Hagooblebleh
Spirits, what HAS happened to me? I used to be a common poster here, and now we've all but dissappeared from the online otherkin community. One must wonder why...
Perhaps it's the fact that I don't really have any personal connections to the other forumgoers. I mean, it's nice to be able to look at people like Glass or Hummingbird_ or Adnarel or whatever the hell (s)he goes by now and say "Oh yes, They're an acquaintance", but it is wholly separate and a bit aleinating when someone like Ru'sala comes along and suddenly they're palling around like they're the best of friends. It's odd. Is there something about me, that small facet that makes it nearly impossible for me to retain (or indeed, create) any kind of real, lasting friendships in that kind of environment. Maybe it's just an age thing... which sucks. I didn't ask to be born when I did.
Or maybe, as an extension of that, the lack of close friends has created a lack of incentive to come. I mean, I have a boyfriend/mate now that I can gush to at nearly any time, and plenty of people to talk to on messenger when I need to be able to. I mean, I like discussions on forums, but sometimes, you can get MUCH more thinking done by just bouncing ideas between two people. And it isn't exactly like I feel welcomed or wanted in the community when I come back after a long absence, ask people to "let me know how y'all are doing" and only getting three replies. That sucks.
Or maybe I don't have the stamina. If you look back on things... there were times when I was pretty miserable back then. Perhaps it was the result of stretching myself too thin, of trying to cover a globe with a single egg of silly putty? When I get grounded off of the computer for bad grades, I lose it. I lose the knack. I mean, hell. That's the reason I left both OK.com, OKA, and OKP. I got back to a new and changed community...and I don't like that. At all.
Perhaps I've found enough to talk to by myself... but that's been very weird lately. I told you all about my MPD thing, right? Well, all of us are starting to get fuzzy almost all of the time. It's...not exactly a good feeling. It feels like we're losing each other, but gaining a single identity. Altogether... I don't like it. I liked being able to talk to myself, to be a devil's advocate, to argue nearly any point. It was wondrous, amazing, and enlightening. If you've talked to me a lot, you should know that I love experiencing things in new and different ways. The Raus allowed that, in heavenly ways that I'll never forget.
*laughs* and here I am, back to my usual antics of starting a journal with the intent of writing a paragraph or two... and ending up with an entire essay. It's been odd... I feel like my spiritual side has died, and my muse has left me. My life has lost the magic that so defined it at one point. Being a dragon is no longer a magical thing anymore, but something commonplace. mundane.
And maybe that's why I've lost the magic of it all.
What a poetic, and fittingly abrupt end.
~Silver
Perhaps it's the fact that I don't really have any personal connections to the other forumgoers. I mean, it's nice to be able to look at people like Glass or Hummingbird_ or Adnarel or whatever the hell (s)he goes by now and say "Oh yes, They're an acquaintance", but it is wholly separate and a bit aleinating when someone like Ru'sala comes along and suddenly they're palling around like they're the best of friends. It's odd. Is there something about me, that small facet that makes it nearly impossible for me to retain (or indeed, create) any kind of real, lasting friendships in that kind of environment. Maybe it's just an age thing... which sucks. I didn't ask to be born when I did.
Or maybe, as an extension of that, the lack of close friends has created a lack of incentive to come. I mean, I have a boyfriend/mate now that I can gush to at nearly any time, and plenty of people to talk to on messenger when I need to be able to. I mean, I like discussions on forums, but sometimes, you can get MUCH more thinking done by just bouncing ideas between two people. And it isn't exactly like I feel welcomed or wanted in the community when I come back after a long absence, ask people to "let me know how y'all are doing" and only getting three replies. That sucks.
Or maybe I don't have the stamina. If you look back on things... there were times when I was pretty miserable back then. Perhaps it was the result of stretching myself too thin, of trying to cover a globe with a single egg of silly putty? When I get grounded off of the computer for bad grades, I lose it. I lose the knack. I mean, hell. That's the reason I left both OK.com, OKA, and OKP. I got back to a new and changed community...and I don't like that. At all.
Perhaps I've found enough to talk to by myself... but that's been very weird lately. I told you all about my MPD thing, right? Well, all of us are starting to get fuzzy almost all of the time. It's...not exactly a good feeling. It feels like we're losing each other, but gaining a single identity. Altogether... I don't like it. I liked being able to talk to myself, to be a devil's advocate, to argue nearly any point. It was wondrous, amazing, and enlightening. If you've talked to me a lot, you should know that I love experiencing things in new and different ways. The Raus allowed that, in heavenly ways that I'll never forget.
*laughs* and here I am, back to my usual antics of starting a journal with the intent of writing a paragraph or two... and ending up with an entire essay. It's been odd... I feel like my spiritual side has died, and my muse has left me. My life has lost the magic that so defined it at one point. Being a dragon is no longer a magical thing anymore, but something commonplace. mundane.
And maybe that's why I've lost the magic of it all.
What a poetic, and fittingly abrupt end.
~Silver