Things I've been meaning to post about: Mentors
Gentle Readers,
The third in my series of Things I've Been Meaning to Post About is the idea of a Mentor. I was having a lovely conversation with my parents and talking about all kinds of stuff when they mentioned my brother and his mentor when he was studying Traditional Chinese Medicine. I thought about it for a bit and concluded that I've never had a mentor.
So, before we get too deep into this, I should make sure that we have a working definition of mentor. In my mind, a mentorship has two sides (which should come as no surprise, there are 2 people). On the Mentor's side, they are someone who has taken a personal interest in their protege's growth and development and invested their energy and support in helping make that happen. On the Protege's side, they see something in the Mentor that they wish to emulate and think that the direction they are being guided is where they would like to be.
The SCA actually has a pretty good culture of mentorship (although quality of mentors and proteges can vary) and that's where I have most often seen this form of relationship. I've also seen it in university and in various forms in some of the workplaces I've had.
I've had many people in my life who have helped me become the person I am. I've had many amazing teachers who have helped me get better at various things and people higher up in the food chain in various organizations who have shown me the ropes, but I can't really point to any of those relationships and say "this person was a mentor" as opposed to this person being a caring friend or a teacher. It's the aspect of Role Model that seems to be missing from the relationships. I haven't managed to find that person I want to be like.
One of the things I've been wondering is if that is because I'm not seen as mentorable or if it has more to do with my not finding that person to emulate. Am I picky in what I'm looking for? Am I too particular? Am I seen as too difficult to guide and/or change? There have been many people I've learned from, and learned a lot, but I haven't seen them as someone guiding me. The relationships have felt more like we are peers. So, perhaps it's ego and the lack of ability to see them as far enough above me that I have to strive to reach where they are.
On the other hand, maybe it's been shyness and I've just not been willing to put myself forward to request that relationship either implicitly or explicitly.
Now, I find myself in a position where I could start to act as a mentor for someone else and, frankly, I find that idea a little frightening. Am I in a place that I want to bring other people to? Can I help people avoid the pitfalls that I have stepped in or if not, can I help them out? Do I need to seek someone out, or let them come to me?
I have no idea, but I think I need to figure it out. I do believe that I have useful knowledge to share but I'm not sure how to best go about it. Sometimes I feel way more like a useful counterexample than a role model.
Maybe I should find someone to mentor me in mentoring.
Original post on Dreamwidth - there are
comments there.
The third in my series of Things I've Been Meaning to Post About is the idea of a Mentor. I was having a lovely conversation with my parents and talking about all kinds of stuff when they mentioned my brother and his mentor when he was studying Traditional Chinese Medicine. I thought about it for a bit and concluded that I've never had a mentor.
So, before we get too deep into this, I should make sure that we have a working definition of mentor. In my mind, a mentorship has two sides (which should come as no surprise, there are 2 people). On the Mentor's side, they are someone who has taken a personal interest in their protege's growth and development and invested their energy and support in helping make that happen. On the Protege's side, they see something in the Mentor that they wish to emulate and think that the direction they are being guided is where they would like to be.
The SCA actually has a pretty good culture of mentorship (although quality of mentors and proteges can vary) and that's where I have most often seen this form of relationship. I've also seen it in university and in various forms in some of the workplaces I've had.
I've had many people in my life who have helped me become the person I am. I've had many amazing teachers who have helped me get better at various things and people higher up in the food chain in various organizations who have shown me the ropes, but I can't really point to any of those relationships and say "this person was a mentor" as opposed to this person being a caring friend or a teacher. It's the aspect of Role Model that seems to be missing from the relationships. I haven't managed to find that person I want to be like.
One of the things I've been wondering is if that is because I'm not seen as mentorable or if it has more to do with my not finding that person to emulate. Am I picky in what I'm looking for? Am I too particular? Am I seen as too difficult to guide and/or change? There have been many people I've learned from, and learned a lot, but I haven't seen them as someone guiding me. The relationships have felt more like we are peers. So, perhaps it's ego and the lack of ability to see them as far enough above me that I have to strive to reach where they are.
On the other hand, maybe it's been shyness and I've just not been willing to put myself forward to request that relationship either implicitly or explicitly.
Now, I find myself in a position where I could start to act as a mentor for someone else and, frankly, I find that idea a little frightening. Am I in a place that I want to bring other people to? Can I help people avoid the pitfalls that I have stepped in or if not, can I help them out? Do I need to seek someone out, or let them come to me?
I have no idea, but I think I need to figure it out. I do believe that I have useful knowledge to share but I'm not sure how to best go about it. Sometimes I feel way more like a useful counterexample than a role model.
Maybe I should find someone to mentor me in mentoring.
Original post on Dreamwidth - there are
comments there.