A year in review.
In the English language, you may have five words to choose from to express a single idea at one time. I've learned that the trick is to use the one cliche you think no one else is using. When vultures express how hungry they are, they circle and feed. Let's be more like vultures than usual today.
This year begins on July 25th, 2004.
On my way home, I read my second JD Salinger book and I absorbed every word of it while ignoring the depressing trip home. I'd always referred to it as home. I wondered if it was somewhat of a foreshadowing. I didn't know what I was going to do when I got home, but I thought I was going to OWN THAT TOWN, just like before, just like before that.
Charleston, Raleigh, Lavergne.
Therefore, life sort of repeats itself. A year ago, I was preparing to wean myself from iced tea and grilled cheese sandwiches. I was walking several miles a day. I came home as thin as a little boy. Yes, I kind of miss the simplicity. Family seems more like family here in Tennessee, even though I still had friends whose parents were trying to make money off of fledglings.
I've been through the simple kindness of others and I've been through major cities. I've been slowly and unintentionally detatching myself from the social range, just like last year in Raleigh. I look around now and there are grimaces where there were sparkled eyes. I used to try.
A person can type an email at any time of day. A message can reach almost anyone instantly, but it's as if I've moved to Holland to most of my friends online. Whenever asked what I've been up to, I always seem to boast about having a life, but there's nothing lively about sharing your time with closed quarters.
This year, I've been through a lot of different hobbies and interests. I've been drunk a few times. It's an amazing experience for me because my mind is so stubborn that it will not let go under any circumstances. Even when I'm drunk, one part of my brain is telling me that I should keep my arms straight as to not appear drunken. The most magical of my ideas come in that short time, sitting at a table or bar. I'm telling myself "This is how grown-ups have fun. They drink and fuck."
I've been through a lot of coffee and Buffy. I've conquered allergies and enveloped myself in getting used to an occasional self-gratification. Everything I used to carry fit in an old boot box. I need to see my family more often. They were the ones believing in me. I can't get around just yet. The time has come around again to a sense of prosperity. I want to push myself up to something comfortable and enriching.
These are times to put in new things and get rid of old things. It's kind of like 'end of summer cleaning' for me. We're getting into the seasons. I'm letting go of a lot of old friends who have nothing to do with me. Some of my friends still hang on to the three conversations we've had all year. I'm sorry about that.
There is a philosophy I developed this year. Every day is potentially a good or bad day. If you like being happy and having good days, the trick isn't to be ignorant, but to be stubborn and unyielding. You cannot allow the actions of the unguided and confused people out there to rule your emotions, for the greater part. There's nothing honest about saying that you're never sad, confused, or angry of course. Our entire lives are filled with this and more. It's merely about letting go as much as possible and even of the good things. The trick is to ride the wave and smile as much as possible. Be brave to others. Give them courage. Do your part to keep your side of the world held up. I know this sounds like OMG NIKE SPORTS GOD LOVES YOU FEEL GOOD garbage. I can guarantee that your quality of life isn't reduced because some judgemental person from the office felt like testing you last week. It really is about letting go of all the things that hold you back.
I hope your year is going well. I hope it's going more than OK. Even if a lot of bad things happened, look at how many good things happened as well. It's all one big moment. Three more moments to go.
R U still down,
-David