2/100 - MYTHS YOU SHOULD KNOW: CROSSDRESS TO IMPRESS!
So last Friday I watched Thor again because the Avengers is coming out pretty soon and I am both nervous and SUPER EXCITED (nervous because Joss Whedon these are some of my favorite characters and I have A LOT of feels about them, please please do not shit all over it!) about that, so have a Norse myth about Thor and Loki! (Also go watch Thor because Tom Hiddleston is amazing and so are Chris Hemsworth’s biceps)
Right so! One day Thor wakes up from his dreams of thunder and murdering giants (because Thor is seriously ALL ABOUT murdering giants) and realizes his hammer Mjolnir is missing.
So he’s all OH SHIT OH FUCK
LOKIIIII
(because in the Norse pantheon, if something’s gone wrong, either A. Loki did it, or B. Giants did it)
And Loki shows up: I DIDN’T DO IT
I mean
Hey Thor what’s up?
And Thor is like SOMEONE STOLE MY HAMMER
And Loki is like huh. For once I actually DIDN’T do it! What do you know. But I will help you find your hammer. And so they go to talk to Freyja to see if she can help them. (Freyja being the goddess of love, beauty, sex, war, and death. Her chariot is pulled by CATS, which automatically makes her the best ever) Anyway, Thor goes to Freyja and says someone stole my hammer, WAAAAHH
And Freyja says Loki did you do it? And Loki says nope! And Freyja says well shit I’m out of ideas then
So Loki says to Freyja How about you loan me your cloak of feathers, you know, the one that lets you fly, and I will go to Jotunheim (the land of the giants) to see where they hid Mjolnir. Because as we all know, if it wasn’t me it was totally the giants.
And Freyja says Well since you did promise you didn’t take Thor’s hammer and have never screwed us over in the past, sure I will loan you my super valuable cloak!
Hope this won’t come back to bite me in the ass!
So Loki flies to Jotunheim and surprisingly enough DOESN’T steal the cloak. Instead he flies up to a giant named Thrym.
Thrym goes sup Loki
And Loki goes hey Thrym. Say, you wouldn’t happen to have stolen Thor’s hammer would you?
And Thrym goes LOL YOU CAUGHT ME I TOTALLY BURIED IT IN A PLACE YOU’LL NEVER FIND and demands for its return Freyja,
the aforementioned super hot goddess of super-hotness and also death.
So Loki flies back to Thor and Freyja who are both like HOLY SHIT YOU CAME BACK DID YOU LIKE FORGET TO STEAL THE CLOAK OR SOMETHING? IT’S LIKE YOU SUDDENLY HAVE RESPECT FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S POSSESSIONS
And Loki’s like I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m totally a nice guy. Anyway, listen I can totally get Mjolnir back. Freyja just go put on this wedding dress and agree to be Mrs. Thrym and we get the hammer back, easy peasy.
And Thor’s like so Freyja… And Freyja’s all like
And now he will never get his hammer back and all those giants will remain woefully un-killed, mocking him with their very breathing and stuff. D: So Loki comes up with an AWESOME PLAN:
They dress Thor up as a bride and go to Thrym saying Thor is Freyja!
So they go ALL OUT, I’m talking an awesome wedding dress that would make a drag queen weep in envy and they got him some bling and some keys (???) and a bridal veil and Thor feels SUPER PRETTY, basically.
And Loki gets jealous of how totally pretty Thor is and goes I wanna dress up tooooo, so he puts on a dress and goes as Thor’s bridesmaid.
Anyway now that they are all dolled up and got their hair did and are lookin’ fine as hell, Thor and Loki go to Thrym who’s all YEESSSS I'm totally rich which is awesome but now I am totally rich AND married to Freyja, WHO’S THE MAN, THRYM THAT’S WHO and everyone goes to his hall for the reception. Thor is, well, Thor, and eats like, A WHOLE FUCKING OX and EIGHT SALMON and basically EVERYTHING THAT ISN’T NAILED DOWN. And Thrym gives Thor the side eye and Loki goes uhh Freyja was so excited to get married she didn’t eat for a week!
And then Thor washes down his ox with like a KEG OF MEAD and Loki was like excited. Super excited to marry you!
Then Thrym lifts Thor’s veil cos he wants to get himself some of that
and catches a glimpse of Thor’s eyes (who, if I may reiterate, is PISSED AS HELL ABOUT LOSING HIS PRECIOUSSSS HAMMER) and jumps back and is like JFC ARE THE STANDARDS OF BEAUTY DIFFERENT IN ASGARD BECAUSE…HOLY SHIT DUDE. And Loki is like no seriously she was super excited to marry you and didn’t sleep for a week! This is totally Freyja. Totally.
