Obsession 8/8
title: Obsession 8/8
author: jaaycakes
rating: PG
pairing: Jongho (Jonghyun/Minho) / not-so-ninja!onkey in this chapter
genre: Angst, Romance, Drama
summary: Jonghyun just couldn't take it anymore, and Minho's much too late.
warning: hinted character death, unless you read the alternate ending
a/n: Beware, this is going to be a long a/n. Even longer than my normal ones, lmfao. Okay, ready?!
I’M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO MUCH LONGER THAN USUAL! I sorta lost my inspiration for this. I knew what the ending was going to be, and I knew this was going to be the last chapter, I just didn’t know what to put in the beginning and middle of the chapter xP And I finally sucked it up and decided to give it a try now. So yeah. But anyways...
This is angst, I told you this many times since the beginning. This ending has been the original ending I planned out since the beginning. So, please don’t kill me for writing such an angsty ending right after Minho’s bday (happy belated, bb ~) and during the holiday season xD BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! In case you can’t handle this ending (cause I know some people don’t like character death, oops spoiled the ending already), I wrote an alternate ending to live up to everyone’s fluffy wishes (including mine). You’ll find the alternate ending somewhere in the fic right before the original ending I’ll include a link to the alternate ending cut, so yeah. Because the parts leading up to the endings will be the same, it’s just that the endings are different.. obviously xD So yeah, enjoy it!
(P.S. tbh, though, I don’t think the alternate ending will have as much impact as the original ending, and actually it wouldn’t make sense with the context of how the rest of the story was written/based on. But it’s all good, who cares if it makes sense as long as it’s a fluffy jongho ending!?! <3)
-
In the weeks following Minho asking Jonghyun for his outrageous favor, Jonghyun tried his best to continue life without thinking about the tall alien that broke his heart. He continued meeting up with Jinki, even outside of their psychotherapy meeting times, and sometimes (if sometimes means almost every single time) Kibum tagged along. Much to Jonghyun’s surprise, Key and Jinki hit it off right away. Never did Jonghyun imagine that the awkward, softy, clumsy Lee Jinki would ever fall head over heels for the snarky, nagging, diva-like Key. In fact their first meeting was such a mess (at first) that Jonghyun found it really strange that they both ended up falling for each other.
It was only a couple days after Jonghyun accepted Minho’s ‘offer’, and he was still a crying mess. For what seemed like the first time in a long time, Key was there to comfort Jonghyun with a large bucket of chocolate ice cream and a karaoke machine filled with all of his favorite ballads and more. Jonghyun was taken by surprise by Key’s visit, though, because he never told the younger boy to come over, or that he was even depressed about anything. When he asked what he was doing there, the younger simply replied with a scoff and a roll of his eyes. With that, Jonghyun already knew the answer, and he remembered why the two of them were best friends in the first place - they knew everything about each other and could simply sense when the other was in any sort of trouble. That thought alone put a small smile on his face, but when the thought of Minho crept into his mind again, his lips fell into a flat line once again.
“Jjong, I can’t say I know what you’re going through right now, but I know that it’s my duty as your best friend to distract you from the tall alien freak that we won’t name anymore from here on out, okay? So right now we are going to either stuff our faces with this big bucket of ice cream while watching some extremely corny drama, or we can sing our hearts out. Normally, I’d pick, but since this is for your comfort, you pick,” Key ordered, trying his best to seem caring, but came off as annoyed and irritated instead. Either way, Jonghyun knew the intention behind his words and again, it brought a smile to his face, so he just nodded and pointed to the ice cream. He would have picked the karaoke machine so that he could sing a dozen and more heartbreak songs, but his voice was just not up for it.
“Okay, corny drama and chocolate ice cream it is. I brought a couple DVD’s over there, so just pick one while I get some spoons,” Key ordered, once again, pointing to a stack of DVD’s sitting by the front door. Jonghyun kneeled down directly in front of the front door, going through all of the DVD’s of dramas they had both already watched (and made fun of) before. Just imagining them mocking the scenes like they used to made Jonghyun laugh softly to himself. Looking at each drama after drama, he reminisced about the days when he and Kibum would pretend to be Jandi and Junpyo, or Minyu and Taekyung, or Kaein (which Jonghyun found somewhat ironic now) and Jinho. His smile continuously widened, until the front door suddenly opened, smacking him right on the head.
Jonghyun let out a slight yell of pain, immediately bringing his hand up to his head to rub the now-throbbing spot. And just like the umma he was, Key ran out of the kitchen with a worried expression on his face, “Yah! What happened? You scared the hell out o-”
Before Jonghyun could stop to wonder why Key had suddenly stopped mid sentence, he looked up to find Jinki standing there (with a new haircut that - in his opinion - made him look much more handsome than before) with a flustered look on his face.
“Oh, sh-... I’m so sorry Jjong! Are you okay? I- I.. I didn’t m-mean to do that,” Jinki apologized, quite awkwardly, while he hesitantly kneeled down to help Jonghyun up. But before Jinki could even get down to help him up, Key was beside Jonghyun in a flash, not thinking twice about swatting Jinki’s arm away.
“What do you think you’re doing? You just hurt his head, and you think I’m going to let you touch him again?! Aish, really.. Who are you anyways?” Key asked, too busy looking up at Jinki to notice that he was tugging on Jonghyun roughly to help him up.
“Key, let go of me, I can get up myself without all the pain you’re forcing on my arm right now... And that’s Jinki, the psychotherapist I told you about,” Jonghyun murmured, still slightly audibly, before yanking his arm away from Key’s loosening grip.
As Jonghyun got up, Kibum’s laughter (accompanied with his usual let-me-borrow-your-shoulder-to-laugh) surprised him, “What are you laughing about?”
