Alright, Mr. Demille, I'm Ready For My Closeup!
Prepare for my first REALLY long entry in a while. I haven't been feeling like writing in my actual journal very much lately, So, it's going to spew out into my lj.. I'm apologizing in advance..
So I am guessing it can't be good when your boyfriend has to scold you until you cry about having to wake up to reality. Although his words were harsh, I know he only wants the best for me. And I know he can't hold my hand through this. Yes, it is true. I have been putting off the real world. I wouldn't say intentionally, but out of fear. I love him for caring enough to want me to knock all the negativity and hostility I hold. And I SO want to just drop it because I'm tired of playing the emotionally unstable neglected by daddy role. I just want to embrace who I am and all of what life has to offer, whether it be good or bad. I need to stop being afraid to take chances. I need to stop being concerned with what people think of me. I need a whole personality make-over. The agenda?
-STOP being so negative about EVERY LITTLE THING
-STOP being concerned with what people may think of you/your decisions (mainly your father)
-STOP relying so much on others, make decisions for yourself whatever that might mean
-EMBRACE who you are completely
Sad that even after I say it and KNOW my heart wants to change those things, I still have doubts. Ugh! This is so annoying!
So I've decided that for now these are my FINAL options:
1. Move to NY and live with dad, go to school and get a job (Even though Greg won't allow me to do this because of what my dad has put him through, he says he would never let my dad do that to me.)
2. Get out of FL, take out a loan to live in an on campus apt, go to school and get a job.
3. Continue working and start night classes at UT.
That's what it's really down to. Bottom line is I need to go back to school and I need to just pick a field. I have decided no matter what, I want to follow my dream and work for Disney. There are so many things I could do with Disney too. So my FINAL choices are either Stay with Psych (although that won't do much to work with Disney), stay with Marketing, Combine Psych/Marketing, go a completely different way and take up Graphic Design to possibly work in animation or development for Disney. My problem? I CANNOT MAKE UP MY MIND!! I just need to do it.. and I'm going to this week. I can't let my life slip away and that is what I'm doing. Im just gonna go with my instinct and that will be that.
*phew*
Aside from that, I went to a job interview down in Largo today for a job with a title company in Palm Harbor doing Data Entry. Only problem is they only pay $8 an hour. Once you get hired with them you make incentives on how much work you do for them. So, I'm not too sure just yet. I am going to look through Sundays paper while I watch the Golden Globes. Johnny looks hot, as alwayssss.
After the interview, I headed to Express. Part of my Christmas gift from dad was to use my Express card (under his name, muhahaha) to get some clothes.
2 pairs of jeans I got, $20 a piece!
Black tube top and a long thin sparklie shirt
This is a total Jackie outfit!
Had to have this shirt, looked great and felt good on
Back of same shirt
Necklace, looks better on, but is so beautiful
And a shot of me and Norb at the Causeway :)
Since I don't have a job this week, I am dedicating most of my week to research what I am going to do with my life. I'm just about there on a decision... This is something that needs to be decided... Off to watch the Golden Globes now... Thanks to all the actresses who are bringing back vintage glamour... You make me want to be a star!!
do you...
:x: wish you could live somewhere else: Yes
:x: think about suicide: I will admit I have, but I plan not to ever again
:x: believe in online dating: If it works for you, more power to you
:x: think others find you attractive: Sure
:x: want more piercings: Yes
:x: like cleaning: Yes! Sad, I know
:x: like roller coasters: YES!
:x: write in cursive or print: Print
:x: last talked to: Mom
:x: last thought of: Where my life is headed
:x: last showered: This morning
:x: last cut your nails: Not recently
:x: last did laundry: about a week ago
:x: last hugged a tree: Never
:x: last watched anime: Last week! I got Aeon Flux on DVD!
:x: last prayed: Last night
for or against…
:x: long distant relationships: If you can make it work, I’m for it
:x: killing people: For, if they’ve killed, than they should suffer the same fate
:x: teenage smoking: Against it in general, but I’ve done it so, I can’t say much
:x: driving drunk: Against
:x: gay/lesbian relationships: For, love is all that matters
:x: soap operas: For! Even though mine are ridiculous!
have you…
:x: ever cried over a boy: Of course
:x: ever been in a fist fight: When I was like.. 12..
