How odd...
Am I just so curious?
Are these connections that I'm just noticing?
It's layers upon layers of complexity. People that I've contacted through completely separate methods... are almost best friends. People that I know as "celebrities" or people that are so incredibly well known that I'm just "one of the people" to them... suddenly they're connected to me by just one link in the "friend chain".
Why do I want to know so many people and talk to them? Is it just that I'm desperate for companionship? Is it that I admire their skills so much, and hope that I will learn something? Is it that I want to feel worthy by being somebody "known"?
It amazes me how I can be so good at so many things, and so horrible at the same time. I wish so much that I could make something... a song, a drawing, a story, thet's something gift-worthy, and something that does not give a feeling of "I didn't want to spend money on you, so I did something half-assed and gave that to you". I want to be able to have a skill to be proud of, a skill that I can say, "I can do this, and it is worthwhile." I hate my drawings. It takes too long to create something that an artist, on that you might say "has the knack", can overdo in an hour or two. You NaNoWriMites astound me! I could never channel so much skill into one thing. I would love to write a song, but I have no mind for music. I would love to draw, but I'm worthless at it.
Gosh durnit. It's so hard to even tell who I am anymore. I have no skill that I excel in, but I have so many skills that I am mediocre at. I am large, I contain multitudes. The different sides of me each want to do different things; each excels in it's own ideal, but even that is limited by my skill as a "group", or as a person altogether.
This is one hell of a pointless ramble.
Abrupt end
~Black Rau (With a bit of Red in the back)
Are these connections that I'm just noticing?
It's layers upon layers of complexity. People that I've contacted through completely separate methods... are almost best friends. People that I know as "celebrities" or people that are so incredibly well known that I'm just "one of the people" to them... suddenly they're connected to me by just one link in the "friend chain".
Why do I want to know so many people and talk to them? Is it just that I'm desperate for companionship? Is it that I admire their skills so much, and hope that I will learn something? Is it that I want to feel worthy by being somebody "known"?
It amazes me how I can be so good at so many things, and so horrible at the same time. I wish so much that I could make something... a song, a drawing, a story, thet's something gift-worthy, and something that does not give a feeling of "I didn't want to spend money on you, so I did something half-assed and gave that to you". I want to be able to have a skill to be proud of, a skill that I can say, "I can do this, and it is worthwhile." I hate my drawings. It takes too long to create something that an artist, on that you might say "has the knack", can overdo in an hour or two. You NaNoWriMites astound me! I could never channel so much skill into one thing. I would love to write a song, but I have no mind for music. I would love to draw, but I'm worthless at it.
Gosh durnit. It's so hard to even tell who I am anymore. I have no skill that I excel in, but I have so many skills that I am mediocre at. I am large, I contain multitudes. The different sides of me each want to do different things; each excels in it's own ideal, but even that is limited by my skill as a "group", or as a person altogether.
This is one hell of a pointless ramble.
Abrupt end
~Black Rau (With a bit of Red in the back)