“This? This guy is Jinki? He is handsome, I’ll give you that. But the last thing I would describe him as, is cool.”
“Hey, I’m right here you know.”
“Yeah, yeah I know... I just found that out, lately, that he’s.. well, he’s a clumsy dork really. He’s different outside of his office, but hey, that’s dubu for you. Right, Jinki?” Jonghyun chuckled, ignoring Jinki’s previous comment and slinging his arm around him. He didn’t seem to be bothered at all by Jonghyun’s comment, because Jinki knew himself that he was everything Jonghyun said and more.
“Right. But hey, did you both just call me handsome?” Jinki questioned jokingly while wiggling his eyebrows, earning him two soft (although one was much harder than the other) punches on the arm.
“Hey, I’m not the one who said it, you two did!” Jinki laughed slightly, unsure if he should introduce himself to the really good-looking (in a strange feminine yet manly way) stranger standing in front of him. Without mulling over it for over one second, the oldest decided to introduce himself, “Anyways.. I’m Lee Jinki.”
He had, obviously and understandably, expected a returned introduction from the other man, but instead he received a quite offending scoff, and a view of the man’s back walking back to the kitchen.
“Rude,” Jinki muttered under his breath, but loud enough for Jonghyun to hear. Jonghyun laughed slightly and gave a reassuring pat on Jinki’s back, “Hey, don’t worry about Kibum. He’s my best friend, I don’t know how I’ve tolerated his diva like attitude all these years, but when you get used to his nagging and such... Well, I’d like to say it gets better, but it really doesn’t.”
“Yah! Kim Jonghyun, I heard that!”
“You see what I mean?” Jonghyun smirked, leading Jinki over to the couch before continuing, “no, but really, he’s a great guy, promise.”
And that started the weird relationship. Hours of bickering over who should end up with who in the drama, who should get the last scoop of ice cream, and what song to sing later, Jonghyun found Jinki and Key kissing on his couch when he came back from the bathroom. The fact that they had argued and disagreed on everything all night long wasn’t the only surprising factor for Jonghyun. In fact that was the least surprising factor. The most surprising one was Jinki. He never would have guessed that he was, well, gay. It didn’t bother him, of course, it just took him by surprise.
Putting his surprise, and slight disgust at watching them getting increasingly intense, aside, Jonghyun decided not to interrupt the two. Just because his heart was recently broken, didn’t mean he had to ruin love for others. And now that he thought about it, these two seemed perfect for each other. Despite Jinki being... well Jinki, he figured he was the only man that was good enough to handle Key in all his glory.
Silently, Jonghyun slowly backed out of the living room, heading down his hallway to his cold, dark room. He hadn’t gone in there for more than five minutes in the past couple weeks. It was filled with too many memories of Minho, so he decided to camp out on the couch whenever it was even possible for him to fall asleep. Now, though, there was no where else to go other than his room, and he had to face it some time. Better sooner than later.
He sneaked into his room quietly, as if he had just broken curfew, before shutting the door just as quietly as he opened it. Back against the closed door, Jonghyun stared at his room, memories suddenly flooding him.
The bed.
“Saeng il chuk ha ham ni da, saeng il chuk ha ham ni da, saeng il chuk ha neun Jonghyun hyung, saeng il chuk ha ham ni da!”
“Yah... Do you know what time it is, Minho?”
“Actually, hyung, I do. It’s 10 am on your birthday, so get up, pabo, we’re spending your birthday outside of these walls.”
Jonghyun had a different idea, though, offering his hand out to the younger male towering over him, “Mm, no.. It’s my birthday, so how about we spend it in here first, baby?”
Minho smirked, taking his hand and allowing himself to be pulled into the warmth of Jonghyun’s body heat and blankets combined. “Whatever you want, it’s your day,” he murmured, burying his face into Jonghyun’s warm neck, slowly starting to leave a trail of kisses leading up to his lips.
“I love you, Minho-ah...” Jonghyun managed to mumble before he caught Minho’s lips with his.
The bookshelf.
Jonghyun imagined himself coming home from work, resting on his bed, calling up Minho, and having their weekly night walk that day. But instead he came home from work and found a tall and handsome man drilling holes into his bedroom wall.
“Ah, Intruder! What are you doing to my wall!” Jonghyun joked, quickly getting behind Minho and hugging him from the back (despite the awkward height difference that made Jonghyun have to peek his head out from the side).
“Building a book shelf, we’re going to fill it up with all my favorite books that I swear I will force you to read,” Minho answered with a smile, continuing to drill the last nail into the wall.
“And the finishing touch...” Minho placed the block of wood on top of the brackets and stared at the simple, single bookshelf with an accomplished smile. “There. Done. Now all we have to do is fill it with books,” Minho rambled, staying in place, swaying him and Jonghyun side to side slowly.
Jonghyun turned the taller male around, their foreheads immediately touching when Minho looked down at him with his winning smile (which melted Jonghyun every single time).
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Jonghyun teased, purposely eyeing the bed and slowly inching towards it.
“Of course..” Minho answered softly, playing along, nearly pushing Jonghyun onto the bed. But before Jonghyun could fully lay on the bed, Minho pulled him back up towards the door, claiming excitedly “Let’s go to the book store!”
The big white teddy bear.
“Why does it feel like we’re in some cheesy romantic novel or movie?” Jonghyun laughed as they walked through the carnival area, inhaling the smell of churro’s, nachos, popcorn, hot dogs, and cotton candy all combined.
“Oh, look at that big teddy bear, Minho!”
Minho laughed slightly, slipping his hand into his pocket before Jonghyun linked his arm with his, making their way towards the booth Jonghyun had excitedly pointed at.
