(no subject)
Situation has improved. In the process of hiring a new producer. Archive pack is nowhere near done. :P
Back to back exams today, ochem and pchem. Getting tipsy with Claudiose, Corinanose, and Byrose tonight. :)
Epiphany: I used to operate under the premise that if something was wrong (relationship-wise), I could just effect changes. I realized yesterday that I was effecting changes and then looking over my shoulder in an "Okay! I did it! Can we move on now? Can we go back to before?" I realized that it's not going to work like that. Change has been good and things have been improving, but it needs to be sustained. Going back is not an option unless termination is the end-goal. There's no room for doubt because I have to be strong and pull my weight. That energy is needed and will be more productive elsewhere. The changes need to become the norm.
The leaf has to stay turned over, and I have to have faith. It's tough and I have to grow up, to face everything that scared me so much last year (grades, the future, med school, relationships).
It feels cold right now, like I lost something and can't get it back. But at the same time, it's the brisk breeze of wiping things clean and starting over with a stark palate. I have to have faith. The chill is only my imagination, only the misguided ramblings of my mind.
--The Resolutions--
-Give more space
-Trust that priorities, scheduling, and planning are completely just
-Stop nagging
-Believe in the love that exists even when no words are exchanged and the source remains unseen
-Reclaim my life
-Love truly and deeply, and conquer the fear
There's no appropriate way to end this post. I guess my parting words before heading into my exams is:
BELIEVE. Believe in love and optimism and hope and healing and fortitude and the future and success and happy endings and that things can and will be fixed. BELIEVE, and maybe these hopes and dreams can carry us away from all this.
Back to back exams today, ochem and pchem. Getting tipsy with Claudiose, Corinanose, and Byrose tonight. :)
Epiphany: I used to operate under the premise that if something was wrong (relationship-wise), I could just effect changes. I realized yesterday that I was effecting changes and then looking over my shoulder in an "Okay! I did it! Can we move on now? Can we go back to before?" I realized that it's not going to work like that. Change has been good and things have been improving, but it needs to be sustained. Going back is not an option unless termination is the end-goal. There's no room for doubt because I have to be strong and pull my weight. That energy is needed and will be more productive elsewhere. The changes need to become the norm.
The leaf has to stay turned over, and I have to have faith. It's tough and I have to grow up, to face everything that scared me so much last year (grades, the future, med school, relationships).
It feels cold right now, like I lost something and can't get it back. But at the same time, it's the brisk breeze of wiping things clean and starting over with a stark palate. I have to have faith. The chill is only my imagination, only the misguided ramblings of my mind.
--The Resolutions--
-Give more space
-Trust that priorities, scheduling, and planning are completely just
-Stop nagging
-Believe in the love that exists even when no words are exchanged and the source remains unseen
-Reclaim my life
-Love truly and deeply, and conquer the fear
There's no appropriate way to end this post. I guess my parting words before heading into my exams is:
BELIEVE. Believe in love and optimism and hope and healing and fortitude and the future and success and happy endings and that things can and will be fixed. BELIEVE, and maybe these hopes and dreams can carry us away from all this.