:x: ever been arrested: No
:x: ever had a friend die: No
:x: ever dated a cousin: No!
:x: ever used a gun: Yes
:x: ever frenched kiss: Yes lol
:x: ever finished a puzzle: Yes
:x: ever got surgery: Yes
:x: ever got beat up: No
:x: ever hated someone: Yes, although I’m not proud to admit that
:x: ever made a huge mistake: Of course
:x: ever tried any drugs: Only pot
:x: ever jogged a mile: Yes, not willingly though
:x: ever played w/ someone’s feelings: Yes…
:x: ever had feelings for someone younger than you: Yes ;)
what..
:x: shoes do you wear: Depends what I’m wearing
:x: are you scared of: Death, spiders, tornadoes, dying unloved
:x: do you sleep in: tshirt and boxers
:x: did you eat for lunch: some ceasar salad
:x: is love: Being fearless with someone, feeling you can get through anything with someone else
number…
:x: of times I have had my heart broken?: 1, but it’s mended
:x: of hearts I have broken?: Quite a few lol
:x: of girls I have kissed?: Hahaha
:x: of boys I have kissed?: Quite a few
:x: of guys/girls you've rejected?: Quite a few
:x: of drugs you taken: One, numerous times..
:x: of accidents you been in: 1 serious, 2 not so serious
:x: of people you lean on?: Depends who’s there
:x: of people you broke up with?: 3
do you think you are…
:x: pretty: Yes
:x: funny: Yes
:x: hott: Sometimes
:x: friendly: Yes
:x: ugly: Sometimes :/
:x: loveable: Yes
:x: caring: Yes
:x: dorky: Yes
:x: cocky: Not really
:x: girly: Yes
:x: boyish: Sometimes
:x: smart: Yes
:x: pimp: Naw
:x: angel: No
:x: gangster: No
favorite…
:x: FOUR letter word: FUCK or FOOD ;)
:x: comedian: Pablo Francisco
:x: candy: I have so many!! Anything chocolate, gummy bears.. anything!
:x: cartoon: Aeon Flux, Jem
:x: cereal: Honey bunches of Oats, Cheerios
:x: chewing gum: Been trying not to chew gum, I have TMJ :/
:x: day of week: Friday
:x: least fave day: Mondays…
:x: jello flavor: I am not a huge jello fan, watermelon or orange
:x: summer/winter: Winter
:x: trampolines or swimming pools: trampoline!
Last person who/that...
:x: slept in your bed: Me… lol
:x: saw you cry: Norb
:x: made you cry: Norb, but for a GOOD reason
:x: you went to the movies with: Norb
:x: yelled at you: Norb :/ haha
:x: sent you an email to: My Aunt Peggy
have you ever…
:x: said "i love you" and meant it?: Absolutely
:x: gone out in public in your pajamas?: Yes
:x: kept a secret from everyone?: Yes
:x: cried during a movie?: Yes
:x: ever at anytime owned new kids on the block?: Hell yes!
:x: planned your week based on the TV Guide?: No
:x: been on stage?: Yes
:x: been to New York?: Yes
:x: been to California?: Yes
:x: been to Florida?: Yes
:x: Hawaii?: No
:x: China?: No
:x: Canada?: No
:x: Europe?: No… soon though!
:x: what time is it now?: 8:25pm
:x: apples or bananas?: bananas
:x: blue or red?: blue
:x: walmart or target?: target, SO sick of WalMart
:x: spring or fall?: Fall
:x: what are you gonna do after you finish this?: Read the job section
:x: what was the last meal you ate?: Grilled chicken and mixed veggies.. watching the waist line
:x: are you bored?: Not really, have a lot to do today
:x: last noise you heard?: TV
:x: last smell you sniffed?: Dinner
:x: last time you went out of state/province?: In Oct
:x: last car ride: Earlier today
friendship/love…
:x: do you believe in love at first sight?: Yes
:x: do you want children one day & if so, how many?: Yes, 3 max.