“Five kicks for two tickets! If you kick all five in, you can win the big prize! If you kick in three, you get a small prize! If you kick in none, then I’m sorry!” The young boy running the booth shouted (repeating himself over and over again until someone - in this case Minho - finally came over). “Ah you there, so how about it? You gonna win the big bear for your.. girlfriend over there?” The man laughed slightly, although not in a condescending way.
“Yah, why am I always the girl in this relationship?” Jonghyun asked, feigning offense towards the previous comment (to which Minho laughed a bit too much at).
“Because you just are, baby.”
Five soccer kicks later, and Jonghyun was stuck carrying the large bear around for the rest of the night. “I hate you for making me carrying this around all night, Minho-ah.”
“Hey, you wanted it,” Minho smiled, wrapping his arm around Jonghyun’s waist.
And just the whole room in general brought back one too many memories about Minho. After one whole night of basically completely forgetting his assistance, thanks to Kibum and Jinki, just two seconds of seeing his room made him break down on his bed once again.
Apparently his sudden sobs were loud enough, because in just a few seconds, Kibum and Jinki entered the room, their hair complete messes. They both looked at each other knowingly and made themselves comfortable beside Jonghyun, one on either side of him, their hands patting and rubbing his back. “Jjong.. It’s okay. He’s not worth your tears. He’s a jerk, just be glad that you got rid of him,” Kibum murmured softly, enveloping Jonghyun in a warm hug.
The rest of the night was spent with Kibum and Jinki trying to calm the cry baby down, like umma and appa (respectively). And although Jonghyun wanted so badly to agree with Kibum, he just couldn’t. He knew that what he and Minho had was real. He just knew Minho didn’t do it to simply play with his heart. Jonghyun had felt the love that he knew Minho had for him. And he just couldn’t accept that Minho had told him it was all a lie. Because he knew it wasn’t.
-
I know I was out of line asking Jonghyun to be my best man. I know I probably shouldn’t have done that to him. Like all times in the past, I was selfish, and I think I will always be selfish... But he accepted. He didn’t have to. I would have been completely understanding if he said no. But wait, no. I shouldn’t even put any blame on him at all. It was all my fault that he was that depressed. I know it was.
To be completely fair, though, and to save my image a little, considering you saw the damage I did to him, I was also pretty damn depressed during those weeks as well. Every time I was with Kaein, I couldn’t focus on her, I couldn’t look her in the eye and tell her I love her. I couldn’t even smile sincerely, I couldn’t laugh fully, I wasn’t myself to put it simply. The more days that passed, the more I realized I was head over heels in love with Kim Jonghyun, and that I had made a huge mistake letting my dad get to me and get into this marriage with a girl I was no longer in love with. But it was too late to back out, and I still continued letting my dad influence the way I lived my life.
It took around a month or two, I don’t know because I stopped keeping track of the days, to finish the wedding preparations. Everything went by too fast for my taste, but my parents, and hers, wanted to wedding to be as soon as possible. So they decided to perfect and prepare everything as quickly as they could.
I had little to no say in anything, other than Jonghyun being my best man, but it wasn’t as if I really minded. I was still stuck in depression. I know Kaein noticed it. And I’m sure she knew the reason as well, but I think she honestly still loved me regardless, so she decided not to ever bring it up, in order to keep me as her own.
I think she was on edge every day, wondering if I would ever snap and finally decide to call the wedding off and run to apologize to Jonghyun. Or maybe I just think that because I did often think about doing that. But I couldn’t do that to her. Not after everything else I had done to her. Maybe I should have, though. Everything would have been different.
But anyways, a week before the wedding itself, I had to finally meet up with Jonghyun to talk about some details about the wedding. The only other times I talked to him before that was on the phone, and it was about minor details about the wedding, when it was, etcetera. But this time, I needed to show him where the wedding was going to be held, what he needed to do, and a lot more. Basically, it absolutely needed to be in person.
For whatever reason, I was nervous to see him. Almost as if I had butterflies in my stomach, the butterflies I should have had whenever I saw Kaein and thought about living the rest of my life with her. But these feelings only came up when simply thinking about Jonghyun, and the feeling seemed to have tripled when I saw Jonghyun walk out of the fitting room in a tux.
“So, uh. How do I look?” He asked, looking down at his outfit and fixing his tie.
“You look amazing, ba-,” I almost slipped out unconsciously, before fixing my near-mistake, “I mean, uh, hyung. Probably better than how I look in my own tux.”
“Probably,” Jonghyun smirked, and it was the first almost-smile and laugh I had seen and heard from him in a long while. But the moment passed just as quickly as it came, probably because he remembered why we both needed tux’s in the first place.
“Yeah...” I answered with a short chuckle, looking down at my hands before offering something I’d been meaning to offer. “Look, Jjong.. I... I mean you.. You don’t have to do this, if you don’t want to. I can always ask my brother to be my best man,” I spat out quickly, a bit nervous about how he would take it.
“Yah, Minho-ah, I think I can handle this. What kind of boyfr-... What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t stand there next to you in this tux, watching you get married?” He answered softly, looking at himself in the mirror, fixing his tie to avoid making eye contact with me.
That was a lie. I knew that was a lie. It was so blatantly obvious that he couldn’t handle it. But being me, I just nodded and we continued talking details, ignoring the topic that used to be ‘us’.
And that was the last time I saw him before the wedding day.
-
“You’re a dumbass, you know that Jjong?” Kibum scolded, fixing Jonghyun’s tie with much more force than required.
“Kim Kibum, do you know how much you’re hurting me right now?!”
“Not any more than you’re hurting yourself by going through with this, pabo. He offered you to drop out of being his best man. He offered an opportunity so that you didn’t have to suffer through watching him marry off to someone else. Maybe he isn’t as stupid as I thought he was,” Kibum muttered, smoothing out every insignificant detail in Jonghyun’s tux.
