fuck this shit
today was truly really a bad day.
woke up at 7:00. i have mastered the art of corvettage so hopefully when i get back from the corvette caravan with dad on sunday (leaving wednesday to be trapped in a corvette for five days), i can drive around in my car. freelander's outta here soon.... thinking about the 9-3. mom says yes cuz of that crash test that just came out and rated freelander poor in side collisions.... if thats really the way i wanna spend my $$$. yah, i think it is.
i need to think of myself, now. i mean, i already do a stellar job at that.... trust me, but i dont know. just let myself relax and enjoy myself. live in the moment.... thats my motto and thats why i think i will be doing this. i deserve it.... no. but i can do it.... yes. will it make me happy? temporarily until i start to want a new car. and a moment of gratification is all i need right now.
gotta sell the damn thing tho.... anyone up for a freelander with 9726 miles on it?
its all i need. not sexual gratification. at all. just a moment of happiness. or a few months of happiness. i just dont wanna end up being sad. i need something to cover the sad. its sad that a new car can cover my sad, but it will. for now.
anyways, the sad. perhaps im overreacting. perhaps im being dumb. okay. but thats the way it is.
recap of day:
driving
family
went out to look for someone to play with, but no one called me back. just drove for hours upon hours going god knows where. a half a tank of gas somewhere i guess. aaron calls, i go over to his house. we talk. i leave. it was slightly annoying, but i cant fill in details.
saw julianne's new hair.... very cute.
went home. helped dad with some stuff. ate. left.
just drove around more waiting for people to call. i saw evan and alex and they honked. i met up. we sat in the back of my car. it was okay, but weird. i just sat there. we went to meet marc at max and ermas. we see matt. alex runs up to his car and starts talking. he comes to dinner. i sit on one side, alex on the other. marc and evan sit together. everything was messed up. i really didnt wanna see matt cuz i knew it would really end up hurting me. and it did.
our waitress was fun. her name was brooklyn jordan. she dated two guys from max and ermas. she was nice, we left her a big tip. the weirdness set in. marc treated me like i was some deranged phyco and not the deranged phyco friend that i was to him. alex overshadowed me. evan just sat there. i let it slip out that i decided to not smoke because matt doesnt like it. i stressed marc out. i tried to be me, and i was. and it wasnt working. matt's phone rings. its s****. i only know this cuz i saw his caller id really fast. of course he picks up for s****.
listen, im not saying that he doesnt have the right to like s****, or that s**** doesnt have the right to like him. im not saying either one of them have to like me. im just saying, it (a) hurts to know whats going on and (b) it sucks that matt just cant tell me hes not interested in me. that would be fine, i suppose. i mean, i wouldnt get over him, but i think i could move on.
matts a good person. thats his fault. he cant staright out tell anyone he doesnt like them or that theyre stalkerish. i get the message when he doesnt answer his phone, but it confuses me when hes still flirty. i dont know. i dont know. i still feel like hes the end all be all.
anyways, dinner continues and i just need a breather, so i pretend my phone rings and i just walk around the block to cool down.
matt cant do anything after cuz of his myseterious plans. i think at this point only i know theyre with s*****. i dont care.
we leave, alex and matt pair off. evan and marc pair off. i walk back to the structure. i get there, so does matt and alex. i give a phony smile and drive off. whatever. not my place to interfere.
go to jesse's. everyone was there. like all of my favorite people, namely jesse, em, morgan, lacey, aaron, michelle curtis, alix, etc. i enter depressed, i leave happy. something about em just makes me happy. its reassuring that shes nice to me too. we finish sex in the city and play outside. its fun. i take my pants off. i put them back on.
we look for better things to do, leave, i come close to running through the kroger store in my car, like up on the sidewalk. em takes over. thats a good thing. i jus feel so safe with her-- like shes the cool mom i didnt have. we pick up v**** and just chill. drive to peoples houses, people get bored. it gets gay. em, me, and lacey drive back to em's house. i sleep on the backseat. its rather comfy just to forget about everything.
i drive lacey back to jesse's. thats it.
recap: bad beginning, good ending.