:x: most important thing to you in a friendship is?: Loyalty
random stuff…
:x: criminal record?: No
:x: do you speak any other languages?: SOME spanish…
:x: name some of your favorite things in your bedroom: My ipod, My digi cam, My cat!
:x: piercings and where?: Ears and Belly
:x: worst feeling in the world?: Feeling lost
:x: whom do you love: My mom, my grandmother, Norb
your…
:x: nickname(s): Jackie, Jack, Beana
:x: initials: JMO
:x: how old do you look?: 18 lmao
:x: how old do you act? About 12…. lol
:x: glasses/contacts?: No, used to, but I need them again
:x: braces: Had them, not any more
:x: do you have any pets?: Yes, Jessie, my cat
:x: you get embarrassed?: Not very often
:x: what upsets you?: Stupid shit
LAST THiNG YOU
:x: bought- Clothes at Express
:x: wore- Something fancy
:x: ate- Dinner
:x: drank- Water
:x: smelled- Dinner
:x: touched- My kitty
:x: saw- The TV
:x: watched- The Golden Globes
:x: yelled at- nothing? lol
:x: stole- Nothing
:x; took a picture of- My clothes from Express! haha
:x: played- My Gamecube
:x: wrote- This
:x: typed- This
:x: read- A receipt
:x: made fun of- Someone on the Golden Globes
:x: pissed on- The toilet?
:x: did on the computer- This
I took the "The Aura Color Personality" quiz on gURL.com
My aura is...
red
Red has come to be associated with extreme emotions like passion and anger. And indeed, people with a red aura often experience love and rage more strongly than others on the aura spectrum. Although they do have strong personalities, reds aren't just great balls of fire. Read more...
What color is your aura?
Ten Top Trivia Tips about Jacquelyn!
The last one is totally true!!!
One last edit... I stole this from autumnocean and I could NOT believe how accurately scary the results were.. Even more evidence to my issues... Take this test...
#################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### ####################################################
Your personality type is SLOAN
You are social, moody, organized, accommodating, and non-intellectual, and may prefer a city which matches those traits.
The largest representation of your personality type can be found in the these U.S. cities: Charlotte, Harrisburg, Cleveland, Memphis, Cincinnati, Kansas City, Dallas/Ft. Worth, Richmond, Philadelphia Area, Greenville/Spartanburg, Reno, Indianapolis and these international countries/regions Luxembourg, Bulgaria, Ukraine, Turkey, Taiwan, Iceland, Hong Kong, South Korea, Portugal, Philippines, India, Guam, Canada, England, Indonesia, Japan
What Places In The World Match Your Personality?
City Reviews at CityCulture.org
SLOAN
makes plans and sticks to them, easily moved to tears, prefers organized to unpredictable, easy to get to know, clean, orderly, easily frustrated, heart over mind, prefers to finish things ahead of schedule, always on the go, organized, tense, easily hurt, prone to panic, religious tendencies, gregarious, open, punctual, perfectionist, realist, narcissistic, worrying, values rules and regulations, uninterested in science, competitive, interested in others, always prepared, aggressive, fears doing the wrong thing, generous, helpful, hard working, productive, socially skilled, ambivalent about theoretical discussions, strong sense of purpose, likes to lead, apologetic, finishes most things they start, not scientific, dislikes science fiction, spens more time in group activities than solitary activities, not mystical, not manipulative, traditional, emotional, fits in most places, feels best when romantically involved, prefers the familiar to the unfamiliar, motivated, prefers to do things with others
Social
more verbal than non verbal, spends more time in group activities than solitary activities, does not like to go long without speaking to anyone, loves night life activities and crowds, competes for the spotlight, fits in most places, trusting, self expressive, not the best listener, action oriented, if they had to live their life over again they would not change much, dresses to stand out, seductive, very sexual, does not fear getting involved with others, female extroverts like tight fitting clothing, have more desire than fear, enjoys leadership, brutally honest, more random than controlled, impulsive, optimistic, motivated, wants to be famous, exhibitionist tendencies
So I am guessing it can't be good when your boyfriend has to scold you until you cry about having to wake up to reality. Although his words were harsh, I know he only wants the best for me. And I know he can't hold my hand through this. Yes, it is true. I have been putting off the real world. I wouldn't say intentionally, but out of fear. I love him for caring enough to want me to knock all the negativity and hostility I hold. And I SO want to just drop it because I'm tired of playing the emotionally unstable neglected by daddy role. I just want to embrace who I am and all of what life has to offer, whether it be good or bad. I need to stop being afraid to take chances. I need to stop being concerned with what people think of me. I need a whole personality make-over. The agenda?
