kansas city adventures
this one time i was in kansas city, missouri with one of my best friends in the whole entire world, lauren, from kansas city. it was a thursday night or something and we just finished watching american wedding. bored, lauren, her friend anna, and i, went to some trailer trash party in the boonies. driving over the state line to kansas city, kansas, lauren, anna, and i (carefully) entered a trashy, smoke-filled house to meet our friends matt and jane. the notorious kansas city matt was the object of my desire, with wildly sexy looks, blonde hair, blue eyes, 6 feet. on driving patrol, lauren and anna went into the front room to smoke some cheap, cheap weed (were talking dollar store weed here) while they left me alone in the kitchen with some crazy ass grungy people. faced with a situation such as this one, my first instinct is to drink. my second insitinct is to get alone with the object of my desire. asking if i could light up my marlboro light in her house, the girl who lived there told me to go ahead. then seeing a gallon of cheap vodka, i asked if i could take a shot. rather than taking a shot in the traditional manner, i pulled the entire gallon of vodka to my lips and drank. and drank. and drank. i ashed my marlboro light into a dying flower's pot. i made small talk with matt about everything and we seemed to click. the fat, ugly, trashy people in the room started to look comfortable, beautiful, and classy. it all made sense. i looked up at the fan in the room. i offered matt a marlboro light, when he pulled out some marlboro light 100's. he tried to explain to me that smoking two-hundereds was not an extra long cigarette, but rather two one-hundred length cigarettes. we sat there and just continued to smoke. i got matt to drink. this is the first time i have ever used alcohol to get someone in bed. not that i needed him to be drunk, it just made things more fun and made them go easier. all of the sudden my good old friend lauren walked into the room looking plae as a ghost and sick as a dog. anna was in bad shape too. they entered the kitchen and opened the sliding door to the patio. it was storming like crazy outside and it was really bad. everyone was standing around lauren seeing if she was okay. i sat with matt. matt made some rude comments. i just looked at him and thought whatever he was saying was absolutely perfect and intellectual. leaving the party, lauren, anna, matt, jane, and i all hopped into anna's white toyota and headed to get some food for lauren. it just so happens that a wendy's double cheeseburger does wonders for lauren's conditions, which we later found out were the "munchies." bored and too intrigued by matt sitting next to me to remain silent about it, i straddled up on his lap and started wildly making out with him, forgetting that (a) lauren was next to me and (b) the car was compact). we made out all the way back to the house for matt to get his car. matt told me to come over to him in the pouring rain. he slammed me against his yellow jeep and thrust himself against me wildly biting and licking me. that was the most intimate, romantic moment i have ever had with someone in my entire life. ironic that he was basically a stranger, we were drunk, and we were not alone. just wow. the power of some things. to remember that night so vividly. gazing out of the window and thinking about matt, we crossed back into missouri.... lauren feeling a lot better, anna a little more stoned, and me a little bit happier.