And then Thrym gets the hammer and gives it to Thor and says because this is TOTALLY LEGIT and TOTALLY FREYJA, here is the Thor’s hammer Mjolnir. And Thor goes why thank you dear! and proceeds to KILL EVERYONE.
And the moral of the story is if at first you don't succeed...try crossdressing?
THE END.
Right so! One day Thor wakes up from his dreams of thunder and murdering giants (because Thor is seriously ALL ABOUT murdering giants) and realizes his hammer Mjolnir is missing.
So he’s all OH SHIT OH FUCK
LOKIIIII
(because in the Norse pantheon, if something’s gone wrong, either A. Loki did it, or B. Giants did it)
And Loki shows up: I DIDN’T DO IT
I mean
Hey Thor what’s up?
And Thor is like SOMEONE STOLE MY HAMMER
And Loki is like huh. For once I actually DIDN’T do it! What do you know. But I will help you find your hammer. And so they go to talk to Freyja to see if she can help them. (Freyja being the goddess of love, beauty, sex, war, and death. Her chariot is pulled by CATS, which automatically makes her the best ever) Anyway, Thor goes to Freyja and says someone stole my hammer, WAAAAHH
And Freyja says Loki did you do it? And Loki says nope! And Freyja says well shit I’m out of ideas then
So Loki says to Freyja How about you loan me your cloak of feathers, you know, the one that lets you fly, and I will go to Jotunheim (the land of the giants) to see where they hid Mjolnir. Because as we all know, if it wasn’t me it was totally the giants.
And Freyja says Well since you did promise you didn’t take Thor’s hammer and have never screwed us over in the past, sure I will loan you my super valuable cloak!
Hope this won’t come back to bite me in the ass!
So Loki flies to Jotunheim and surprisingly enough DOESN’T steal the cloak. Instead he flies up to a giant named Thrym.
Thrym goes sup Loki
And Loki goes hey Thrym. Say, you wouldn’t happen to have stolen Thor’s hammer would you?
And Thrym goes LOL YOU CAUGHT ME I TOTALLY BURIED IT IN A PLACE YOU’LL NEVER FIND and demands for its return Freyja,
the aforementioned super hot goddess of super-hotness and also death.
So Loki flies back to Thor and Freyja who are both like HOLY SHIT YOU CAME BACK DID YOU LIKE FORGET TO STEAL THE CLOAK OR SOMETHING? IT’S LIKE YOU SUDDENLY HAVE RESPECT FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S POSSESSIONS
And Loki’s like I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m totally a nice guy. Anyway, listen I can totally get Mjolnir back. Freyja just go put on this wedding dress and agree to be Mrs. Thrym and we get the hammer back, easy peasy.
And Thor’s like so Freyja… And Freyja’s all like
And now he will never get his hammer back and all those giants will remain woefully un-killed, mocking him with their very breathing and stuff. D: So Loki comes up with an AWESOME PLAN:
They dress Thor up as a bride and go to Thrym saying Thor is Freyja!
So they go ALL OUT, I’m talking an awesome wedding dress that would make a drag queen weep in envy and they got him some bling and some keys (???) and a bridal veil and Thor feels SUPER PRETTY, basically.
And Loki gets jealous of how totally pretty Thor is and goes I wanna dress up tooooo, so he puts on a dress and goes as Thor’s bridesmaid.
Anyway now that they are all dolled up and got their hair did and are lookin’ fine as hell, Thor and Loki go to Thrym who’s all YEESSSS I'm totally rich which is awesome but now I am totally rich AND married to Freyja, WHO’S THE MAN, THRYM THAT’S WHO and everyone goes to his hall for the reception. Thor is, well, Thor, and eats like, A WHOLE FUCKING OX and EIGHT SALMON and basically EVERYTHING THAT ISN’T NAILED DOWN. And Thrym gives Thor the side eye and Loki goes uhh Freyja was so excited to get married she didn’t eat for a week!
And then Thor washes down his ox with like a KEG OF MEAD and Loki was like excited. Super excited to marry you!
Then Thrym lifts Thor’s veil cos he wants to get himself some of that
and catches a glimpse of Thor’s eyes (who, if I may reiterate, is PISSED AS HELL ABOUT LOSING HIS PRECIOUSSSS HAMMER) and jumps back and is like JFC ARE THE STANDARDS OF BEAUTY DIFFERENT IN ASGARD BECAUSE…HOLY SHIT DUDE. And Loki is like no seriously she was super excited to marry you and didn’t sleep for a week! This is totally Freyja. Totally.
And then Thrym gets the hammer and gives it to Thor and says because this is TOTALLY LEGIT and TOTALLY FREYJA, here is the Thor’s hammer Mjolnir. And Thor goes why thank you dear! and proceeds to KILL EVERYONE.
And the moral of the story is if at first you don't succeed...try crossdressing?
THE END.