-STOP being so negative about EVERY LITTLE THING
-STOP being concerned with what people may think of you/your decisions (mainly your father)
-STOP relying so much on others, make decisions for yourself whatever that might mean
-EMBRACE who you are completely
Sad that even after I say it and KNOW my heart wants to change those things, I still have doubts. Ugh! This is so annoying!
So I've decided that for now these are my FINAL options:
1. Move to NY and live with dad, go to school and get a job (Even though Greg won't allow me to do this because of what my dad has put him through, he says he would never let my dad do that to me.)
2. Get out of FL, take out a loan to live in an on campus apt, go to school and get a job.
3. Continue working and start night classes at UT.
That's what it's really down to. Bottom line is I need to go back to school and I need to just pick a field. I have decided no matter what, I want to follow my dream and work for Disney. There are so many things I could do with Disney too. So my FINAL choices are either Stay with Psych (although that won't do much to work with Disney), stay with Marketing, Combine Psych/Marketing, go a completely different way and take up Graphic Design to possibly work in animation or development for Disney. My problem? I CANNOT MAKE UP MY MIND!! I just need to do it.. and I'm going to this week. I can't let my life slip away and that is what I'm doing. Im just gonna go with my instinct and that will be that.
*phew*
Aside from that, I went to a job interview down in Largo today for a job with a title company in Palm Harbor doing Data Entry. Only problem is they only pay $8 an hour. Once you get hired with them you make incentives on how much work you do for them. So, I'm not too sure just yet. I am going to look through Sundays paper while I watch the Golden Globes. Johnny looks hot, as alwayssss.
After the interview, I headed to Express. Part of my Christmas gift from dad was to use my Express card (under his name, muhahaha) to get some clothes.
2 pairs of jeans I got, $20 a piece!
Black tube top and a long thin sparklie shirt
This is a total Jackie outfit!
Had to have this shirt, looked great and felt good on
Back of same shirt
Necklace, looks better on, but is so beautiful
And a shot of me and Norb at the Causeway :)
Since I don't have a job this week, I am dedicating most of my week to research what I am going to do with my life. I'm just about there on a decision... This is something that needs to be decided... Off to watch the Golden Globes now... Thanks to all the actresses who are bringing back vintage glamour... You make me want to be a star!!
do you...
:x: wish you could live somewhere else: Yes
:x: think about suicide: I will admit I have, but I plan not to ever again
:x: believe in online dating: If it works for you, more power to you
:x: think others find you attractive: Sure
:x: want more piercings: Yes
:x: like cleaning: Yes! Sad, I know
:x: like roller coasters: YES!
:x: write in cursive or print: Print
:x: last talked to: Mom
:x: last thought of: Where my life is headed
:x: last showered: This morning
:x: last cut your nails: Not recently
:x: last did laundry: about a week ago
:x: last hugged a tree: Never
:x: last watched anime: Last week! I got Aeon Flux on DVD!
:x: last prayed: Last night
for or against…
:x: long distant relationships: If you can make it work, I’m for it
:x: killing people: For, if they’ve killed, than they should suffer the same fate
:x: teenage smoking: Against it in general, but I’ve done it so, I can’t say much
:x: driving drunk: Against
:x: gay/lesbian relationships: For, love is all that matters
:x: soap operas: For! Even though mine are ridiculous!
have you…
:x: ever cried over a boy: Of course
:x: ever been in a fist fight: When I was like.. 12..
:x: ever been arrested: No
:x: ever had a friend die: No
:x: ever dated a cousin: No!
:x: ever used a gun: Yes
:x: ever frenched kiss: Yes lol
:x: ever finished a puzzle: Yes
:x: ever got surgery: Yes
:x: ever got beat up: No
:x: ever hated someone: Yes, although I’m not proud to admit that
:x: ever made a huge mistake: Of course
:x: ever tried any drugs: Only pot
:x: ever jogged a mile: Yes, not willingly though
:x: ever played w/ someone’s feelings: Yes…
:x: ever had feelings for someone younger than you: Yes ;)
what..
