Let's party.
I generally feel like I have a pretty good fortitude insofar as I don't really have emotional 'cycles'. I tend to be pretty stable emotionally. That being said, I find myself in a sort of.. Downward slump.
I feel isolated. I really do. I used to always be a bit confused when I heard that term before because it really sounds like physch talk. Like a pretty concisely defined word for some abstract emotional state. My mood has been glum lately and as I've searched for a reason why, as I'm not like to sit around and do nothing about it, I've realized that I am pretty fucking isolated.
Wesley is my best friend and he's here, of course, and that is really good. I'm not sure what I'd be like internally if I didn't have that guy around. Despite this, I still feel a terrible lack of human contact on a regular basis. Well, adult-human-with-whom-I-have-shared-interests contact. All of my loved friends are far, far away and we communicate solely through text. I don't have any friends to speak of in this place.
It probably is self-isolation, honestly. The no friends here thing is most likely my own fault. We never wanted to stay here for this long, and so I never gave thought to how to meet new folks in this town. Doesn't help that this place is not my kind of place, and so these people are generally not my kind of people. But that is an assumption, and without knowing if it's right or wrong, I went ahead and didn't try anyway.
I go to work and come home with the babe, and take care of household chores and go to the grocery store. And Target. And that's about it. My biggest aquaintance here is the girl that cuts my hair. She's younger than me and alternative and I think she's really cool, but she's also really professional and I would feel a bit weird asking her to hang out. She boyfriend-hops and is in the roommate/apartment switching stage of life, and while that isn't something to turn a nose up at or avoid, I feel like it is certainly not where I am at. So I just chat my ass off with her when she's cutting and dying my hair and then I drive home.
I sort of embarrassed myself recently, in relation to all of this. I'm reading a book series and contacted the authors and got into an email sort of conversation with one of them and then I went and fangirled way too hard. She seemed pretty cool and I was too bored to check my enthusiasm and the fangirl sort of slipped out with my exuberance to chat with someone who seemed so cool. Embarrassing. She hasn't written back, and I don't blame her. SIGH. It's kind of a bummer, too, because it would have been fun to get to know someone that has truly respectable skills in a discipline I admire. Le fuck it.
After that all fell down, I sat around feeling bored and sorry for myself for feeling so bored and I came up with this realization that I need to figure out some sort of outreach. I really do need to find a new friend or several that I can assimilate newness from. It's my own fault I'm this antisocial. And while this flat-line town gives me absolutely no hope, I do have the internet. I poked around the community lists here and I think I'll start with that. It's too bad AIM is a thing sunk in the past, but maybe my original impression that LJ was dead wont turn out to be true.
I'm tired of feeling so bored and lonely and sorry for myself.
(I want to go back to school so badly. I miss that environment of challenge, intelligence, and all the new faces. Plus, I miss swing dancing so hard, and all my memories of it are interlaced with being a college student.)
PITY PARTY, CONCLUDE.
I feel isolated. I really do. I used to always be a bit confused when I heard that term before because it really sounds like physch talk. Like a pretty concisely defined word for some abstract emotional state. My mood has been glum lately and as I've searched for a reason why, as I'm not like to sit around and do nothing about it, I've realized that I am pretty fucking isolated.
Wesley is my best friend and he's here, of course, and that is really good. I'm not sure what I'd be like internally if I didn't have that guy around. Despite this, I still feel a terrible lack of human contact on a regular basis. Well, adult-human-with-whom-I-have-shared-interests contact. All of my loved friends are far, far away and we communicate solely through text. I don't have any friends to speak of in this place.
It probably is self-isolation, honestly. The no friends here thing is most likely my own fault. We never wanted to stay here for this long, and so I never gave thought to how to meet new folks in this town. Doesn't help that this place is not my kind of place, and so these people are generally not my kind of people. But that is an assumption, and without knowing if it's right or wrong, I went ahead and didn't try anyway.
I go to work and come home with the babe, and take care of household chores and go to the grocery store. And Target. And that's about it. My biggest aquaintance here is the girl that cuts my hair. She's younger than me and alternative and I think she's really cool, but she's also really professional and I would feel a bit weird asking her to hang out. She boyfriend-hops and is in the roommate/apartment switching stage of life, and while that isn't something to turn a nose up at or avoid, I feel like it is certainly not where I am at. So I just chat my ass off with her when she's cutting and dying my hair and then I drive home.
I sort of embarrassed myself recently, in relation to all of this. I'm reading a book series and contacted the authors and got into an email sort of conversation with one of them and then I went and fangirled way too hard. She seemed pretty cool and I was too bored to check my enthusiasm and the fangirl sort of slipped out with my exuberance to chat with someone who seemed so cool. Embarrassing. She hasn't written back, and I don't blame her. SIGH. It's kind of a bummer, too, because it would have been fun to get to know someone that has truly respectable skills in a discipline I admire. Le fuck it.
After that all fell down, I sat around feeling bored and sorry for myself for feeling so bored and I came up with this realization that I need to figure out some sort of outreach. I really do need to find a new friend or several that I can assimilate newness from. It's my own fault I'm this antisocial. And while this flat-line town gives me absolutely no hope, I do have the internet. I poked around the community lists here and I think I'll start with that. It's too bad AIM is a thing sunk in the past, but maybe my original impression that LJ was dead wont turn out to be true.
I'm tired of feeling so bored and lonely and sorry for myself.
(I want to go back to school so badly. I miss that environment of challenge, intelligence, and all the new faces. Plus, I miss swing dancing so hard, and all my memories of it are interlaced with being a college student.)
PITY PARTY, CONCLUDE.