yet again? The Full Story
instead of going to earn money for my drums by playing poker with friends
in the moring...i decide to go to school =S i would never have gone if
i didnt tell her that i would come in the morning and come with since
*lie* i have to go anyways to get stuff from boathouse, ill be honest...i
still have some feeligns for her...shes kool has a my kind of style and music
and also i was also gonna go cause of her bestfriend...cause i also have a
crush on her...well okay *back to the beginning* since last year i originally did, and i originally wanted
to try and get with her...but once this other person told me that the girl im
primarly talking about liked me(and i also had a crush on her at the time)...
i was like oh easy...and things were going good..but i dont know what happened
...things became weird when she came back from the phillipines...maybe
i was too agressive in the beginning trying to force something, but all i know is
i really missed it, how we were it was kool...i tried calling so many times but i guessed
she was avoiding me and didnt wanna talk...then school started and i tried to fix things
and i was hoping that things we be back to normal that id see her her after school and go to her place and
chill. watch movies and play nintendo;another reason why i liked her so much, old school gamer
and was pretty fucknig sick-kicked my fucknig ass, what we usually did...but then i didnt see her
so i tried calling over and over so many until i realised i must have been annoying her
even more, figuring out that shes avoiding me, and that its making it worse
so eventually i stopped and id see her in the halls and her and her friends would fully turn
the other way around and avoid me...after a while and some other crap
someone helped fix it a bit...but from there it was still weird and ackward
not totally fixed and everytime i tried to chill and talk it would become gayed
and from a source she would be "bitchy" and be like oh why is he here and all
or just how she finds it weird how i randomly come up to them or just
chill with them...but i really wanted to be back to normal...but how would that be possible
if i werent about to keep that friendship, at least, intact and active...and ir eally wanted to
but after a while i got tired of chasing after her and i lied to myself saying i didnt care
and i was over her for sure and whatever else...and then i kinda started to focus
on her bestfriend, who i was origannly trying to go fro back then, and shes kool
after i got to know and a bit but barely and from the times i chilled with them and after
a while i was so focused on trying to get with her or at least increase our friendship
and in that time because things would be ackward with rachel so we didnt really
get anywhere and i yeah...*BUT after today* my feelings for her are back
again and even stronger, even though her bestfriend is hot, i still really like her
for all the same reasons as before, and even more reasons now. The day before, after school, i just met them in the halls and i just talked to them...and when i was talking to her it felt
like things were back to normal..she was acting al kool again, calling me a fag and all;
as lame as it is, and pushing me around-ish and hitting me but yeah...so we actually
talked the whole time we were wlaking in the halls and we walked around for
quite some time...where as usually it would be a weird and quick 3-5 second convo
and then itd either be quiet or she'd start talknig to her bestfriend and walk a bit
ahead of me leaving me with her other friend...back to point we actually talked
the whole time and her friends were with her...so after i actually chlled with them in the front and
it wasnt that ackward still a bit cause of her group of friends and stuff but
she like talked to me and i felt as if i was included in their circle or whatever...where as
i would always feel left out and out of the circle and it would look like im just standing there observing them
or just chilling by myself...and then like i said in the beginning i decided to tell her, even though
i knew about the two poker games i was going to play to earn money for my drums...
and i told her oh hey ill come to school in the morning then and meet you people up...
so next day comes im there...and then we eventually meet up...her original plans
with her other friends kinda got messed up..but yeah we ended up walking around school and
just chilling in front of a classroom...and for a bit i was out of the convo cause they were
talknig to their other friends about there plans..but afterwards things were okay-ish abit...
and then because there other friend was going somewhere with her boyfriend..they made
and agreement that if they came to the assembly then theyd come with us...and we went for a bit and
eventually elft like 5/10 minutes before the end so i pretty much stayed the whole day at school
ew..anyways, we talked and stuff as we were trying to escape the assembly...and also while
we were waiting on the other friend to change and the other friend to sneak out with her boy boy
and while we werwe roaming the halls to get stuff from each others lockers and going to the washroom
we still talked...and that was awesome. From there going to town station...i was at the back and they
were in the middle so that was neutral..but when we got into the rt things went good-ish...we listened
to music on my mp3...and she has good taste same as me which i like...and she found my paris hilton
album haha and she listened to a song from it...and she hates riding the bus subway rt or whatever like
that because she gets sick or feels sick because yeah its weird but its okay...so my music actually helped
her a bit in feeling better and yeah we went down to subway...from there we just had some small
talk not much...im guessing cause she was feeling sick again cause she was on the
subway but yeah...so we were just listening to my mp3 player the way down...and when we got there
thats when things just...went so right...where it felt so right, went to h&M cause i asked them to
and from there we walked to boat house and yeah we went in the store...she seperated a bit
so she can call her friend who knows what her other friend wants, so she chatted with her for a bit
and since it was only me and ehr that was into the style of boathouse and know whats in the store
the other 3 with us jsut wandered together while me and rach just went around, seperately, looking
for our own shit, so from there i eventually tried helping her look for something for her friend
so i was helping her cause i guess i had the same style..but at this time is when i felt
as if i was actally meant to cme and not be a tag along..i actually felt as if we were just there
for each other so we were jsut there together and the others were tag alongs...like as if the day was meant
for us and not for her and her friends...so anywho we walked and talked in boathouse for a while...
