no place like fucking home
dude. oh my god. im so fucking happy to be fucking home man. that trip....with sabrina....was the most annoying thing i have ever put myself through. they.....are always...HAPPY. too happy. and her dads a plain assmunch. that family.....is beyond normal happiness....everythings funny to them...and enjoyable...while they were sitting there laughing at everything....my eye was twitching....oh my god man im so happy to be home. and i need a fucking cigarette SO fucking bad man. i was looking around for ANYONE who would give me one..but none of the familys looked like the noncaring type. i let one lady borrow my phone...i was gonna ask her for a cig but i didnt. i talked to jo, and told her i didnt wanna be her friend anymore...of course she tried to make it sound like it was my fault but whatever fuck her...im not MAD at her...i just dont wanna be her friend anymore. i called ashley too...and she was smoking a cig..rubbing it in my face that i wasnt...bleh. ass. oh well ill smoke like a million tonight man. god i need one so bad. i was in a bitchy mood the entire time because of it. and i had a crazy ass dream too about ashley...and ive had that dream before....2 days ago. i keep having this dream that i went to ashleys house, but i had to hide in the closet because if her mom saw me i had to go home...and everytime....she catches me...and drops me off on the side of the road, just a lil ways from my house. everytime. even if im the quietest ever, she ALWAYS finds me. dammit. i guess those dreams are the sign that her mom doesnt HATE me...since she dropped me off at my house...but...she wont ever forgive me and let things go back to normal....and no matter how hard i try to get to ashley...its never gonna work. i guess that means i should just let go....but im SO scared. ever since i fell in love with ashley...ive forgotten everything else. ive forgotten what its like....to be me.