halfway full or empty
the past several days have been full of super highs and super lows.
super highs include:
1. seeing miss kate in all her glory. and even dragging myself out of bed on saturday to make it to brunch too. it was like my first brunch date in ages it seems like. when yr broke, brunch is often the first frill to go. kate is so sweet and kind and understanding and caring, it blows my mind all the time and i'm so hurt and angry that the two of us don't live two blocks away anymore.
2. enjoying kristal's birthday with her. the plans changed often leading into the night, but i knew that if i strapped myself into kristal's love train i'd be fine.
3. having the most amazing night in on saturday night in which me, nico, ric, michy, and sue played turbo cranium and rummikub. we called like a million other people to up our game numbers, but i was sooo utterly happy by the end of the night that it was just us. it was one of those nights that you feel more comfortable in yr own skin than you think you could these days. i played dj and the girls beat the boys. and we ate food and took pictures with sunglasses. i did well at charades and sue hummed the shit out of "i will always love you." poor michelle got accidentally attacked by mao, but it was such an endearing happy moment for me to take care of her and put bandaids all over her back. sigh. i love my friends.
4. spending all day sunday with rebecca. we just drank tea and gossiped, and walked around my neighborhood, and went out to indian food. she's one of my bestest girls.
5. i watched their eyes were watching god made-for-tv movie on sunday night. i looove that book (zora neale hurston). and i have been psyched for weeks about the movie. prolly the first made-for-tv movie i've ever been excited about in my life, at least since disney showed pollyanna (with rudy) when i was like 10.
6. the prospect that i may actually be able to save money for the trip to miami. as long as i'm tough on myself.
7. my work paying for me and nico to see the vagina monologues together. how cute!
8. starting up the hotline training program that i facilitate. i love being a teacher to awesome women!
super lows include:
1. having to cancel at the last minute on a trip to Atlantic City for Kristal's birthday after planning on going for a few weeks. I realized that my money situation did not allow for any discretionary spending, and meals and gambling and drinking a weekend's worth wouldn't work into my revised budget. it sucked because i was so excited.
2. having so much fun with kate on friday night, and getting so drunk, that i started bawling really hard on the dance floor at 700 club right before 2. i made everything really intense and brought up all the sadness i feel about not seeing kate on a friggin friday night. sigh. i can only guess that i was due for that cry for a while, but on friday night on the dancefloor? sigh.
3. going to brunch without my girlfriends on sunday at my friends' steve and andy's place. i love steve and andy, and i get along with many of nico's work friends really well. we have a lot of silly fun together. but the combo of women at this gig totally blew and i felt so utterly uncomfortable that i said like 5 sentences in three hours and ran out the door as soon as it seemed okay to do after eating all this wonderful food that andy prepared. i should've gotten my shit together and brought my girlfriends with--katie rules and she was there, and i like becky too but their presence wasn't enough to sway the overall mix. steve's new gf said some offensive, dumb shit to me and i decided right then and there that i couldn't be her friend until i had some cooling off time. and she was so oblivious of her errors that she asked me to go to a show with her on friday night right before i left. i was really smooth at saying a big fat no. these girls giggled about whipped cream on fruit and dumb shit like that. sigh. i'm so over being polite too so i had to just stare, sigh, and then bolt. plus, i got cranky with nico since i was cranky with the party and he kept urging me not to be, but i didn't want urging, i wanted acceptance. all was well within a few hours, but still.
4. having the most tough, annoying, frustrating calls on the Hotline over the last few days as kristal is out of the office. gd, her job is so tough. i only have it a few hours every once in a while. she works that shit everyday and god bless her for it.
5. missing tracy + the plastics. i regret this a little more everyday. though i wouldn't do anything different since friday night overall was so fun. but i wanted to relive jenelle and me and prom dresses and naked tits and flirting and video songs about nipple hair and all kinds of good things like that.
i have to stop thinking in lists, it makes me crazy, and it makes me feel like i'm always forgetting something (i.e. my best friend's bday?).