I love Shiloh...oops, I mean Shia Birch...duh!
Bonjour peasants!
We are here once again...this time to witness one of the most revolting, stomach-churning, shiver-inducing events since Britney Spears shaved her head in a moment of Toxic insanity...we are here to witness: MY 20TH BIRTHDAY!
The day began as all my birthday parties do...with a movie! After running around ALL morning getting things done, it was nice to finally sit back, relax, and watch one of my newest favourite movies: TRANSFORMERS!
Natalia: "He's such a good actor...that Shiloh."
Me: "Umm...Shia, you mean?"
Natalia: "Oh right! DUH. Shia Birch..."
We hustle and flowed our way to my house, where cake cutting ensued:
Some blond twit brought my cake to me at my request...
I then proceeded to order her to do a gypsy dance for me...
By the looks of it, she wasn't very happy with what I made her do...the second I turned my back, she contemplated butchering me with a knife...
I forgive her though...she's demented.
Mompaul's fretting.
I smacked my lips and Mompaul gave a chuckle.
I then kicked my family out of my house and got the Phillipino Maid to conjure up some drinks:
It was then time for the best part of any birthday party: GIFTS! I mean...the best part of birthday parties is spending time with those you love the most...aoum...
Some crazed Pervin Mervin attacked my gifts!
My gift from Zeenan: Booze, obviously!
Too bad some rotund-faced 13-year-old came in and stole my champagne! ASSHOW!
I kept my distance from Zeenan when saying thank you...over the summer she's become a bit...oh...retarded.
Being showered with gifts! A lovely card/party-animal-shirt from Mosmie and a sweet friendship plaque from Natalia!
I also received a gorge Guess shirt from my Luss Bus and a wondrous Guess watch & jacket from Gavstar!
Thank all y'all so much! Loves ya!
Drunks of the Round Table
Hilary's feelin it in the back.
HotSexyCute...and I'm a giant.
The Sex.
The beginning of the end:
The Fuzzball showed up to wish me a happy birthday and rasied a glass (or plastic bottle...) in a toast:
Somehow, even with more than two hours to prepare ourselves, we still found ourselves making the limo driver wait while we ran around the house like monkeys, grabbing everything...I even had to rush BACK in to get the Rihanna CD...so typical.
Lifestyles of the Rich and Not-so-Famous
Typical.
Limousine Lovers!
Natalia's daydreaming of her lifetime goal: Having sex in a limo.
Fabulousity
LIZ, YOUR PURSE! Oh Dasani bottle...why you so ~*~*classy*~*~
J.O.A. and J.O.A.!
And so it begins...
Gavin is "what choo say?", Liz is pleasing herself while nobody's watching, Zeenan is retarded, Melissa is PISSED that the coke is finished and Natalia's jealous that Mosa got a bit more coke than her
Gavstar entertains with a drunken story full of slurs while Milly sleeps off the booze.
First stop: Gyro Beach!
Nice aim, Zeenan...apparently it was VITAL for her to get the sign in...
Fave:
We all posed with some awk little boy we picked up from Gyro...we then forced alcohol down his throat until he was non-coherent, ravaged him and took his money/clothes. NEW BIRTHDAY TRADITION ALERT!
Second stop: Natalia's House! (wtf.)
We all had to pee really badly...so it was only logical that we stopped to see Kashi and John while completely shittered...Natalia's mom was LOVIN IT! I'm pretty sure we bombarded the poor couple with drunken breath and glazy eyes...
Sisterhood
Strike a pose!
Demon in the back is LOVIN it as she swiftly makes her way.
Satin and Fatass
Transtar and Fatass
FINALLY Better:
Natalia's Badonkadonk, Jane, Ape, Bus and Little Chinese Boy
So things were fairly normal...until...all of a sudden...
"SHUT UP AND DRIVE!"
Aunty Liz keeps a close eye on her neice's drinking...she wants to make sure she doesn't drink too little.
Melissa is a Asian sexpot, Zeenan's lookin good while being shoved to the back, I'm tranning it up with the feather while putting a surprised Natalia under gridlock.
