summer
summer is almost over. things are coming to an end. people are slowly letting the fact that its almost done, sink in. i don't want it to end, as much as it hasn't exactly been enjoyable for me, but more boring and really unfulfilled, i'd still prefer this to the panic stricken deadlines of school. i want this year to be memorable in a good way, i want it to be fun and challenging, but how can you ask for that and not get something thats totaly full of school work without the simple five minutes of breath needed to relax from the homework i'll be doing non-stop. my schedule is messed up and thats more than enough to give me problems before school has even begun to take its toll on me. i think that my biggest ambition this year is going to be to write. i really want to take my part in the school paper, i've wanted to for some time now, but things just never seemed right. hopefully this year they will and i'll get that chance. this is the year when we decide our futures, and as much as i try to convince myself that i know what it is that i want, there is still this small little nagging feeling, a deep wonder of whether the choices i have made to this point and the choices i am about to make are right. guess there is never any way of knowing until the outcome of those choices is one that suits your liking. either way, right now my choices seem to be more career involved choices than anything else. my passion lies in many places, most of all i feel it lies in writting, but i'm quite worried that a future in this field is not something that will earn me a living, enough for me to be independant. aparantly connections are the most needed item in this case, none of which i have. so whether i have the talent or not it wont work. archeology or paleantology wont work becuase once again payment isn't good, unless i make some wonderful calosal discovery- a life long dream come true - which once again not too likely (i sound like an incredible pessimist). then there is psychology which is an interest of mine, that is the way i seem to have chosen to go while still keeping my options somewhat open. i'll just have to see what the future holds. back to summer, there is a week and a half left, definately not enough time in any way, shape, form, state, etc... funny how fast it all flies by. this week i have family coming in for my sisters 12th birthday, my boyfriend coming back on friday, and some other variouse things i need to start and take care of if i ever want them to happen. i think its time i really started taking things into my own hands. more than before. i just need to set myself to it and stick with it until what i want/need is done. every summer i make a stupid revelation or change, and i need to do that this summer, maybe realising this has been my revelation, time will tell. i dont know. in any case this last week better be good..i hope lol.
-JT-
-JT-