overall: bad. give up hope. fuck it.
woke up at 7:00. i have mastered the art of corvettage so hopefully when i get back from the corvette caravan with dad on sunday (leaving wednesday to be trapped in a corvette for five days), i can drive around in my car. freelander's outta here soon.... thinking about the 9-3. mom says yes cuz of that crash test that just came out and rated freelander poor in side collisions.... if thats really the way i wanna spend my $$$. yah, i think it is.
i need to think of myself, now. i mean, i already do a stellar job at that.... trust me, but i dont know. just let myself relax and enjoy myself. live in the moment.... thats my motto and thats why i think i will be doing this. i deserve it.... no. but i can do it.... yes. will it make me happy? temporarily until i start to want a new car. and a moment of gratification is all i need right now.
gotta sell the damn thing tho.... anyone up for a freelander with 9726 miles on it?
its all i need. not sexual gratification. at all. just a moment of happiness. or a few months of happiness. i just dont wanna end up being sad. i need something to cover the sad. its sad that a new car can cover my sad, but it will. for now.
anyways, the sad. perhaps im overreacting. perhaps im being dumb. okay. but thats the way it is.
recap of day:
driving
family
went out to look for someone to play with, but no one called me back. just drove for hours upon hours going god knows where. a half a tank of gas somewhere i guess. aaron calls, i go over to his house. we talk. i leave. it was slightly annoying, but i cant fill in details.
saw julianne's new hair.... very cute.
went home. helped dad with some stuff. ate. left.
just drove around more waiting for people to call. i saw evan and alex and they honked. i met up. we sat in the back of my car. it was okay, but weird. i just sat there. we went to meet marc at max and ermas. we see matt. alex runs up to his car and starts talking. he comes to dinner. i sit on one side, alex on the other. marc and evan sit together. everything was messed up. i really didnt wanna see matt cuz i knew it would really end up hurting me. and it did.
our waitress was fun. her name was brooklyn jordan. she dated two guys from max and ermas. she was nice, we left her a big tip. the weirdness set in. marc treated me like i was some deranged phyco and not the deranged phyco friend that i was to him. alex overshadowed me. evan just sat there. i let it slip out that i decided to not smoke because matt doesnt like it. i stressed marc out. i tried to be me, and i was. and it wasnt working. matt's phone rings. its s****. i only know this cuz i saw his caller id really fast. of course he picks up for s****.
listen, im not saying that he doesnt have the right to like s****, or that s**** doesnt have the right to like him. im not saying either one of them have to like me. im just saying, it (a) hurts to know whats going on and (b) it sucks that matt just cant tell me hes not interested in me. that would be fine, i suppose. i mean, i wouldnt get over him, but i think i could move on.
matts a good person. thats his fault. he cant staright out tell anyone he doesnt like them or that theyre stalkerish. i get the message when he doesnt answer his phone, but it confuses me when hes still flirty. i dont know. i dont know. i still feel like hes the end all be all.
anyways, dinner continues and i just need a breather, so i pretend my phone rings and i just walk around the block to cool down.
matt cant do anything after cuz of his myseterious plans. i think at this point only i know theyre with s*****. i dont care.
we leave, alex and matt pair off. evan and marc pair off. i walk back to the structure. i get there, so does matt and alex. i give a phony smile and drive off. whatever. not my place to interfere.
go to jesse's. everyone was there. like all of my favorite people, namely jesse, em, morgan, lacey, aaron, michelle curtis, alix, etc. i enter depressed, i leave happy. something about em just makes me happy. its reassuring that shes nice to me too. we finish sex in the city and play outside. its fun. i take my pants off. i put them back on.
we look for better things to do, leave, i come close to running through the kroger store in my car, like up on the sidewalk. em takes over. thats a good thing. i jus feel so safe with her-- like shes the cool mom i didnt have. we pick up v**** and just chill. drive to peoples houses, people get bored. it gets gay. em, me, and lacey drive back to em's house. i sleep on the backseat. its rather comfy just to forget about everything.
i drive lacey back to jesse's. thats it.
recap: bad beginning, good ending.
overall: bad. give up hope. fuck it.