But that can never be- it will never never be, cuz i`m not beautiful like you

[jackalsandme]

I`m cold again and i`m wearing orange. No mail again and the rain is gone. Instead of English i had to sit through 2 hours of people trying to tell us that we should try to be a good influence on everyone just like this kid that died and everyone loved. When we finally got out of there, I saw Taylor on the bench playing his guitar. It brought joy to my day and I still wonder if he actually ever attends any classes. When the bell rang out 10 minutes later he was long gone. Lunch was cold, outside schools really suck when it`s cold cuz you want to sit but everything is stone and freezing, I just lay on the cold pavement and pretend it`s a hardwood floor of my dear`s basement and the voices and people are just hollucinations gone wrong. Then in art all of a sudden I look up from my portrait and see a slender male with greasy brown hair bending over the teachers desk holding on to a geeeeetar case. yeaaaaa emediate heart attack. He stayed in the classroom almost the whole period. Needless to say when i went up to the teacher to make sure i was doing ecverything right and could move on to shading i was very thankful that he fucked up half my drawing and kept on saying stuff. Except i don`t really remember what exactly he was saying. I dono but like 10 minutes later i was back at my desk with dashes on my paper and i guess i was supposed to fix stuff or whatever but i swear he was never actually talking to me, but i know Taylor was sitting right next to me dangling his feet talking on the teacher`s phone about where he had to get picked up. I guess he doesn`t have money for his own car?! i dono, but he wants to move to new york at the end of the school year, they talked about that and i wish i could steal his middle finger ring it`s really pretty. Also the back of his sweatshirt had a graffiti type drawing and the anarchic A was on it then he crawled over the desk and fell asleep , but was still shivering at times. His shirt smelled of cigarettes but the good menthol kind. Whoever said that cigarette smell is nasty needs to get their nose checked. To me it`s very calming. I had to put manson back on to focus and the next time i tore away from the drawing he was already gone. But what nothing gives and noone here matters.

"You`re a fool though... Why you feel so bad? Where`s the life you once had?
But still this horrid feeling grows and grows the way you want it to."

"For a moment your eyes open and you know
All the things I ever wanted you to know
I don't know you, and I don't want to..."

-Jackals-