:x: shoes do you wear: Depends what I’m wearing
:x: are you scared of: Death, spiders, tornadoes, dying unloved
:x: do you sleep in: tshirt and boxers
:x: did you eat for lunch: some ceasar salad
:x: is love: Being fearless with someone, feeling you can get through anything with someone else
number…
:x: of times I have had my heart broken?: 1, but it’s mended
:x: of hearts I have broken?: Quite a few lol
:x: of girls I have kissed?: Hahaha
:x: of boys I have kissed?: Quite a few
:x: of guys/girls you've rejected?: Quite a few
:x: of drugs you taken: One, numerous times..
:x: of accidents you been in: 1 serious, 2 not so serious
:x: of people you lean on?: Depends who’s there
:x: of people you broke up with?: 3
do you think you are…
:x: pretty: Yes
:x: funny: Yes
:x: hott: Sometimes
:x: friendly: Yes
:x: ugly: Sometimes :/
:x: loveable: Yes
:x: caring: Yes
:x: dorky: Yes
:x: cocky: Not really
:x: girly: Yes
:x: boyish: Sometimes
:x: smart: Yes
:x: pimp: Naw
:x: angel: No
:x: gangster: No
favorite…
:x: FOUR letter word: FUCK or FOOD ;)
:x: comedian: Pablo Francisco
:x: candy: I have so many!! Anything chocolate, gummy bears.. anything!
:x: cartoon: Aeon Flux, Jem
:x: cereal: Honey bunches of Oats, Cheerios
:x: chewing gum: Been trying not to chew gum, I have TMJ :/
:x: day of week: Friday
:x: least fave day: Mondays…
:x: jello flavor: I am not a huge jello fan, watermelon or orange
:x: summer/winter: Winter
:x: trampolines or swimming pools: trampoline!
Last person who/that...
:x: slept in your bed: Me… lol
:x: saw you cry: Norb
:x: made you cry: Norb, but for a GOOD reason
:x: you went to the movies with: Norb
:x: yelled at you: Norb :/ haha
:x: sent you an email to: My Aunt Peggy
have you ever…
:x: said "i love you" and meant it?: Absolutely
:x: gone out in public in your pajamas?: Yes
:x: kept a secret from everyone?: Yes
:x: cried during a movie?: Yes
:x: ever at anytime owned new kids on the block?: Hell yes!
:x: planned your week based on the TV Guide?: No
:x: been on stage?: Yes
:x: been to New York?: Yes
:x: been to California?: Yes
:x: been to Florida?: Yes
:x: Hawaii?: No
:x: China?: No
:x: Canada?: No
:x: Europe?: No… soon though!
:x: what time is it now?: 8:25pm
:x: apples or bananas?: bananas
:x: blue or red?: blue
:x: walmart or target?: target, SO sick of WalMart
:x: spring or fall?: Fall
:x: what are you gonna do after you finish this?: Read the job section
:x: what was the last meal you ate?: Grilled chicken and mixed veggies.. watching the waist line
:x: are you bored?: Not really, have a lot to do today
:x: last noise you heard?: TV
:x: last smell you sniffed?: Dinner
:x: last time you went out of state/province?: In Oct
:x: last car ride: Earlier today
friendship/love…
:x: do you believe in love at first sight?: Yes
:x: do you want children one day & if so, how many?: Yes, 3 max.
:x: most important thing to you in a friendship is?: Loyalty
random stuff…
:x: criminal record?: No
:x: do you speak any other languages?: SOME spanish…
:x: name some of your favorite things in your bedroom: My ipod, My digi cam, My cat!
