Why is life the way it is ?

[j_rome]

I'm starting to change lots of things about my life as of now. I've been really depressed lateley and i'm just tired of it so i'm gonna change lots of things. It's gonna requie lots of selfmotivation and support but in the end I should better from it. I'm moving back to E-town ntill spring semester starts at WKU. My moms been in the ICU in and out this whole month and has had surgery twice this month as well and its not going so well so I want to spend as much time with her now as i can. Thats really had me down lately as well. It makes me wonder all kinds of things like if i was a good enough son for her or i'll just think about the times i made er feel bad. I just want to make everything up to her. I havent really cried i guess for years but lateley at night time i'll just break down in tears. My mom and sis and pop are really the only family i have and call familly I just think its to early for my mother to leave this world. I dont know what I do if it happens I meen I'm in shock as of now... I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!! Everyone just keep my mom in your prayers please. I love that woman more than anything in the world and if i could take her place i would in a heartbeat but just seeing her in the hospital this way has just heartbroken me so if ne body doesnt here from me i'm not trying to be mean I'm just shocked at everything thats going on and i dont know how to deal with it.
much love
anthony