Another Lost...
Maybe it's me..or maybe it's been in front of me the whole time and I've been too busy with my own life to realize it. But I feel as though I've lost my two best friends. They know who they are. Everytime I talk to one of them, they're with the other-havin the time of their lives. Great, I'm happy for you two and seeing you guys having fun makes me happy. But, lately I've realized that the whole drugs and drinking thing is sooo overrated, I'm so sick of people talking about how drunk they got, or how fucked up on weed or heroine, or whatever they are...it's like, ok..yea it's fun for a while, but once you do it--the fun goes away, and so do you. You think it makes you feel like a better person but it doesn't. I've been to hell and back with that shit, hence why I wont touch it anymore, now am I saying I'll never drink a beer? No, that's not what I'm saying. I dont see the need to drink until I can't see straight, its no fun and not to mention the hangover's that follow. Im just terrified one of these days you guys won't wake up. You'll drink and snort til ya puke, and you wont wake up...and I know one of you is thinking "i've been poisoned, i've had this..i've had that..im still here." Yea, as true as that may be, and as right as you are, you never know, you're body can only take so much-one of you was just telling me that your body is shutting down on you, and you're thinkin about cuttin back to give your body time to rebuild itself...that should be the lil red flag telling you to slow it the fuck down before you kill yourself. Yea i know you only do lines of prescription medicine..oh wow big deal, its not illegal..its no different than taking it orally and drinkin water to down it. You have to use medicine to get a high, why not actually put your money together and get some coke, or is it the affect that scares one of you. And this is just an alternative. I just call it like I see it now. Im not saying you guys are bad, and I hate you, because I love you two more than life itself, hence why Im writing about how worried I am about you guys. I know ONE of you is putting my newfound outlook on my boyfriend and his straight edge ways, to be honest, he has nothing to do with this. I realized this on my own, big surprise because according to many I dont have one thought in my head. Well, I do. I dont care that you guys do this, I'm just begging you to be careful...that's all I'm asking. If that's asking too much, and you guys know you aren't going to die, and you KNOW you'll be fine...then maybe I should hand in my badge, and walk away. Because you guys DONT know if you're going to die, you DONT know that you'll be fine, I seriously feel as though I lost my two best friends. To each other. I know how Rhi felt when Stella n I became friends, the third wheel, dont want to interfere with drugs n alcohol cuz its not my scene at the moment. Its a sucky feeling. Yea stella we're still partner's in crime believe me on that. And Rhiannon I still love you dearly, just please be careful alright?