“You know what, can you just leave, please? I can handle this myself, damnit. Just.. go,” Jonghyun pushed the arguing Kibum out of the dressing room, slamming the door shut once he was out.
“Whatever, Jonghyun! If you break down in front of everyone, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Aish, really, this man...” Jonghyun heard Kibum yell, his voice trailing off along with his footsteps. He knew he was right, that he would suddenly break into tears the moment the wedding song would play on the piano. But here he was, just hours before the wedding, getting ready to watch his love be officially, completely off limits.
With a sigh, he slumped down in the empty chair, staring at himself in the long mirror in front of him, “Jonghyun.. can you really do this? Can you really continue living after this?”
Groaning, he slapped his hand on top of his eyes, slowly bringing it down to cover his mouth. He closed his eyes, throwing his head up, and murmured into his hand, “I don’t think I can...”
-
“Hey, where’s Jonghyun? I need to tell him something,” I asked Kaein, even though everyone and their moms protested, because I wasn’t ‘supposed to see the bride before the wedding’. But that didn’t even matter anymore.
“Is it over, Minho? Are you finally going to break off this wedding, after weeks of preparation? Are you finally realizing that your love for Jonghyun is strong enough to defy your parents, now? Now that we wasted all this time and money? Really, Minho? Really?” Kaein asked, choking on some of her words, her head down, not bothering to look up at me, because she was probably afraid that her makeup was now running.
There was no use denying it. She hit the nail on the head, or whatever that saying is. So all I could muster up to say was, “Yeah.”
“He said he was going to the place where his heart was broken, such a cheesy overdramatic man. I guess that’s why you love him, you’re a sucker for that type of thing..” She answered, wiping away her tears before turning to face me. “So go get him, Minho. Good luck...”
“Kaein...” I started, walking towards her, ready to hold her in a tight embrace while muttering one thousand apologies.
“No, Minho. Just go, okay? Show him how lucky he is that you picked him, just go. Show him the love you’ve been holding in day after day. He needs it more than I do,” And that just reminded me exactly why I had originally fell in love with her in the first place. She was understanding, she was smart, she thought of others first, she was Kaein. But that love faded and completely transferred to Jonghyun. I tried, in that moment, to look deep into her eyes and reignite the fire that was between us back that. But all I could think about was Jonghyun.
“I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to you, okay? You and your future husbands wedding will be completely planned out and payed for by me, I promise. Thanks, Kaein, really,” I replied quickly, ran out the door, out the church, and towards your office.
-
CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE ALTERNATE ENDING! OR CONTINUE READING FOR THE ORIGINAL ENDING!
-
Dear Minho,
You were right. I couldn’t handle watching you marry Kaein, and kiss her, and hear the priest pronounce you man and wife. But that’s not the only thing I couldn’t handle, so your offer of not being best man wouldn’t have helped me in the long run anyways. Because I can’t, or well couldn’t, handle living without your sweet kisses, your soft “I love you’s”, your teasing, your big bear hugs, your presence in general. I couldn’t live without you being mine, and me being yours. I couldn’t live without being the girlfriend in the relationship, I couldn’t live without our relationship period.
To be completely honest, I don’t know how I survived this long, knowing that you were eventually going to be married to Kaein, the love of your life. I think it was seeing Kaein looking beautiful in that elegant white wedding dress that pushed me over the edge. I think it was seeing how much love oozed out of her while she gushed about you in the dress. I think that’s when I realized “Oh, this is real. Kaein really loves him, he really loves her.”
I think it’s good that I realized it, finally. Because now I don’t have to watch you kiss her passionately, the way I swear you used to kiss me. Because now I don’t have to watch you raise a family with her happily. Because now I’m saving myself from living a life of misery, drowning myself in chocolate ice cream and noraebang with Kibum every day.
So don’t feel bad about this, because I know you Minho, and I know you’ll feel bad about this. But don’t, because actually I think this is somehow a good thing that I’m not going to be here to witness any of this anymore.
I promise you, I’m in a better place now, without all of this suffering. And maybe I’ll see you in the future, when you join me. Maybe then, I’ll finally be over you. But for now, I still love you, Minho. And actually, I think I might always love you, no matter where I am. You’re a hard person to forget, to get over, to not love. But anyway, I guess I should go now. When you get this letter, I hope you and Kaein are starting off with a great married life. Don’t let this get you down. I love you Minho, and I hope you enjoy the rest of your life.
Again, I love you. Forever.
Love, Jonghyun.
-
“Wait... No.. You can’t.. He didn’t.. Please, fucking please, Jinki, tell me he didn’t.. He couldn’t have... Fuck! He... This is all... I...” And that was all I could say before breaking down in front of you, grabbing tightly onto your clothes before falling on my knees.
I couldn’t breathe, and I appreciate you holding me until I stopped. I appreciate you mumbling short “It’s going to be okay”, even though they were complete lies. I appreciate you being there for me, and suggesting we go through this whole process, because I do believe that if you weren’t there to help me, I would have gone the same path that Jonghyun went.
But I didn’t, although I thoroughly considered it day after day, just so that I could see him again, even though it wouldn’t be physically. And it’s all thanks to you. Thanks, Jinki, for letting me read his journal that he wrote whenever he met up with you. Thanks, Jinki, for letting me talk everything out with you. I still am completely heartbroken, and I’m still not over Jonghyun, and just like him, I don’t think I’ll ever get over Jonghyun. But I think talking about all of this helped me a lot. So, thanks.
I hope you enjoy your marriage with Kibum, by the way. Please tell him not to hate me so much? And even though this might not even help, tell him that I love Jonghyun, I always have, and that I always will.
