you might have succeeded in changing me
I don’t remember how old I was the first time I heard his voice, but for as long as I can remember he has been a part of my life. He was always there in the background of whatever else was going on quietly or sometimes not so quietly contributing to the frequently silly and rare tender moments that make up the person I am now. When I got this journal I had no idea that talking to him would be one of the benefits of having it but he added me even before I added him. I didn’t know him by his user name but when I checked his info it clicked in and I felt seriously flattered that he even knew who I was well enough to have seen my journal and added it. I felt more welcome somehow and connected to everyone here because I feel tied to him. He will say that he was always a part of a group and that I should realize that and I do but there was just something about the way he embraced his art that made me more aware of him than I was of others. And now I’m on my way to London to see him at Live 8 and it seems surreal that I could be going there not just to see him play but to meet and talk to him. That I am someone he is actually looking forward to seeing. I know I may say something stupid but I don’t think he will mind if I do. He’s as easy and interesting talk with as his music is to hear. To say I’m looking forward to this is the understatement of a life time.
I still consider myself new to most of this so I’m still adding people and getting to know the people who have added me. I’ve been talking to Mikey Way, who has the best “use of finger” icon, and Frank Iero, who makes the best use of fingerless gloves. Getting to know people I might never have met is one of the best reasons to have a journal. I’m still kind of selective about it. I don’t think I’m a snob but there has to be something that catches my interest because I’m really selfish about the way I spend my time. I choose the journals I read the same way I choose books. I could spend hours in a bookstore looking and looking but I never just buy randomly. A book is a commitment for me, when I open the cover and read that first word I’m in. I won’t stop reading until I finish that last sentence because if it has caught my interest in the first place I feel like there has to be something for me there. It doesn’t have to be some great life changing self help book. Hell I make the same commit to a comic. I read what I pick up. I learn something. I cry. I laugh. I get mad. I change in some way.
I guess I feel the same way about the journals. I expect to get something from the time I spend here even if it’s just a random thought I wouldn’t have had.
I spend a lot of time on the roof of his building when he is otherwise occupied looking down at everyone. I’ve thrown a water balloon or two because yes I am that immature. I always choose someone in a nice suit because yeah I’m a shit. Or I try to hit girls in t-shirts because well who can blame me for that. I like watching people and trying to figure out things about their lives by what I see. I usually just make some shit up. It’s fun. I guess I’m a little bit of a voyeur or maybe just an actor. I do like games.
It’s no secret I’ve been fascinated with one person since I got here. The truth is my interest in him started long before I got this journal. I don’t define what our relationship is very well. I care about him a lot and I like being with him. I like playing with him. I like the games. Maybe they are my way to proctect myself from getting too involved when he clearly isn't ready or maybe I'm just that kinky, maybe it's a little bit of both. It feels good so it can't be that bad and sometimes for me it's better not to ask a lot of questions and just go with what feels right. I'm kind of a late bloomer anyway because I managed to stay a virgin for 19 years. Not out of choice or purity but because I tend to put myself on hold waiting for the right time or right person or both. I guess maybe I'm more like Stacy than I like to admit, type casting or whatever.
I’m supposed to go skating with about half a dozen people and once I get back from London I’m going to do that. I miss it. Hi Nikki.
Edit: I was going to save this for another entry but I have to give credit where credit is due. I worship you Brad Pitt. I am not worthy of sharing your hair color. I'm proud to call you Papa.
I still consider myself new to most of this so I’m still adding people and getting to know the people who have added me. I’ve been talking to Mikey Way, who has the best “use of finger” icon, and Frank Iero, who makes the best use of fingerless gloves. Getting to know people I might never have met is one of the best reasons to have a journal. I’m still kind of selective about it. I don’t think I’m a snob but there has to be something that catches my interest because I’m really selfish about the way I spend my time. I choose the journals I read the same way I choose books. I could spend hours in a bookstore looking and looking but I never just buy randomly. A book is a commitment for me, when I open the cover and read that first word I’m in. I won’t stop reading until I finish that last sentence because if it has caught my interest in the first place I feel like there has to be something for me there. It doesn’t have to be some great life changing self help book. Hell I make the same commit to a comic. I read what I pick up. I learn something. I cry. I laugh. I get mad. I change in some way.
I guess I feel the same way about the journals. I expect to get something from the time I spend here even if it’s just a random thought I wouldn’t have had.
I spend a lot of time on the roof of his building when he is otherwise occupied looking down at everyone. I’ve thrown a water balloon or two because yes I am that immature. I always choose someone in a nice suit because yeah I’m a shit. Or I try to hit girls in t-shirts because well who can blame me for that. I like watching people and trying to figure out things about their lives by what I see. I usually just make some shit up. It’s fun. I guess I’m a little bit of a voyeur or maybe just an actor. I do like games.
It’s no secret I’ve been fascinated with one person since I got here. The truth is my interest in him started long before I got this journal. I don’t define what our relationship is very well. I care about him a lot and I like being with him. I like playing with him. I like the games. Maybe they are my way to proctect myself from getting too involved when he clearly isn't ready or maybe I'm just that kinky, maybe it's a little bit of both. It feels good so it can't be that bad and sometimes for me it's better not to ask a lot of questions and just go with what feels right. I'm kind of a late bloomer anyway because I managed to stay a virgin for 19 years. Not out of choice or purity but because I tend to put myself on hold waiting for the right time or right person or both. I guess maybe I'm more like Stacy than I like to admit, type casting or whatever.
I’m supposed to go skating with about half a dozen people and once I get back from London I’m going to do that. I miss it. Hi Nikki.
Edit: I was going to save this for another entry but I have to give credit where credit is due. I worship you Brad Pitt. I am not worthy of sharing your hair color. I'm proud to call you Papa.