im in my wonderful room....my favorite place to be...
i wasted a whole day today. im a little dissapointed. FREECELL IS TAKING OVER MY LIFE. i cant stop playing...ill always play just one more game....and then by the time i said it was time to stop the first time...i will have played 15 games...its horrible....and its gonna take me forever to update because i have a freecell game open...and i click on it everytime i glance at it...and im watching meet the parents....just a random movie...i was bored....i didnt do anything today...i already said that.....i dont feel right. i dont feel liek i think i should...or how i want. sometimes i just feel like lost. im stressed bout everything. i feel like everything i do is wrong...my dad gets mad at me for everything i do...i think thats where it mostly comes from...to him even if i do something right hell always tell me how i can do it better....its my lesson in life i guess....but really its just his way of making me feel like i did it wrong....whatever it is....ahhh so theres that. theeeen everything i do i feel like is bad in some way. like whatever i like to do or feel like doing...shouldnt be done.....i lie all the time (to my parents i mean) i sneak around (my parents i mean) and i just feel like im always keeping some thing a secret (from my parents of course). ive lost anything that made me care before.....my dad found a stem in my car today and i didnt care....its been liek that for a long time.....ive lost my paranoi skills....i could smoke in my room and not care.....when i first started i had to be at least 3 miles from mile house for fear that my parents might smell me. not liek that anymore. i feel kind of helpless when it comes to my friends too....i liek jason alot...as a friend i mean. hes not minipulative hes not bossy and hes honest...hes a good friend...hes cool and funny too....and kyle...believe it or not i liek chillin with kyle. saul came over. that was cool....we had a good conversation...not about anything important...but liek we used to...when we were hardcore best friends....i remember how good it used to be with him...we did EVVVVVVERYthing together....its not liek that anymore....its really dissapointing. but i guess theres nothin i can really do.....god my knuckles hurt so back..on my left hand....and i told my mom today and she said they shouldnt be hurting....but they do....thats bad. i spent last night with sarah. that was awesome as always. i told her what happens to me. i get like a high. its really cool and if thats my addiction then shes my drug. and thats a good thing because i can never get to much of her. i guess ill end on that note....dont really have much else to say....ive been drama free for a long time...its different....umm...ok well....im just gonna suck it up...till i break down....ide rather not think about that though...alright bye.