Ways to tell if people are intoxicated:
1. The "Oh No You Didn't!" faces come out
2. The pointing begins
3. Lips are puckered in a tool-like fashion
4. "Rock On" hand signals are evoked
5. A red-faced drunk makes a face like he just smelled a hot shart
6. Eyes get lazy
7. Fingers go fucktarded
8. "Livin the Tran Life" begins
9. Confusion about simple things occurs
And finally...
10. This happens.
Got a ride that's smoother than a limousine!
Bitches in the Back
The Kills re-ignite their relationship, while Betty's ex-husband James drowns his sorrows in the shadows...
This is the key that makes us fug up!
Note my bear claw, Melissa's secret, Gavin's pose and Natalia's I've-just-been-stungunned face
Better!
The In Crowd
I'm getting ready for my drag show, Melissa's melting and Liz...
THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!
Breakin Dishes...like a tran!
Shiloh Lover and Joan!
I look about 86 and a half years old...but wait...Melissa...are your eyes OPEN or CLOSED?!
Eyes Wide Shut
Le Divorce!
Cheers to that!
Nice PURE vodka, Natalia!
Zeenan, Natalia and Beyonce lookin so crazy in love!
Omg Melissa...you win.
Resemblance...y/y?
Get it right, get it right, get it tight!
Three's Company!
Natalia's ready to choke some bitches!
Limo Lez Party!
Melissa's rockin the Busted look
As you can probably tell, Rihanna is our summer obsession...hence:
"YOU GOT THE KEYS..."
Gavin's polluted.
The view out the sunroof as Melissa flew alongside the limo with drink in-hand:
Remember Natalia's dream about having sex in a limo? Well...apparently it came true.
Luss Bus promised she wouldn't watch while the scandalous act was executed:
Looks like it was ZEENAN who was pleasing Natalia so! Just look at how much Natalia's diggin that ass!
Find the demented Bus.
Third stop: Mac's (again...wtf.)
We stopped to buy chase (classy.), and we obviously could not do that discreetly...we busted in and, of course, made a huge scene...
Example: Melissa using the wrong end of the key to try to open the bathroom door. I rest my case.
So was it a good idea to stop for more coke so we could drink more? I think the amount of fizz in that bottle and the look on Melissa's face provide the answer to that question.
Twix Twinks!
So.Sexy.
Melissa is very interested in my green tongue...probably because she was hungry. I hate cannibals.
June TRYING to look sweet to lure the young 11-year-old boy into her seductive love chamber (aka where she rapes young children)
Happy to be there
Not anymore.
Gavin and Liz parked their chins on the shoulders of some rotund, wrinkly olive:
Fourth Stop: Lookout
Love how we all INSISTED on standing on the cement block:
Note in the last pic: Liz attempting a Marilyn Monroe but failing and Melissa trying to find Zeenan's hotspot
Spot the messy demon, drunken perv, Lezbots and the birthday-boy outcast:
The result of the windstorm?...
Natalia's Bitchin' Bangs.
Please note our limo driver...he was the shit. Loves him.
Next stop: TRANsylvania
Aunty-Nephew time! YO!
"What where did all that vodka go?"
Coming home after a night at the opera...again.
Hooker and Hannibal's Sister Mischa
But wait...what's going on in the back?
Zeenan: "THIS IS THE WATER THAT PARIS HILTON DRINKS!"
Gavin: "COOOOOOOOOL!"
Please.
Limousine Lasses
Alright...so remember that tranny who crashed my 18th birthday party?
How about the one that crashed Priya's 18th birthday party?
Well...they joined forces to invade yet another celebration...my 20th. I present to you: The Tranfans.
Fifth Stop: The Ships
We definitely look cropped into this picture:
Zeenan's embarrassed about how badly she has to shit:
I am so hot for Bearded Melissa.
So here is where I leave you with a cliffhanger...
What is happening here?
And what scandalous act was caught on film?
And why, oh why, is Gavin getting so much womanly love?
Find out the answers to these questions and more when I finish posting the rest of our Epic Shitshow tomorrow!
Until then...
Sweet dreams.