-
a/n: Feel free to punch me now if you read the original ending. For anyone interested, here's the extended authors note!
author: jaaycakes
rating: PG
pairing: Jongho (Jonghyun/Minho) / not-so-ninja!onkey in this chapter
genre: Angst, Romance, Drama
summary: Jonghyun just couldn't take it anymore, and Minho's much too late.
warning: hinted character death, unless you read the alternate ending
a/n: Beware, this is going to be a long a/n. Even longer than my normal ones, lmfao. Okay, ready?!
I’M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO MUCH LONGER THAN USUAL! I sorta lost my inspiration for this. I knew what the ending was going to be, and I knew this was going to be the last chapter, I just didn’t know what to put in the beginning and middle of the chapter xP And I finally sucked it up and decided to give it a try now. So yeah. But anyways...
This is angst, I told you this many times since the beginning. This ending has been the original ending I planned out since the beginning. So, please don’t kill me for writing such an angsty ending right after Minho’s bday (happy belated, bb ~) and during the holiday season xD BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! In case you can’t handle this ending (cause I know some people don’t like character death, oops spoiled the ending already), I wrote an alternate ending to live up to everyone’s fluffy wishes (including mine). You’ll find the alternate ending somewhere in the fic right before the original ending I’ll include a link to the alternate ending cut, so yeah. Because the parts leading up to the endings will be the same, it’s just that the endings are different.. obviously xD So yeah, enjoy it!
(P.S. tbh, though, I don’t think the alternate ending will have as much impact as the original ending, and actually it wouldn’t make sense with the context of how the rest of the story was written/based on. But it’s all good, who cares if it makes sense as long as it’s a fluffy jongho ending!?! <3)
-
In the weeks following Minho asking Jonghyun for his outrageous favor, Jonghyun tried his best to continue life without thinking about the tall alien that broke his heart. He continued meeting up with Jinki, even outside of their psychotherapy meeting times, and sometimes (if sometimes means almost every single time) Kibum tagged along. Much to Jonghyun’s surprise, Key and Jinki hit it off right away. Never did Jonghyun imagine that the awkward, softy, clumsy Lee Jinki would ever fall head over heels for the snarky, nagging, diva-like Key. In fact their first meeting was such a mess (at first) that Jonghyun found it really strange that they both ended up falling for each other.
It was only a couple days after Jonghyun accepted Minho’s ‘offer’, and he was still a crying mess. For what seemed like the first time in a long time, Key was there to comfort Jonghyun with a large bucket of chocolate ice cream and a karaoke machine filled with all of his favorite ballads and more. Jonghyun was taken by surprise by Key’s visit, though, because he never told the younger boy to come over, or that he was even depressed about anything. When he asked what he was doing there, the younger simply replied with a scoff and a roll of his eyes. With that, Jonghyun already knew the answer, and he remembered why the two of them were best friends in the first place - they knew everything about each other and could simply sense when the other was in any sort of trouble. That thought alone put a small smile on his face, but when the thought of Minho crept into his mind again, his lips fell into a flat line once again.
“Jjong, I can’t say I know what you’re going through right now, but I know that it’s my duty as your best friend to distract you from the tall alien freak that we won’t name anymore from here on out, okay? So right now we are going to either stuff our faces with this big bucket of ice cream while watching some extremely corny drama, or we can sing our hearts out. Normally, I’d pick, but since this is for your comfort, you pick,” Key ordered, trying his best to seem caring, but came off as annoyed and irritated instead. Either way, Jonghyun knew the intention behind his words and again, it brought a smile to his face, so he just nodded and pointed to the ice cream. He would have picked the karaoke machine so that he could sing a dozen and more heartbreak songs, but his voice was just not up for it.
“Okay, corny drama and chocolate ice cream it is. I brought a couple DVD’s over there, so just pick one while I get some spoons,” Key ordered, once again, pointing to a stack of DVD’s sitting by the front door. Jonghyun kneeled down directly in front of the front door, going through all of the DVD’s of dramas they had both already watched (and made fun of) before. Just imagining them mocking the scenes like they used to made Jonghyun laugh softly to himself. Looking at each drama after drama, he reminisced about the days when he and Kibum would pretend to be Jandi and Junpyo, or Minyu and Taekyung, or Kaein (which Jonghyun found somewhat ironic now) and Jinho. His smile continuously widened, until the front door suddenly opened, smacking him right on the head.
Jonghyun let out a slight yell of pain, immediately bringing his hand up to his head to rub the now-throbbing spot. And just like the umma he was, Key ran out of the kitchen with a worried expression on his face, “Yah! What happened? You scared the hell out o-”
Before Jonghyun could stop to wonder why Key had suddenly stopped mid sentence, he looked up to find Jinki standing there (with a new haircut that - in his opinion - made him look much more handsome than before) with a flustered look on his face.
“Oh, sh-... I’m so sorry Jjong! Are you okay? I- I.. I didn’t m-mean to do that,” Jinki apologized, quite awkwardly, while he hesitantly kneeled down to help Jonghyun up. But before Jinki could even get down to help him up, Key was beside Jonghyun in a flash, not thinking twice about swatting Jinki’s arm away.
“What do you think you’re doing? You just hurt his head, and you think I’m going to let you touch him again?! Aish, really.. Who are you anyways?” Key asked, too busy looking up at Jinki to notice that he was tugging on Jonghyun roughly to help him up.
“Key, let go of me, I can get up myself without all the pain you’re forcing on my arm right now... And that’s Jinki, the psychotherapist I told you about,” Jonghyun murmured, still slightly audibly, before yanking his arm away from Key’s loosening grip.
As Jonghyun got up, Kibum’s laughter (accompanied with his usual let-me-borrow-your-shoulder-to-laugh) surprised him, “What are you laughing about?”
