Happy Valentine's Day
In honor of Valentine's Day, I decided to post my one and only fan fic. It is about Sam and Cassie coping with Janet's loss. There is a wee bit of Sam/Pete toward the end.
Coping
Sam kicked off her shoes and sank down into the lovely softness of her sofa. She wanted nothing more than to curl up and forget this long, horrible day. The memorial service at the base was hard enough, but the funeral was agonizing. As long as she lived, she would never forget the sight of Cassie’s pale face pinched with grief and so determined to be brave as she watched them bury her mother. The rest of the family would never know how much Janet gave for them, how she really died out there among the stars. But Cassie, a child of the stars herself, she knew and understood why her mother’s sacrifice had been required of her.
Today, Cassie looked so strong and brave, not like that first night when Sam held her until she cried herself to sleep. Sam woke the next morning to find Cassie in her mother’s room. She was sitting in an antique rocker wrapped in Janet’s old bathrobe. When Cassie looked up at her, Sam saw her that her eyes were red, but her face was serene.
“This smells like her-like her perfume,” Cassie said as she pulled the comfortable, old bathrobe more tightly around her shoulders. “It reminds me of when I first came to live here. I used to have nightmares about my mom and dad a lot. She would bring me in here and rock me on her lap until I fell asleep. It took a long time, but the nightmares finally stopped.” Sam nodded unable to say anything as Cassie continued, “I owe her so much. I feel like I have a lot to live up to-I just-I just want to make her proud.”
“She has always been proud of you, Cassie. Always...” Sam’s voice broke and this time it was Cassie who held Sam as they cried together-- for Janet and for the last day of Cassie’s childhood.
Janet would have been prouder than ever of her daughter today. Cassie moved gracefully among family and friends at the wake, comforting more than being comforted--so like her mother that Sam wanted to weep again. “She’s quite a young lady,” Sam heard the guests whisper among themselves, “A credit to her mother.”
Sam watched with tears in her eyes as Cassie took Daniel aside and asked him to tell her everything about the last moments of her mother’s life. Then she hugged him for a long time and told him, “I’m so glad that a friend was there with her.”
Daniel’s face haunted Sam as well-a quiet mixture of grief and guilt. She knew she needed to talk to him, to see if he was ok, to tell him that there was absolutely nothing else he could have done. But wrapped up in her own grief and Cassie’s, she felt unable to cope with anyone else’s. She still couldn’t think about Janet without crying, let alone talk about her. For now, she’d have to leave Daniel to the Colonel and Teal’c. They couldn’t make him talk, but they would do their best to cheer him up. Lord help Daniel if they went jello wrestling again.
Sam rubbed her eyes and thought about what to do next “Okay, Sam. Cassie’s with Janet’s sister, Pete’s in Denver and you’re all alone on a Saturday night. So nothing new, right?” Weekend nights used to be pretty slow around the Carter household until Cassie started dating Dominic. Then she and Janet turned Saturday night into girl’s night out. One time they…
The horrible truth stabbed at her heart -there was no Janet anymore. She never realized until now how much Janet and Cassie had become a part of her life. She loved her family and she loved her team, but the bond she shared with Janet was very special. Maybe it was because they were both women in a male-dominated profession or maybe because they both loved Cassie so much. Whatever the reason, she knew the hole in her heart would never fully heal. She lost her friend, her confidante, her partner-in-crime, her sister... so what the heck was she supposed to do now?
Sam felt the tears well up again and impatiently swiped her hands over her eyes. Enough with the tears already. She had already cried more this week than she had since Daniel…
“That’s enough, Samantha.” She told herself firmly. “It’s bad enough you sobbed all over Colonel O’Neill. You need to get up and do something else besides crying.”
