(no subject)
i'm so frustrated today :-/
so im going to rant :-O
today is so crappy
lets list why im upset
1. housing fucked up my fucking room assignment, so i guess instead of me and emma living together and dealing with each others drug and alchohal problems we'll get fucking randoms. CUTE!
2. my sister and mom are in florida basking in the sun and i'm not with them and my dad is relaxing around plymouth county, probably drinking marylous coffee, reading the hanson express and waving to my friends on their way to high school while he goes to work...and really i kinda wish i could be with him too.
3. i dont like having my few girlfriends from home upset when im not there because all the guys are becomming a bunch of fucking sell outs, i feel like i have no control here, and without me home, there is no control.
4. i hate looking at myself, no matter how much makeup i wear, how i change my hair or how much weight i lose, i just really need to be a different person for a few weeks.
5. i feel lost...and everyone is now going to get frustrated with me because, i'm just frustrated with everyone.
careen took me for a drive last night, she happened to have a friends car and we just drove, all over the place, into the thick darkness. and she joked with me that we were driving into Boston, and i wanted cry. i just wanted to cry. and i wished that i was fucked up so that i could have pretended and somehow belived i was going back to my places, to bring structure and balence.
usually i do something to myself to make me feel better, but like, now i have a tatoo, i took my plugs out, i dyed my hair, ive lost like 8 pounds, ive changed my nail color 11 times in the past two weeks. i like to change myself but, i need to be in a comfortable environment all the time.
i am a chameleon.
i need to counteract that list...
1. mf, being the big sister i always wished i was given, has figured out a way to pull me into her room so, that way, emma and i can still be together next semester.
2. summer's comming, i think kerin wanted to go to canada, or anywhere would be fine with me. i'll be able to drive away soon enough and maybe it will be with kerin, that would be fantastic.
3. i went to see angels in america with kyle last nite, it was so fabulous. i loved it. we waited for michael and the other actors to come out, to give them hugs. when we did, i was literally rendered speechless. what can you say? that is an intense show and they definatley did it great justice. i'm really pleased that i got to see it.
4. wednesday was robin's birthday, i went to divas with a bunch of amazing people (pics later) and had a great time. got a little drunk. enjoyed my friends, and dance music and just being me. at the end of the night, this larger, dark, handsome, gay man approched me, and in a surprisinly sweet tone said; "i just have to tell you, you are absoulutley adorable, all of my friends were saying that tonite, your just so cute." i had a good outfit too. i did big hair, pink eye shadow, a blue tanktop with a fishnet neckline, red bra with the shirt pulled so it could totally be seen, a jean cheerleader skirt and my checkerboard belt...im fantastic.
5. meh, i'm gunna get drunk tonight. everyone loves drunkcait.
last nite i had shower sex dreams about gay boys.
it was
fantastic
lol
<333 keightsquiresz!
so im going to rant :-O
today is so crappy
lets list why im upset
1. housing fucked up my fucking room assignment, so i guess instead of me and emma living together and dealing with each others drug and alchohal problems we'll get fucking randoms. CUTE!
2. my sister and mom are in florida basking in the sun and i'm not with them and my dad is relaxing around plymouth county, probably drinking marylous coffee, reading the hanson express and waving to my friends on their way to high school while he goes to work...and really i kinda wish i could be with him too.
3. i dont like having my few girlfriends from home upset when im not there because all the guys are becomming a bunch of fucking sell outs, i feel like i have no control here, and without me home, there is no control.
4. i hate looking at myself, no matter how much makeup i wear, how i change my hair or how much weight i lose, i just really need to be a different person for a few weeks.
5. i feel lost...and everyone is now going to get frustrated with me because, i'm just frustrated with everyone.
careen took me for a drive last night, she happened to have a friends car and we just drove, all over the place, into the thick darkness. and she joked with me that we were driving into Boston, and i wanted cry. i just wanted to cry. and i wished that i was fucked up so that i could have pretended and somehow belived i was going back to my places, to bring structure and balence.
usually i do something to myself to make me feel better, but like, now i have a tatoo, i took my plugs out, i dyed my hair, ive lost like 8 pounds, ive changed my nail color 11 times in the past two weeks. i like to change myself but, i need to be in a comfortable environment all the time.
i am a chameleon.
i need to counteract that list...
1. mf, being the big sister i always wished i was given, has figured out a way to pull me into her room so, that way, emma and i can still be together next semester.
2. summer's comming, i think kerin wanted to go to canada, or anywhere would be fine with me. i'll be able to drive away soon enough and maybe it will be with kerin, that would be fantastic.
3. i went to see angels in america with kyle last nite, it was so fabulous. i loved it. we waited for michael and the other actors to come out, to give them hugs. when we did, i was literally rendered speechless. what can you say? that is an intense show and they definatley did it great justice. i'm really pleased that i got to see it.
4. wednesday was robin's birthday, i went to divas with a bunch of amazing people (pics later) and had a great time. got a little drunk. enjoyed my friends, and dance music and just being me. at the end of the night, this larger, dark, handsome, gay man approched me, and in a surprisinly sweet tone said; "i just have to tell you, you are absoulutley adorable, all of my friends were saying that tonite, your just so cute." i had a good outfit too. i did big hair, pink eye shadow, a blue tanktop with a fishnet neckline, red bra with the shirt pulled so it could totally be seen, a jean cheerleader skirt and my checkerboard belt...im fantastic.
5. meh, i'm gunna get drunk tonight. everyone loves drunkcait.
last nite i had shower sex dreams about gay boys.
it was
fantastic
lol
<333 keightsquiresz!