“This? This guy is Jinki? He is handsome, I’ll give you that. But the last thing I would describe him as, is cool.”
“Hey, I’m right here you know.”
“Yeah, yeah I know... I just found that out, lately, that he’s.. well, he’s a clumsy dork really. He’s different outside of his office, but hey, that’s dubu for you. Right, Jinki?” Jonghyun chuckled, ignoring Jinki’s previous comment and slinging his arm around him. He didn’t seem to be bothered at all by Jonghyun’s comment, because Jinki knew himself that he was everything Jonghyun said and more.
“Right. But hey, did you both just call me handsome?” Jinki questioned jokingly while wiggling his eyebrows, earning him two soft (although one was much harder than the other) punches on the arm.
“Hey, I’m not the one who said it, you two did!” Jinki laughed slightly, unsure if he should introduce himself to the really good-looking (in a strange feminine yet manly way) stranger standing in front of him. Without mulling over it for over one second, the oldest decided to introduce himself, “Anyways.. I’m Lee Jinki.”
He had, obviously and understandably, expected a returned introduction from the other man, but instead he received a quite offending scoff, and a view of the man’s back walking back to the kitchen.
“Rude,” Jinki muttered under his breath, but loud enough for Jonghyun to hear. Jonghyun laughed slightly and gave a reassuring pat on Jinki’s back, “Hey, don’t worry about Kibum. He’s my best friend, I don’t know how I’ve tolerated his diva like attitude all these years, but when you get used to his nagging and such... Well, I’d like to say it gets better, but it really doesn’t.”
“Yah! Kim Jonghyun, I heard that!”
“You see what I mean?” Jonghyun smirked, leading Jinki over to the couch before continuing, “no, but really, he’s a great guy, promise.”
And that started the weird relationship. Hours of bickering over who should end up with who in the drama, who should get the last scoop of ice cream, and what song to sing later, Jonghyun found Jinki and Key kissing on his couch when he came back from the bathroom. The fact that they had argued and disagreed on everything all night long wasn’t the only surprising factor for Jonghyun. In fact that was the least surprising factor. The most surprising one was Jinki. He never would have guessed that he was, well, gay. It didn’t bother him, of course, it just took him by surprise.
Putting his surprise, and slight disgust at watching them getting increasingly intense, aside, Jonghyun decided not to interrupt the two. Just because his heart was recently broken, didn’t mean he had to ruin love for others. And now that he thought about it, these two seemed perfect for each other. Despite Jinki being... well Jinki, he figured he was the only man that was good enough to handle Key in all his glory.
Silently, Jonghyun slowly backed out of the living room, heading down his hallway to his cold, dark room. He hadn’t gone in there for more than five minutes in the past couple weeks. It was filled with too many memories of Minho, so he decided to camp out on the couch whenever it was even possible for him to fall asleep. Now, though, there was no where else to go other than his room, and he had to face it some time. Better sooner than later.
He sneaked into his room quietly, as if he had just broken curfew, before shutting the door just as quietly as he opened it. Back against the closed door, Jonghyun stared at his room, memories suddenly flooding him.
The bed.
“Saeng il chuk ha ham ni da, saeng il chuk ha ham ni da, saeng il chuk ha neun Jonghyun hyung, saeng il chuk ha ham ni da!”
“Yah... Do you know what time it is, Minho?”
“Actually, hyung, I do. It’s 10 am on your birthday, so get up, pabo, we’re spending your birthday outside of these walls.”
Jonghyun had a different idea, though, offering his hand out to the younger male towering over him, “Mm, no.. It’s my birthday, so how about we spend it in here first, baby?”
Minho smirked, taking his hand and allowing himself to be pulled into the warmth of Jonghyun’s body heat and blankets combined. “Whatever you want, it’s your day,” he murmured, burying his face into Jonghyun’s warm neck, slowly starting to leave a trail of kisses leading up to his lips.
“I love you, Minho-ah...” Jonghyun managed to mumble before he caught Minho’s lips with his.
The bookshelf.
Jonghyun imagined himself coming home from work, resting on his bed, calling up Minho, and having their weekly night walk that day. But instead he came home from work and found a tall and handsome man drilling holes into his bedroom wall.
“Ah, Intruder! What are you doing to my wall!” Jonghyun joked, quickly getting behind Minho and hugging him from the back (despite the awkward height difference that made Jonghyun have to peek his head out from the side).
“Building a book shelf, we’re going to fill it up with all my favorite books that I swear I will force you to read,” Minho answered with a smile, continuing to drill the last nail into the wall.
“And the finishing touch...” Minho placed the block of wood on top of the brackets and stared at the simple, single bookshelf with an accomplished smile. “There. Done. Now all we have to do is fill it with books,” Minho rambled, staying in place, swaying him and Jonghyun side to side slowly.
Jonghyun turned the taller male around, their foreheads immediately touching when Minho looked down at him with his winning smile (which melted Jonghyun every single time).
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Jonghyun teased, purposely eyeing the bed and slowly inching towards it.
“Of course..” Minho answered softly, playing along, nearly pushing Jonghyun onto the bed. But before Jonghyun could fully lay on the bed, Minho pulled him back up towards the door, claiming excitedly “Let’s go to the book store!”
The big white teddy bear.
“Why does it feel like we’re in some cheesy romantic novel or movie?” Jonghyun laughed as they walked through the carnival area, inhaling the smell of churro’s, nachos, popcorn, hot dogs, and cotton candy all combined.
“Oh, look at that big teddy bear, Minho!”
Minho laughed slightly, slipping his hand into his pocket before Jonghyun linked his arm with his, making their way towards the booth Jonghyun had excitedly pointed at.
