first
I didn't think I would get one of these journal accounts cuz I'm never online enough, but I guess I can record my random thoughts at times. Maybe someone will stumble upon them one day.
What prompted me to write something? I guess it because I was reading a friend's entry and the subject matter depressed me even more. For those of you who will recognize the username, you might me surprised to to find out that I get depressed. I should be like the name denotes, Jack Sparrow happy-go-lucky adventurer without a care in the world...except for the rum of course....and the Black Pearl. And while that does hold true for me, there is more underneath the surface. I observe and understand things that I don't make public, there's a lot more going on up there *points to head* than I let others privy to know.
With friends I'm a pirate, alone I'm wounded and ....for lack of a better word alone. About a year ago I was coming home and crying myself to sleep. And about a year ago, I stopped. I became happy again. Almost anyone who knows me will know why I was unhappy, but only a few if they think hard enough will know why I was happy again.
Except now I'm becoming depressed when I'm alone again. Luckily I have amazing friends I didn't have a year ago to keep me company and make me forget my troubles, and let me be my pirate self more often. My 6 brothers and the one who would be my sister, I owe you all so much.
I know why I'm becoming depressed again though; it gets us all eventually, this is actually my second time. LOVE. That beautiful, accursed four letter word. Love, the greatest joy you can ever experience and at the same time the most tremendous pain you can inflict on yourself. I should be through with love, twice I opened myself up to it and twice it turned it's back on me. The first time my heart was ripped out and then played with. The second was a soft release. I bare no ill will to the second subject, I understand the reasoning...it just hurts. So why am I still searching for love you ask? It's probably because I'm a romantic dreamer at heart. As jaded as I am, I want someone to feel the same way I can feel about them, to hold me when I can't stand anymore and tell me they love me and everything will be fine. I've never had that before. I grew up alone and handled everything alone. *snicker* how very un-pirate of me. But then again, I don't have anyone here to take my mind off these things either.
Oh well, the on going search will continue as usual. To most I may be more now than you used to see me, but there is one very important thing you must never forget....I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy?
What prompted me to write something? I guess it because I was reading a friend's entry and the subject matter depressed me even more. For those of you who will recognize the username, you might me surprised to to find out that I get depressed. I should be like the name denotes, Jack Sparrow happy-go-lucky adventurer without a care in the world...except for the rum of course....and the Black Pearl. And while that does hold true for me, there is more underneath the surface. I observe and understand things that I don't make public, there's a lot more going on up there *points to head* than I let others privy to know.
With friends I'm a pirate, alone I'm wounded and ....for lack of a better word alone. About a year ago I was coming home and crying myself to sleep. And about a year ago, I stopped. I became happy again. Almost anyone who knows me will know why I was unhappy, but only a few if they think hard enough will know why I was happy again.
Except now I'm becoming depressed when I'm alone again. Luckily I have amazing friends I didn't have a year ago to keep me company and make me forget my troubles, and let me be my pirate self more often. My 6 brothers and the one who would be my sister, I owe you all so much.
I know why I'm becoming depressed again though; it gets us all eventually, this is actually my second time. LOVE. That beautiful, accursed four letter word. Love, the greatest joy you can ever experience and at the same time the most tremendous pain you can inflict on yourself. I should be through with love, twice I opened myself up to it and twice it turned it's back on me. The first time my heart was ripped out and then played with. The second was a soft release. I bare no ill will to the second subject, I understand the reasoning...it just hurts. So why am I still searching for love you ask? It's probably because I'm a romantic dreamer at heart. As jaded as I am, I want someone to feel the same way I can feel about them, to hold me when I can't stand anymore and tell me they love me and everything will be fine. I've never had that before. I grew up alone and handled everything alone. *snicker* how very un-pirate of me. But then again, I don't have anyone here to take my mind off these things either.
Oh well, the on going search will continue as usual. To most I may be more now than you used to see me, but there is one very important thing you must never forget....I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy?