Self Realization 101
When I shower, I either sing loudly and horribly off key, or I think. And when I think in the shower, I tend to have some of my best thoughts. Today was an incredible think day. Depending on who is reading this, you may or may not know how I've been feeling lately. To sum it up, I've felt very depressed, worthless, fat, ugly, dumb, and a number of other negative things, all covered up by my patented "Happy Jessica" facade. And let me just tell you, it's a damn good facade, because hardly anybody knew what I was really feeling.
So, now that the truth is out, let's progress to today. I was in the shower, and I began to think about what amazing friends I have. Yes, that's right, I have some of the best friends in the world. I'm not going to go through and list them all, but if I hung out with you this weekend, I talked to you on the phone within the past 72 hours, or we've missed each other in the past week, then you are one of these friends. And there's quite a few of you. So, I was thinking to myself, "Wow, these are some really amazing people, how did I get them to be my friends?", when suddenly it dawned on me. I am a good person, in fact, maybe even a great person. If not, why would these wonderful people care about me, and be such good friends. In turn, most of them I'm sure consider me a good friend as well.
So, why am I always so down on myself? I know it has a lot to do with my appearance, and the fact that I feel very unattractive, especially when compared to our society's view of beauty. But why is this so? I get positive attention from males all the time, so obviously, I'm at least a little bit desirable. Now here comes the self realization part.
I fucking rock. Seriously. People love me, and care about me, and miss me when I'm gone. I make people laugh, and am there for them when they cry. What's more though, I have the capacity to love them back. Guys want me. Maybe not a good majority of guys, but still, there are guys that want me. I am beautiful. I am intelligent and witty. I am a good person.
No more apathy for me. I'm sick of that. I miss feeling content deep inside. I miss knowing exactly who I am, and what I want out of life. I know I can change, and what a wonderful change it will be. I will study, go to class, be prepared. I will eat healthier, and exercise, not because I want to fit some mold, but because I want to feel good, and look my best, and be as beautiful outside as I am inside.
I don't know, maybe some of you are laughing at me now, but for the first time in quite a while, I actually feel good. I don't want to crawl in a hole and die anymore. The sun is shining, the air is crisp, and I'm starting over.
So, now that the truth is out, let's progress to today. I was in the shower, and I began to think about what amazing friends I have. Yes, that's right, I have some of the best friends in the world. I'm not going to go through and list them all, but if I hung out with you this weekend, I talked to you on the phone within the past 72 hours, or we've missed each other in the past week, then you are one of these friends. And there's quite a few of you. So, I was thinking to myself, "Wow, these are some really amazing people, how did I get them to be my friends?", when suddenly it dawned on me. I am a good person, in fact, maybe even a great person. If not, why would these wonderful people care about me, and be such good friends. In turn, most of them I'm sure consider me a good friend as well.
So, why am I always so down on myself? I know it has a lot to do with my appearance, and the fact that I feel very unattractive, especially when compared to our society's view of beauty. But why is this so? I get positive attention from males all the time, so obviously, I'm at least a little bit desirable. Now here comes the self realization part.
I fucking rock. Seriously. People love me, and care about me, and miss me when I'm gone. I make people laugh, and am there for them when they cry. What's more though, I have the capacity to love them back. Guys want me. Maybe not a good majority of guys, but still, there are guys that want me. I am beautiful. I am intelligent and witty. I am a good person.
No more apathy for me. I'm sick of that. I miss feeling content deep inside. I miss knowing exactly who I am, and what I want out of life. I know I can change, and what a wonderful change it will be. I will study, go to class, be prepared. I will eat healthier, and exercise, not because I want to fit some mold, but because I want to feel good, and look my best, and be as beautiful outside as I am inside.
I don't know, maybe some of you are laughing at me now, but for the first time in quite a while, I actually feel good. I don't want to crawl in a hole and die anymore. The sun is shining, the air is crisp, and I'm starting over.