“Five kicks for two tickets! If you kick all five in, you can win the big prize! If you kick in three, you get a small prize! If you kick in none, then I’m sorry!” The young boy running the booth shouted (repeating himself over and over again until someone - in this case Minho - finally came over). “Ah you there, so how about it? You gonna win the big bear for your.. girlfriend over there?” The man laughed slightly, although not in a condescending way.
“Yah, why am I always the girl in this relationship?” Jonghyun asked, feigning offense towards the previous comment (to which Minho laughed a bit too much at).
“Because you just are, baby.”
Five soccer kicks later, and Jonghyun was stuck carrying the large bear around for the rest of the night. “I hate you for making me carrying this around all night, Minho-ah.”
“Hey, you wanted it,” Minho smiled, wrapping his arm around Jonghyun’s waist.
And just the whole room in general brought back one too many memories about Minho. After one whole night of basically completely forgetting his assistance, thanks to Kibum and Jinki, just two seconds of seeing his room made him break down on his bed once again.
Apparently his sudden sobs were loud enough, because in just a few seconds, Kibum and Jinki entered the room, their hair complete messes. They both looked at each other knowingly and made themselves comfortable beside Jonghyun, one on either side of him, their hands patting and rubbing his back. “Jjong.. It’s okay. He’s not worth your tears. He’s a jerk, just be glad that you got rid of him,” Kibum murmured softly, enveloping Jonghyun in a warm hug.
The rest of the night was spent with Kibum and Jinki trying to calm the cry baby down, like umma and appa (respectively). And although Jonghyun wanted so badly to agree with Kibum, he just couldn’t. He knew that what he and Minho had was real. He just knew Minho didn’t do it to simply play with his heart. Jonghyun had felt the love that he knew Minho had for him. And he just couldn’t accept that Minho had told him it was all a lie. Because he knew it wasn’t.
-
I know I was out of line asking Jonghyun to be my best man. I know I probably shouldn’t have done that to him. Like all times in the past, I was selfish, and I think I will always be selfish... But he accepted. He didn’t have to. I would have been completely understanding if he said no. But wait, no. I shouldn’t even put any blame on him at all. It was all my fault that he was that depressed. I know it was.
To be completely fair, though, and to save my image a little, considering you saw the damage I did to him, I was also pretty damn depressed during those weeks as well. Every time I was with Kaein, I couldn’t focus on her, I couldn’t look her in the eye and tell her I love her. I couldn’t even smile sincerely, I couldn’t laugh fully, I wasn’t myself to put it simply. The more days that passed, the more I realized I was head over heels in love with Kim Jonghyun, and that I had made a huge mistake letting my dad get to me and get into this marriage with a girl I was no longer in love with. But it was too late to back out, and I still continued letting my dad influence the way I lived my life.
It took around a month or two, I don’t know because I stopped keeping track of the days, to finish the wedding preparations. Everything went by too fast for my taste, but my parents, and hers, wanted to wedding to be as soon as possible. So they decided to perfect and prepare everything as quickly as they could.
I had little to no say in anything, other than Jonghyun being my best man, but it wasn’t as if I really minded. I was still stuck in depression. I know Kaein noticed it. And I’m sure she knew the reason as well, but I think she honestly still loved me regardless, so she decided not to ever bring it up, in order to keep me as her own.
I think she was on edge every day, wondering if I would ever snap and finally decide to call the wedding off and run to apologize to Jonghyun. Or maybe I just think that because I did often think about doing that. But I couldn’t do that to her. Not after everything else I had done to her. Maybe I should have, though. Everything would have been different.
But anyways, a week before the wedding itself, I had to finally meet up with Jonghyun to talk about some details about the wedding. The only other times I talked to him before that was on the phone, and it was about minor details about the wedding, when it was, etcetera. But this time, I needed to show him where the wedding was going to be held, what he needed to do, and a lot more. Basically, it absolutely needed to be in person.
For whatever reason, I was nervous to see him. Almost as if I had butterflies in my stomach, the butterflies I should have had whenever I saw Kaein and thought about living the rest of my life with her. But these feelings only came up when simply thinking about Jonghyun, and the feeling seemed to have tripled when I saw Jonghyun walk out of the fitting room in a tux.
“So, uh. How do I look?” He asked, looking down at his outfit and fixing his tie.
“You look amazing, ba-,” I almost slipped out unconsciously, before fixing my near-mistake, “I mean, uh, hyung. Probably better than how I look in my own tux.”
“Probably,” Jonghyun smirked, and it was the first almost-smile and laugh I had seen and heard from him in a long while. But the moment passed just as quickly as it came, probably because he remembered why we both needed tux’s in the first place.
“Yeah...” I answered with a short chuckle, looking down at my hands before offering something I’d been meaning to offer. “Look, Jjong.. I... I mean you.. You don’t have to do this, if you don’t want to. I can always ask my brother to be my best man,” I spat out quickly, a bit nervous about how he would take it.
“Yah, Minho-ah, I think I can handle this. What kind of boyfr-... What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t stand there next to you in this tux, watching you get married?” He answered softly, looking at himself in the mirror, fixing his tie to avoid making eye contact with me.
That was a lie. I knew that was a lie. It was so blatantly obvious that he couldn’t handle it. But being me, I just nodded and we continued talking details, ignoring the topic that used to be ‘us’.
And that was the last time I saw him before the wedding day.
-
“You’re a dumbass, you know that Jjong?” Kibum scolded, fixing Jonghyun’s tie with much more force than required.
“Kim Kibum, do you know how much you’re hurting me right now?!”
“Not any more than you’re hurting yourself by going through with this, pabo. He offered you to drop out of being his best man. He offered an opportunity so that you didn’t have to suffer through watching him marry off to someone else. Maybe he isn’t as stupid as I thought he was,” Kibum muttered, smoothing out every insignificant detail in Jonghyun’s tux.