She took some deep breaths and climbed reluctantly off the sofa. She looked around her living room for something to distract herself. She didn’t really feel like cleaning the house or watching TV. But she did feel like losing herself so completely in something that she’d forget how awful she felt. She spied her gym bag by the bedroom door. That might work if the gym was still open
She glanced at her watch to check the time and chuckled softly when she saw the date-February 14-Valentine’s Day. More memories of Janet bubbled to the surface. Last Valentine’s Day, she and Janet spent the afternoon helping Cassie get ready for a dance. Then they rented sappy movies to watch while they waited for Cassie to get home. Sam felt a little foolish for crying at the sad parts until she noticed that Janet’s eyes were suspiciously red as well. They started laughed hysterically at each other. They were still laughing when Cassie walked in the door and rolled her eyes at them, which made them laugh even harder.
The pain of her grief hit her again. “Oh, Janet.”
Celebrating Valentine’s Day this year was the last thing on her mind. Perhaps it was just as well that her plans with Pete fell through when he was assigned to a big case and couldn’t get away. He offered to rearrange his schedule to be with her when she called to tell him about Janet, but she told him to stay in Denver because she would be spending most of her time with Cassie anyway.
It was easier not to miss him when she was kept so busy helping Cassie plan and organize and arrange. But right now with her responsibilities complete and her memories threatening to overwhelm her, she was surprised to realize how much she needed Pete to lean on.
Just as she was reaching for the phone, it rang.
“Hello,”
“Hi, Gorgeous.”
“Pete, I’m so glad to hear your voice.”
“I’m glad to hear yours, too. How are you doing?”
“Better now that I’m talking to you, but it’s still hard, you know?“
“I know. I’m so sorry, Sweetheart. Listen, I know you might not really be in the mood for Valentine’s Day, but I got you a surprise.”
“You did?”
“Yeah, it’s at your front door. ”
“It can’t be. I just came in and I didn’t see anything.”
“Do you know how fast UPS is? Just open the door, Sam.”
Sam walked to the door and opened it and then stood speechless.
“Surprise,” said Pete clicking his cell phone shut. “I tried to find some of that wine with the duck on the label, but I guess they only sell it in Canada or something, so I hope you don’t mind that I got you me instead.”
Sam smiled for the first time in what seemed like a very long time and took his hand to draw him inside. She didn’t mind at all.
Coping
Sam kicked off her shoes and sank down into the lovely softness of her sofa. She wanted nothing more than to curl up and forget this long, horrible day. The memorial service at the base was hard enough, but the funeral was agonizing. As long as she lived, she would never forget the sight of Cassie’s pale face pinched with grief and so determined to be brave as she watched them bury her mother. The rest of the family would never know how much Janet gave for them, how she really died out there among the stars. But Cassie, a child of the stars herself, she knew and understood why her mother’s sacrifice had been required of her.
Today, Cassie looked so strong and brave, not like that first night when Sam held her until she cried herself to sleep. Sam woke the next morning to find Cassie in her mother’s room. She was sitting in an antique rocker wrapped in Janet’s old bathrobe. When Cassie looked up at her, Sam saw her that her eyes were red, but her face was serene.
“This smells like her-like her perfume,” Cassie said as she pulled the comfortable, old bathrobe more tightly around her shoulders. “It reminds me of when I first came to live here. I used to have nightmares about my mom and dad a lot. She would bring me in here and rock me on her lap until I fell asleep. It took a long time, but the nightmares finally stopped.” Sam nodded unable to say anything as Cassie continued, “I owe her so much. I feel like I have a lot to live up to-I just-I just want to make her proud.”
“She has always been proud of you, Cassie. Always...” Sam’s voice broke and this time it was Cassie who held Sam as they cried together-- for Janet and for the last day of Cassie’s childhood.
Janet would have been prouder than ever of her daughter today. Cassie moved gracefully among family and friends at the wake, comforting more than being comforted--so like her mother that Sam wanted to weep again. “She’s quite a young lady,” Sam heard the guests whisper among themselves, “A credit to her mother.”
Sam watched with tears in her eyes as Cassie took Daniel aside and asked him to tell her everything about the last moments of her mother’s life. Then she hugged him for a long time and told him, “I’m so glad that a friend was there with her.”
