i am like that 22 lb lobster
i am so busy at work it's insane. i just started my 2 nights a week training and facilitating the training gives me intense adrenaline rushes. so when i finally leave work around 9 or 9:30 pm, i'm all high on life and want to tell everyone about the wonderful women who are offering like 60 hours of their time in the next 2-3 months to learn about what violence against women is and how to support women in crisis. so if i tell you stories again and again about "this woman in my training," just be flattered that you get to hear my little fits of joy about them.
last night i felt like a real nerd for going to the holy rattlesnakes rendition of NMH's in the aeroplane over the sea at the khyber. i felt so happy hugging on nico's leather jacket back, my chin on his shoulder, singing along with like a kajillion other people. for some reason i felt like the sound in the khyber was really great, but i might have just been wishing it so much so that i experienced it that way. the only thing that woulda made it better was prolly having lauren sass there b/c something about being with her makes feeling like an awkward indie rock girlfriend type pretty cool.
i was sure that there was going to be a massive orgy last night at my place as when we were all drinking we all got that insatiable eye twinkle and were being more than sloppy and touchy feely. everyone kept making weird comments about group sex and there'd be that kind of laugh that you're doing to pretend like you didn't take the comment seriously. am i too old for group sex? prolly not. all the swingers documentaries i see are full of 60 yr olds humping buttnaked on leopard print swings. would i want a group sex orgy at my place? prolly not. i want to be able to leave that shit when i'm done and quit before the awkward downward eyes phase starts. (omg, am i really talking about group sex right now? oy!)
nico was in rare form last night, more like how i am when i'm feeling surly and in love. when i run around and get free drinks from randoms, he sometimes pents up his frustration and unloads the next morning when i can't remember humping some dude on the dance floor. last night, when i was dancing with a random he'd throw his proud dick in the air and interrupt with passion. it was hot. i love that shit. he chased me around the bar with an ardent kind of love. awesome.
and evening was close to done when i was parking rebecca's car at my place cuz she was too drunk and nico came with me and while i was driving this huge station wagon along cambridge street i said something to nico like "i could see myself with you forever" and he said "me too" and for like that moment i really meant it. but it's a statement about not just that moment, so now i just feel silly and embarrassed. i laughed at myself with him this morning. i guess something about being in a family car and acknowledging that i could become a swinger made me feel like i might as well settle down. my hands were at 9 and 3 (they're usually 10 and 2).
i've decided that i am going to apply to grad school this winter for next fall. and my life will change DRASTICALLY. i'll move away somewhere and invent a brand new persona. and i'll be in school and like starting over. i'll feel like i'm 17 again! without a station wagon if you catch my drift.