my life as it stands
so last night i decided to be creative.... seeing as i was too tired to make any plans or answer any calls. sorry kids.
work is great, i really am enjoying myself, especially when i work in birmingham. its hard work and it wipes me out of feeling, emotion, and energy, but i dont mind.... i like it. and it makes money. well, a little at least. farmington's boring, but at least i get to play solitare.
one of the painiting contractors, dave, has a 16-year-old niece. shes cute, for a girl. all the guys are telling me to hook up with her or take her out. at least ask her out. seeing as i pretend to be ultra-straight at work, the guys never second guess me, even though a trained gaydar person could tell. they threaten to hold me to asking her out tomorrow. if i dont, i think theyll know. if i do, im gonna break some girl's heart (maybe) and just lie to myself. if i let it progress, ill be even more upset. i think i am gonna do it. it might be fun.... dont get me wrong.... im not trying to be straight. but for experimental purposes and for the sake of my workplace happiness, i think i might. it may confuse my parents and all, but who gives a fuck? im just gonna try it out to make everything a lot easier.
call me a sellout, call me a bad person. im doing it for myself. im not straight. i hate girls body parts. dont get me wrong. but to start with someone on a clean slate.... someone who doesnt know anything about me. someone who only knows im the guy who works at the paint store. that would be cool.
only a couple signifigant occurances in the past three days.
monday night i went out with chris for a little while after i saw carolyn. it was fun and i met all of his friends. i mean, it was a lot of fun.
so chris was really upset about greg (understandably) and i was trying to make him feel better, but in my attempt to do so, i told him that the matt and greg thing was just a passing phase and it was only cuz he was upset about marc. i passed it off as the truth, i guess you could say, but it was only speculation. but im no shrink. i think i may have pissed off everyone whos gay and that makes me a little upset, but we'll live..... i guess we'll manage. not to mention im done with looking for someone who's right for me, cuz there really are only 10 of us to choose from. im just waiting for the right one to come along. but my specifications are impossible, methinks. someday he'll come along.
if not i can always marry carolyn. we'll live on the east coast and wake up early to the birds chirping and the sun rising. it would be beautiful. we would sip coffee slurpees and just enjoy the presence of eachother, our adopted latvian children sleeping, and the beauty of the east coast.
speaking of which, meghan left for villanova yesterday. she called me to tell me what a great time she was having and i just got upset. im so glad shes having a great time and im glad she took the time to call me, but i just want her to myself. i want to be having a good time with her.... but its okay. the girl's growing up. she hasnt changed all that much that i can tell over the two years ive been good friends with her and i know some change will do her good. siiiigh. i just miss her. this is good for her. this is good for her. this is good for her.
fred lavery had my car all day yesterday. they are not going to pay for repainting my car. they said it was my fault i abused the paint. also, the car has 10,000 miles on the clock and it needed a $260 non-warranty brake job, which i had to pay for. my dad's CHEVROLET tahoe has 70,000 miles in three years and it hasnt had its breaks changed. thats bullshit. just because i drive agressively and brake aggressively means that i shot three days of working to pay for a break job. just fucking fabulous.
anyways, all will be well. laying low may be the best thing for me for now.
until next time.....
work is great, i really am enjoying myself, especially when i work in birmingham. its hard work and it wipes me out of feeling, emotion, and energy, but i dont mind.... i like it. and it makes money. well, a little at least. farmington's boring, but at least i get to play solitare.
one of the painiting contractors, dave, has a 16-year-old niece. shes cute, for a girl. all the guys are telling me to hook up with her or take her out. at least ask her out. seeing as i pretend to be ultra-straight at work, the guys never second guess me, even though a trained gaydar person could tell. they threaten to hold me to asking her out tomorrow. if i dont, i think theyll know. if i do, im gonna break some girl's heart (maybe) and just lie to myself. if i let it progress, ill be even more upset. i think i am gonna do it. it might be fun.... dont get me wrong.... im not trying to be straight. but for experimental purposes and for the sake of my workplace happiness, i think i might. it may confuse my parents and all, but who gives a fuck? im just gonna try it out to make everything a lot easier.
call me a sellout, call me a bad person. im doing it for myself. im not straight. i hate girls body parts. dont get me wrong. but to start with someone on a clean slate.... someone who doesnt know anything about me. someone who only knows im the guy who works at the paint store. that would be cool.
only a couple signifigant occurances in the past three days.
monday night i went out with chris for a little while after i saw carolyn. it was fun and i met all of his friends. i mean, it was a lot of fun.
so chris was really upset about greg (understandably) and i was trying to make him feel better, but in my attempt to do so, i told him that the matt and greg thing was just a passing phase and it was only cuz he was upset about marc. i passed it off as the truth, i guess you could say, but it was only speculation. but im no shrink. i think i may have pissed off everyone whos gay and that makes me a little upset, but we'll live..... i guess we'll manage. not to mention im done with looking for someone who's right for me, cuz there really are only 10 of us to choose from. im just waiting for the right one to come along. but my specifications are impossible, methinks. someday he'll come along.
if not i can always marry carolyn. we'll live on the east coast and wake up early to the birds chirping and the sun rising. it would be beautiful. we would sip coffee slurpees and just enjoy the presence of eachother, our adopted latvian children sleeping, and the beauty of the east coast.
speaking of which, meghan left for villanova yesterday. she called me to tell me what a great time she was having and i just got upset. im so glad shes having a great time and im glad she took the time to call me, but i just want her to myself. i want to be having a good time with her.... but its okay. the girl's growing up. she hasnt changed all that much that i can tell over the two years ive been good friends with her and i know some change will do her good. siiiigh. i just miss her. this is good for her. this is good for her. this is good for her.
fred lavery had my car all day yesterday. they are not going to pay for repainting my car. they said it was my fault i abused the paint. also, the car has 10,000 miles on the clock and it needed a $260 non-warranty brake job, which i had to pay for. my dad's CHEVROLET tahoe has 70,000 miles in three years and it hasnt had its breaks changed. thats bullshit. just because i drive agressively and brake aggressively means that i shot three days of working to pay for a break job. just fucking fabulous.
anyways, all will be well. laying low may be the best thing for me for now.
until next time.....