Life so far without a mother
Before i start writing, I want to say that I write in here because no one is going to read it.
Let's start summarizing;
I had the worst 4 years of my life. I doubt it would get better as time flies by. I can confidently say that i take the award for having the most unfortunate life at the age of 24. I may act bubbly, and fine in person, but no one really knows that i secretly struggling inside alone. I prefer not to talk about my problems, because I do not want to sound like a downer. Plus alongside no one can't really relate to what I am going through.
I recently lost my mother to gastric cancer back in late February. It was extremely hard for me, however its harder for my 8 year old sister.
Yes, i live a very unfortunate life at this time, and i certainly have no control of it, or what is to come. I feel this may be my fate, and this heavy burden could teach me how to toughen up further in life.
I'm suddenly given a role of a mother (not a real one), looking after my 3 younger siblings ever since my mother died. She found out in February 22nd 2012, and she lived for a bit over 2 years. I was close to my mom, because i was the eldest. I was never home much when i was in school because i had a full course load. I spent more time with her as she found out, and tried jugging school with home life. I was the one taking her to chemo treatments, and multiple doctor appointments for the last 2 years. God do i miss her, i long for those scary phone calls from her asking me; 1. if i was hungry, or 2. where the heck am I at 8:00pm. Yep, my mom was a strict mother. I had curfews at 9:00pm, no boyfriend, and definitely no social life. I wanted to drop out of school, and worry for her first, but she wanted me to finish school because I will be the first person with a degree in my household. The day she was dying she told me not to drop out of school, and i did my best to push through. It was my final year too; so the pressure WAS ON.I'm currently working away towards my degree; by squeezing 3 summer courses and hopefully graduate in Fall 2014. I look back and regret not being able to perform well in my 4 years of school. I literally half-assed every assignments without much effort. But oh well, i hope they don't ask for GPA grades when i go for job interviews.
Which leads me to my next point, i don't think i am ready to get a job after graduation. I am not struggling financially as of this moment, but i do hope to take a getaway trip in late october, or november for some time to relax, and figure out what i want, and who i am.
I live in a bubble at the moment, and i have given up on lots of things lately. Most of my time is caring for my siblings, doing house chores, and running errands.
What's even worse, my 23 year old sister is a kidney failure patient, with acute leukaemia. She has major health problems, and she probably won't have a very long life. Her health has gone down recently ever since my mom's death. She was attached to my mom. I worry for her the most. If i was to lose her too, I honestly don't know what to do.
I still cry to this day, but not in front of my siblings.
I have so much to write about, my mind is flustered.
This is only part of it,
Until next time
J
Let's start summarizing;
I had the worst 4 years of my life. I doubt it would get better as time flies by. I can confidently say that i take the award for having the most unfortunate life at the age of 24. I may act bubbly, and fine in person, but no one really knows that i secretly struggling inside alone. I prefer not to talk about my problems, because I do not want to sound like a downer. Plus alongside no one can't really relate to what I am going through.
I recently lost my mother to gastric cancer back in late February. It was extremely hard for me, however its harder for my 8 year old sister.
Yes, i live a very unfortunate life at this time, and i certainly have no control of it, or what is to come. I feel this may be my fate, and this heavy burden could teach me how to toughen up further in life.
I'm suddenly given a role of a mother (not a real one), looking after my 3 younger siblings ever since my mother died. She found out in February 22nd 2012, and she lived for a bit over 2 years. I was close to my mom, because i was the eldest. I was never home much when i was in school because i had a full course load. I spent more time with her as she found out, and tried jugging school with home life. I was the one taking her to chemo treatments, and multiple doctor appointments for the last 2 years. God do i miss her, i long for those scary phone calls from her asking me; 1. if i was hungry, or 2. where the heck am I at 8:00pm. Yep, my mom was a strict mother. I had curfews at 9:00pm, no boyfriend, and definitely no social life. I wanted to drop out of school, and worry for her first, but she wanted me to finish school because I will be the first person with a degree in my household. The day she was dying she told me not to drop out of school, and i did my best to push through. It was my final year too; so the pressure WAS ON.I'm currently working away towards my degree; by squeezing 3 summer courses and hopefully graduate in Fall 2014. I look back and regret not being able to perform well in my 4 years of school. I literally half-assed every assignments without much effort. But oh well, i hope they don't ask for GPA grades when i go for job interviews.
Which leads me to my next point, i don't think i am ready to get a job after graduation. I am not struggling financially as of this moment, but i do hope to take a getaway trip in late october, or november for some time to relax, and figure out what i want, and who i am.
I live in a bubble at the moment, and i have given up on lots of things lately. Most of my time is caring for my siblings, doing house chores, and running errands.
What's even worse, my 23 year old sister is a kidney failure patient, with acute leukaemia. She has major health problems, and she probably won't have a very long life. Her health has gone down recently ever since my mom's death. She was attached to my mom. I worry for her the most. If i was to lose her too, I honestly don't know what to do.
I still cry to this day, but not in front of my siblings.
I have so much to write about, my mind is flustered.
This is only part of it,
Until next time
J