Daniel’s face haunted Sam as well-a quiet mixture of grief and guilt. She knew she needed to talk to him, to see if he was ok, to tell him that there was absolutely nothing else he could have done. But wrapped up in her own grief and Cassie’s, she felt unable to cope with anyone else’s. She still couldn’t think about Janet without crying, let alone talk about her. For now, she’d have to leave Daniel to the Colonel and Teal’c. They couldn’t make him talk, but they would do their best to cheer him up. Lord help Daniel if they went jello wrestling again.
Sam rubbed her eyes and thought about what to do next “Okay, Sam. Cassie’s with Janet’s sister, Pete’s in Denver and you’re all alone on a Saturday night. So nothing new, right?” Weekend nights used to be pretty slow around the Carter household until Cassie started dating Dominic. Then she and Janet turned Saturday night into girl’s night out. One time they…
The horrible truth stabbed at her heart -there was no Janet anymore. She never realized until now how much Janet and Cassie had become a part of her life. She loved her family and she loved her team, but the bond she shared with Janet was very special. Maybe it was because they were both women in a male-dominated profession or maybe because they both loved Cassie so much. Whatever the reason, she knew the hole in her heart would never fully heal. She lost her friend, her confidante, her partner-in-crime, her sister... so what the heck was she supposed to do now?
Sam felt the tears well up again and impatiently swiped her hands over her eyes. Enough with the tears already. She had already cried more this week than she had since Daniel…
“That’s enough, Samantha.” She told herself firmly. “It’s bad enough you sobbed all over Colonel O’Neill. You need to get up and do something else besides crying.”
She took some deep breaths and climbed reluctantly off the sofa. She looked around her living room for something to distract herself. She didn’t really feel like cleaning the house or watching TV. But she did feel like losing herself so completely in something that she’d forget how awful she felt. She spied her gym bag by the bedroom door. That might work if the gym was still open
She glanced at her watch to check the time and chuckled softly when she saw the date-February 14-Valentine’s Day. More memories of Janet bubbled to the surface. Last Valentine’s Day, she and Janet spent the afternoon helping Cassie get ready for a dance. Then they rented sappy movies to watch while they waited for Cassie to get home. Sam felt a little foolish for crying at the sad parts until she noticed that Janet’s eyes were suspiciously red as well. They started laughed hysterically at each other. They were still laughing when Cassie walked in the door and rolled her eyes at them, which made them laugh even harder.
The pain of her grief hit her again. “Oh, Janet.”
Celebrating Valentine’s Day this year was the last thing on her mind. Perhaps it was just as well that her plans with Pete fell through when he was assigned to a big case and couldn’t get away. He offered to rearrange his schedule to be with her when she called to tell him about Janet, but she told him to stay in Denver because she would be spending most of her time with Cassie anyway.
It was easier not to miss him when she was kept so busy helping Cassie plan and organize and arrange. But right now with her responsibilities complete and her memories threatening to overwhelm her, she was surprised to realize how much she needed Pete to lean on.
Just as she was reaching for the phone, it rang.
“Hello,”
“Hi, Gorgeous.”
“Pete, I’m so glad to hear your voice.”
“I’m glad to hear yours, too. How are you doing?”
“Better now that I’m talking to you, but it’s still hard, you know?“
“I know. I’m so sorry, Sweetheart. Listen, I know you might not really be in the mood for Valentine’s Day, but I got you a surprise.”
“You did?”
“Yeah, it’s at your front door. ”
“It can’t be. I just came in and I didn’t see anything.”
“Do you know how fast UPS is? Just open the door, Sam.”
Sam walked to the door and opened it and then stood speechless.
“Surprise,” said Pete clicking his cell phone shut. “I tried to find some of that wine with the duck on the label, but I guess they only sell it in Canada or something, so I hope you don’t mind that I got you me instead.”
Sam smiled for the first time in what seemed like a very long time and took his hand to draw him inside. She didn’t mind at all.