Hello
Even if you are faking it, then you are still being you.
That now is a part of you.
So how much control do we have over ourselves?
It's amazing how people can relate to each other. I wonder if that determines your level of agreement. I tend to think I am one of those people who give others the benefit of the doubt. I am willing to be open. I will still judge you. But, I probably won't act on it. And I know my judgement means jack-shit.
For example, take patheticASS*1
For how conceited, irritating, and totally unknowingly obnoxious he is....
I can see myself in him.
And that's why I believe we hate the things in others, that we hate in ourselves.
It must be a relative thing.
Which is why people NEED to relate to each other. Because you can only be a bitch or asshole for so long, but after some time, you lose your own grip on reality.
Why do we try to explain this all?!?! hahaha. I think it's just nice to lay out when you think of something. We are all constantly webbing these ideas in our minds. I should apologize for my grammar right NOW!
Today Lydia and I worked out and did our annual nightly duties. Including our Meijer run. I realize in the past how important Meijer has been. From last minute treats, random birthday gifts, or just a place to pass boredom.
I sound like a bad book report. Or a bad livejournal entry.
Oh my !
I need to write in here, because I want to look back and remember where I was.
I hope I am not just an optimist. If I am. Then it is working. I am not perfect. I am messy. I can't keep things clean or organized. I spill drinks on me. I can't get out of a two seater car if I'm sitting in the car. I am just not a linear person!! But, I have found something things that have worked. Am I lucky? What moment in my life, thus far, has made these parts of my life just. work. out.
How do I get a family that loves me enough to keep me safe. Ones that do everything for me. Yet, taught me to have enough sense on my own. They let me be independent, but never on my own.
And LOVE LOVE LOVE.
It is never easy. It does not come quick. It started off superficial. A game. Another face. Another body. Another story. And it turned into something deeper and more important. And the ONE thing I never did.... I never cheated. I never went the easy way. And somehow, I came out with this wonderful person. I KNOW I am young. I know I have more to experience. This is my first love. This is my first relationship outside of my family. And I am finally @ that point where I don't want to hear, that I DON'T KNOW. Because I do. We have worked together, we have fought, we have cried, we have laughed. But, we've done it together. I have never felt like I have in the past 3 and half years like I do now. I have never felt so much MYSELF. Like, I have what I need. and now just what I need. Just, for the first time I feel so complete. Which is weird. And possible. And I won't NOT let myself love every moment of it. Just because most people can't get it straight. I'm just ging to count my blessing and keep going.
See you in 6 months :)
That now is a part of you.
So how much control do we have over ourselves?
It's amazing how people can relate to each other. I wonder if that determines your level of agreement. I tend to think I am one of those people who give others the benefit of the doubt. I am willing to be open. I will still judge you. But, I probably won't act on it. And I know my judgement means jack-shit.
For example, take patheticASS*1
For how conceited, irritating, and totally unknowingly obnoxious he is....
I can see myself in him.
And that's why I believe we hate the things in others, that we hate in ourselves.
It must be a relative thing.
Which is why people NEED to relate to each other. Because you can only be a bitch or asshole for so long, but after some time, you lose your own grip on reality.
Why do we try to explain this all?!?! hahaha. I think it's just nice to lay out when you think of something. We are all constantly webbing these ideas in our minds. I should apologize for my grammar right NOW!
Today Lydia and I worked out and did our annual nightly duties. Including our Meijer run. I realize in the past how important Meijer has been. From last minute treats, random birthday gifts, or just a place to pass boredom.
I sound like a bad book report. Or a bad livejournal entry.
Oh my !
I need to write in here, because I want to look back and remember where I was.
I hope I am not just an optimist. If I am. Then it is working. I am not perfect. I am messy. I can't keep things clean or organized. I spill drinks on me. I can't get out of a two seater car if I'm sitting in the car. I am just not a linear person!! But, I have found something things that have worked. Am I lucky? What moment in my life, thus far, has made these parts of my life just. work. out.
How do I get a family that loves me enough to keep me safe. Ones that do everything for me. Yet, taught me to have enough sense on my own. They let me be independent, but never on my own.
And LOVE LOVE LOVE.
It is never easy. It does not come quick. It started off superficial. A game. Another face. Another body. Another story. And it turned into something deeper and more important. And the ONE thing I never did.... I never cheated. I never went the easy way. And somehow, I came out with this wonderful person. I KNOW I am young. I know I have more to experience. This is my first love. This is my first relationship outside of my family. And I am finally @ that point where I don't want to hear, that I DON'T KNOW. Because I do. We have worked together, we have fought, we have cried, we have laughed. But, we've done it together. I have never felt like I have in the past 3 and half years like I do now. I have never felt so much MYSELF. Like, I have what I need. and now just what I need. Just, for the first time I feel so complete. Which is weird. And possible. And I won't NOT let myself love every moment of it. Just because most people can't get it straight. I'm just ging to count my blessing and keep going.
See you in 6 months :)