“You know what, can you just leave, please? I can handle this myself, damnit. Just.. go,” Jonghyun pushed the arguing Kibum out of the dressing room, slamming the door shut once he was out.
“Whatever, Jonghyun! If you break down in front of everyone, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Aish, really, this man...” Jonghyun heard Kibum yell, his voice trailing off along with his footsteps. He knew he was right, that he would suddenly break into tears the moment the wedding song would play on the piano. But here he was, just hours before the wedding, getting ready to watch his love be officially, completely off limits.
With a sigh, he slumped down in the empty chair, staring at himself in the long mirror in front of him, “Jonghyun.. can you really do this? Can you really continue living after this?”
Groaning, he slapped his hand on top of his eyes, slowly bringing it down to cover his mouth. He closed his eyes, throwing his head up, and murmured into his hand, “I don’t think I can...”
-
“Hey, where’s Jonghyun? I need to tell him something,” I asked Kaein, even though everyone and their moms protested, because I wasn’t ‘supposed to see the bride before the wedding’. But that didn’t even matter anymore.
“Is it over, Minho? Are you finally going to break off this wedding, after weeks of preparation? Are you finally realizing that your love for Jonghyun is strong enough to defy your parents, now? Now that we wasted all this time and money? Really, Minho? Really?” Kaein asked, choking on some of her words, her head down, not bothering to look up at me, because she was probably afraid that her makeup was now running.
There was no use denying it. She hit the nail on the head, or whatever that saying is. So all I could muster up to say was, “Yeah.”
“He said he was going to the place where his heart was broken, such a cheesy overdramatic man. I guess that’s why you love him, you’re a sucker for that type of thing..” She answered, wiping away her tears before turning to face me. “So go get him, Minho. Good luck...”
“Kaein...” I started, walking towards her, ready to hold her in a tight embrace while muttering one thousand apologies.
“No, Minho. Just go, okay? Show him how lucky he is that you picked him, just go. Show him the love you’ve been holding in day after day. He needs it more than I do,” And that just reminded me exactly why I had originally fell in love with her in the first place. She was understanding, she was smart, she thought of others first, she was Kaein. But that love faded and completely transferred to Jonghyun. I tried, in that moment, to look deep into her eyes and reignite the fire that was between us back that. But all I could think about was Jonghyun.
“I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to you, okay? You and your future husbands wedding will be completely planned out and payed for by me, I promise. Thanks, Kaein, really,” I replied quickly, ran out the door, out the church, and towards your office.
-
CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE ALTERNATE ENDING! OR CONTINUE READING FOR THE ORIGINAL ENDING!
-
Dear Minho,
You were right. I couldn’t handle watching you marry Kaein, and kiss her, and hear the priest pronounce you man and wife. But that’s not the only thing I couldn’t handle, so your offer of not being best man wouldn’t have helped me in the long run anyways. Because I can’t, or well couldn’t, handle living without your sweet kisses, your soft “I love you’s”, your teasing, your big bear hugs, your presence in general. I couldn’t live without you being mine, and me being yours. I couldn’t live without being the girlfriend in the relationship, I couldn’t live without our relationship period.
To be completely honest, I don’t know how I survived this long, knowing that you were eventually going to be married to Kaein, the love of your life. I think it was seeing Kaein looking beautiful in that elegant white wedding dress that pushed me over the edge. I think it was seeing how much love oozed out of her while she gushed about you in the dress. I think that’s when I realized “Oh, this is real. Kaein really loves him, he really loves her.”
I think it’s good that I realized it, finally. Because now I don’t have to watch you kiss her passionately, the way I swear you used to kiss me. Because now I don’t have to watch you raise a family with her happily. Because now I’m saving myself from living a life of misery, drowning myself in chocolate ice cream and noraebang with Kibum every day.
So don’t feel bad about this, because I know you Minho, and I know you’ll feel bad about this. But don’t, because actually I think this is somehow a good thing that I’m not going to be here to witness any of this anymore.
I promise you, I’m in a better place now, without all of this suffering. And maybe I’ll see you in the future, when you join me. Maybe then, I’ll finally be over you. But for now, I still love you, Minho. And actually, I think I might always love you, no matter where I am. You’re a hard person to forget, to get over, to not love. But anyway, I guess I should go now. When you get this letter, I hope you and Kaein are starting off with a great married life. Don’t let this get you down. I love you Minho, and I hope you enjoy the rest of your life.
Again, I love you. Forever.
Love, Jonghyun.
-
“Wait... No.. You can’t.. He didn’t.. Please, fucking please, Jinki, tell me he didn’t.. He couldn’t have... Fuck! He... This is all... I...” And that was all I could say before breaking down in front of you, grabbing tightly onto your clothes before falling on my knees.
I couldn’t breathe, and I appreciate you holding me until I stopped. I appreciate you mumbling short “It’s going to be okay”, even though they were complete lies. I appreciate you being there for me, and suggesting we go through this whole process, because I do believe that if you weren’t there to help me, I would have gone the same path that Jonghyun went.
But I didn’t, although I thoroughly considered it day after day, just so that I could see him again, even though it wouldn’t be physically. And it’s all thanks to you. Thanks, Jinki, for letting me read his journal that he wrote whenever he met up with you. Thanks, Jinki, for letting me talk everything out with you. I still am completely heartbroken, and I’m still not over Jonghyun, and just like him, I don’t think I’ll ever get over Jonghyun. But I think talking about all of this helped me a lot. So, thanks.
I hope you enjoy your marriage with Kibum, by the way. Please tell him not to hate me so much? And even though this might not even help, tell him that I love Jonghyun, I always have, and that I always will.
-
a/n: Feel free to punch me now if you read the original ending. For anyone interested, here's the extended authors note!