure. That will definately help us to lose more subtly. hahaha, j/k we're soo not going to lose. If we do I'll be really disappointed in them and in myself because this year out of the last 3 years I've been watching I have a really strong feeling they're going to break the curse. That could jsut be wishful thinking.
Dude Children of Bodom is coming to fucking america next month. You have NNNNNNOOOOOOO idea how fucking happy that makes me. I wish I could call marcin and ask him to go with me but he's a little bitch. And I don't want to bring Nick because he knows nothing about Heavy Metal and heavy metal is the only thing him and I don't share which I like. I like having something for myself. I wish I could bring James but he HATES heavy metal which makes me want to bring him even more. I know they're going to play at the worchester palladium so that means I have to find a ride soon. God please work a miracle so I can go to the concert in peace.
My phycologhist in high school said it was because I was afraid of having a boyfriend and I was afraid of being physcial. But that's just it, I was comepltely physical with my last boyfriend but I felt nothing for him. I mean I loved him because he saw all of me in that way but I didn't love him in the way I loved my other friends who've left me. By the way Nick if you're reading this, I still think of you and I as just friends....hahahaha. I don't know folks.
On another note...what's up with my red sox? God I'm so angry we've lost those last two games, but I just know that if the red sox just pull together as a team and ignore the fact that they're playing the yankees and that they just play for fun...I know we'll win. I don't think the red sox can handle being undere pressure. Pedros pitching I think it's this satuday but I'm not sure. That will definately help us to lose more subtly. hahaha, j/k we're soo not going to lose. If we do I'll be really disappointed in them and in myself because this year out of the last 3 years I've been watching I have a really strong feeling they're going to break the curse. That could jsut be wishful thinking.
Dude Children of Bodom is coming to fucking america next month. You have NNNNNNOOOOOOO idea how fucking happy that makes me. I wish I could call marcin and ask him to go with me but he's a little bitch. And I don't want to bring Nick because he knows nothing about Heavy Metal and heavy metal is the only thing him and I don't share which I like. I like having something for myself. I wish I could bring James but he HATES heavy metal which makes me want to bring him even more. I know they're going to play at the worchester palladium so that means I have to find a ride soon. God please work a miracle so I can go to the concert in peace.