(no subject)
Something weird happened to me last night; I had a strange panic attack. The last time I had one of this nature I was about 12 years old and it scared me then, last night was no exception. I suddenly realized how alone in the world you are when you reach a certain age, last night I would have given anything to be able to crawl in to my parents’ bed and feel safe, just as if I were six years old again. Unfortunately, I am twenty-four and can no longer do that, I guess this is why we seek a partner, so we can have that parental safety that we once had without it being incestuous.
Anyway, my point is that I am frightened I don’t like being twenty-four, I don’t like being alone. Yes, I know I have friends but lately I haven’t been the good friend to them so I deserve nothing from them. I used to think I had a soul mate but they proved to be just as untrustworthy and backstabbing as the rest of them.
I think that is why I like being with M, because I am under no illusion of how things will be and in some weird way that makes me feel safe.
Talking of which, I need to get ready as we are going in to town to get him bleach and pink hair dye so I can dye his Mohawk!
Anyway, my point is that I am frightened I don’t like being twenty-four, I don’t like being alone. Yes, I know I have friends but lately I haven’t been the good friend to them so I deserve nothing from them. I used to think I had a soul mate but they proved to be just as untrustworthy and backstabbing as the rest of them.
I think that is why I like being with M, because I am under no illusion of how things will be and in some weird way that makes me feel safe.
Talking of which, I need to get ready as we are going in to town to get him bleach and pink hair dye so I can dye his Mohawk!