Insomnia again.

[jack_o_nine]

I think there really is a problem. Sleep deprivation due to anxiety. And I keep hearing noises that I invent are people breaking into the apartment. So i guess that could mean i have mild PTSD symptoms too, still. It's like going into an alarmed state of panic, where the cost of your fears coming true override the benefit of snapping out of it and just turning a light on to bring yourself back to reality. I really am happy with my newest song, even if Stephen isn't. It has described how I'm feeling completely these last couple days and reading over the lyrics makes me pretty emotional, since they can be applied in so many different ways. I don't feel cocky feeling this way because I've decided that I do just do music for me, and that's why It's hard to take criticism because I write purely what raw emotions come out of me, not keeping in mind that someone else might be interpreting it. In fact, I'm not sure I even care to be an expert at guitar or in musical theory. Good or bad music, it's my outlet. When someone has opinions on how they would change it, I almost always immediately reject it, because that changes every detail of the song that came out of me when I was feeling those exact emotions, so how could anyone else make it better if they don't understand or feel that mentality? That affects the whole honesty of the piece.

I'm lonely tonight.
Shallow company doesn't satisfy
the need for Something on my mind..
go to bed early and rise
a little emptier inside.

It's just me tonight.
I got no company to even give a try..
How will I pass the time?
Go to bed early and rise
a little more tired.

I hate to be alone.
And I hate it when You're gone.
It looks like I've got no one else to call.
so i'll bother you.

The stars are on my mind,
mocking me while brilliant in the sky.
Maybe being far away makes this a little bit stronger.