:x: piercings and where?: Ears and Belly
:x: worst feeling in the world?: Feeling lost
:x: whom do you love: My mom, my grandmother, Norb
your…
:x: nickname(s): Jackie, Jack, Beana
:x: initials: JMO
:x: how old do you look?: 18 lmao
:x: how old do you act? About 12…. lol
:x: glasses/contacts?: No, used to, but I need them again
:x: braces: Had them, not any more
:x: do you have any pets?: Yes, Jessie, my cat
:x: you get embarrassed?: Not very often
:x: what upsets you?: Stupid shit
LAST THiNG YOU
:x: bought- Clothes at Express
:x: wore- Something fancy
:x: ate- Dinner
:x: drank- Water
:x: smelled- Dinner
:x: touched- My kitty
:x: saw- The TV
:x: watched- The Golden Globes
:x: yelled at- nothing? lol
:x: stole- Nothing
:x; took a picture of- My clothes from Express! haha
:x: played- My Gamecube
:x: wrote- This
:x: typed- This
:x: read- A receipt
:x: made fun of- Someone on the Golden Globes
:x: pissed on- The toilet?
:x: did on the computer- This
I took the "The Aura Color Personality" quiz on gURL.com
My aura is...
red
Red has come to be associated with extreme emotions like passion and anger. And indeed, people with a red aura often experience love and rage more strongly than others on the aura spectrum. Although they do have strong personalities, reds aren't just great balls of fire. Read more...
What color is your aura?
Ten Top Trivia Tips about Jacquelyn!
- Plato believed that the souls of melancholy people would be reincarnated into Jacquelyn.
- Jacquelyn is worth her weight in gold - literally!
- Jacquelyn is black with white stripes, not white with black stripes.
- If Jacquelyn was life size, she would stand 7 ft 2 inches tall and have a neck twice the size of a human.
- While performing her duties as queen, Cleopatra sometimes dressed up as Jacquelyn!
- Forty percent of the world's almonds and twenty percent of the world's peanuts are used in the manufacture of Jacquelyn!
- Some hotels in Las Vegas have Jacquelyn floating in their swimming pools.
- Jacquelyn once lost a Dolly Parton lookalike contest.
- Apples are covered with a thin layer of Jacquelyn.
- Jacquelyn can sleep with one eye open!
The last one is totally true!!!
One last edit... I stole this from autumnocean and I could NOT believe how accurately scary the results were.. Even more evidence to my issues... Take this test...
#################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### #################################################### ####################################################
Your personality type is SLOAN
You are social, moody, organized, accommodating, and non-intellectual, and may prefer a city which matches those traits.
The largest representation of your personality type can be found in the these U.S. cities: Charlotte, Harrisburg, Cleveland, Memphis, Cincinnati, Kansas City, Dallas/Ft. Worth, Richmond, Philadelphia Area, Greenville/Spartanburg, Reno, Indianapolis and these international countries/regions Luxembourg, Bulgaria, Ukraine, Turkey, Taiwan, Iceland, Hong Kong, South Korea, Portugal, Philippines, India, Guam, Canada, England, Indonesia, Japan
What Places In The World Match Your Personality?
City Reviews at CityCulture.org
SLOAN
makes plans and sticks to them, easily moved to tears, prefers organized to unpredictable, easy to get to know, clean, orderly, easily frustrated, heart over mind, prefers to finish things ahead of schedule, always on the go, organized, tense, easily hurt, prone to panic, religious tendencies, gregarious, open, punctual, perfectionist, realist, narcissistic, worrying, values rules and regulations, uninterested in science, competitive, interested in others, always prepared, aggressive, fears doing the wrong thing, generous, helpful, hard working, productive, socially skilled, ambivalent about theoretical discussions, strong sense of purpose, likes to lead, apologetic, finishes most things they start, not scientific, dislikes science fiction, spens more time in group activities than solitary activities, not mystical, not manipulative, traditional, emotional, fits in most places, feels best when romantically involved, prefers the familiar to the unfamiliar, motivated, prefers to do things with others
Social
more verbal than non verbal, spends more time in group activities than solitary activities, does not like to go long without speaking to anyone, loves night life activities and crowds, competes for the spotlight, fits in most places, trusting, self expressive, not the best listener, action oriented, if they had to live their life over again they would not change much, dresses to stand out, seductive, very sexual, does not fear getting involved with others, female extroverts like tight fitting clothing, have more desire than fear, enjoys leadership, brutally honest, more random than controlled, impulsive, optimistic, motivated, wants to be famous, exhibitionist tendencies