and then after a lnog time we found her friends again and they seemed really lost...from there
we decided to leave for winners in search of some "cheap" skater stufff...and this time we
were actually leading the "pack" so me and her were in the front and we were actually talknig to each other
not like forced conversations as it was way before but actually conversation...and we got to the food court
at college whatever and we ate there..sometimes and stuff...and bought her food and kinda shared mine
with her and grace and then while they were in the washroom i took lsoer pictures of myself
on their camera hah..from there the other three had to go home early...so it was just me and her
and i was REALLY surprised because, if it was how it was the day before...she probably woudlnt have
wanted that because it was have been really weird and ackward..but from there yeah..her friends left
and then it was just us to...for the FIRST time ever since end of june...and it felt really good, and i felt
so good about how we were talknig and stuff and how it was just us and how good things were going,
im crying on the inside because it made me so happy...from winners we ahd some fun just looknig for
clothes for her friends and stuff and we were there for a LONG time...so yeah after a while of
talking and looknig...we thought about the gifts rationally because we stumbled upon two shirts
she wanted foir ehrself...but she really need to spend the money on her friends first and she
spent some time deciding what to do, which shirt to pick and what presents to get...but after a while
she though of her friends first...but i had a surprise in mind...so i asked her which one she liked better
of the two shirts and she didnt know cause they both had there own special thing...and i was actually
gonna steal one for her even thoguh i had a feelnig i was gonna get booked, because one for some
reason had no sensor thingy on it(but i decided not to because i know she doesnt want me to stea,
and ididnt wanna get her mad since she didnt want me doing it) back on track so yeah
i took the other one and i kinda hid it and i told her that i was gonna look at the guys section for
some stuff and to wait here...so i went to the guys section......for five seconds and then to the
cashier with one of the shirts and i bought them...when i went back i found her looking for me and she was wodnering where i went...and whens he turned her back i put the shirt in the plastic bag from
another present of hers...so we just continued with our journey, normal things just talking
went back to boathouse and decided on which purse to get her friend..from there we went back to
the station and we saw allen and i was surprised she knew him..sall scene there and anyways...kept
trying to bug her and be like so what did candy get you(so shed open the bag and see the shirt i got her)
but she was like here look yourself and i was like oh no you look...eventually she said shed just show me on the subway...and she opened it and she was like shocked...and she was telling me how i didnt have to
and stuff like that and whyd you do that and you nerd or jerk or whatever things like that BUT for me the
hardest thing to tell right now...is to figure out if its one of those good whyd you do that or the bad whyd
you do that...and i think it was bad because...things got a bit ackward again...we were a kinda quiet on
the subway..but my reasoning was because she ahtes riding and she gets sick so yeah...and at kennedy we talked again a bit and then on the rt too trying to get her out of trouble and thinknig of ideas to
help her out of trouble...anywho at the end when we got to town...i thought she was gonna at least or at most give me a hugh because i got her the present...but then she was kinda in a rush and just left...
...so i dont know if she was just trying not to give me a hug OR if she was just really in a rush, because
she told her dad she was at town and he was waiting outside, and was focused on the lie we thought up
but after that day...despite all those weird or ackward things or doubtable moments...i still havent felt that
good..and i just want it to stay like this forever, or not forever like you know what i mean i just want it to
stay the way it is or eve get better...because the way it is now...it makes me so happy..i fell the bestest
ive ever felt...and as you can see im clearly not over her and after today my feelings for her have just
grown to their highest...and i just cant get it off my mind...what do i do now...how do i not screw up or fuck things up..did the shirt fuck things up...how do i kmeep this going...even thoguh i told her id call...should i call her when i get back, should i call her tomorrow, or in a couple of days...should i just call her once or keep calling her like every ngiht...or call her every other night or just whenever...how do i do this properly and right...and for me in this case there is no such thing as go with the flow because there is no flow in this
you go with the flow if you have nothing to lose or if you dont mind if you lose whatever...but i dont wanna lose this again..this moments the moments, how it was before...i dont want to mess up again by either not acting at all or enough or by acting too much or even acting at all...i simply ont want to lose you, i dont want to lose us...again
---
"why do i miss you miss you so much,
i wanna stop this hurt inside
oh baby please, give us one more try"
i missed how we were i missed it so much
and after realizing great it was, it hurts me inside to know that i messed up
and once again...i miss this...and all i can ask or hope
wish, beg, or pray is that....
.
.
.
.
.
.
you could possible give US one more try...
in the moring...i decide to go to school =S i would never have gone if
i didnt tell her that i would come in the morning and come with since
*lie* i have to go anyways to get stuff from boathouse, ill be honest...i
still have some feeligns for her...shes kool has a my kind of style and music
and also i was also gonna go cause of her bestfriend...cause i also have a
crush on her...well okay *back to the beginning* since last year i originally did, and i originally wanted
to try and get with her...but once this other person told me that the girl im
primarly talking about liked me(and i also had a crush on her at the time)...
i was like oh easy...and things were going good..but i dont know what happened
...things became weird when she came back from the phillipines...maybe
i was too agressive in the beginning trying to force something, but all i know is
i really missed it, how we were it was kool...i tried calling so many times but i guessed
she was avoiding me and didnt wanna talk...then school started and i tried to fix things
and i was hoping that things we be back to normal that id see her her after school and go to her place and
chill. watch movies and play nintendo;another reason why i liked her so much, old school gamer
and was pretty fucknig sick-kicked my fucknig ass, what we usually did...but then i didnt see her
so i tried calling over and over so many until i realised i must have been annoying her
even more, figuring out that shes avoiding me, and that its making it worse
so eventually i stopped and id see her in the halls and her and her friends would fully turn
the other way around and avoid me...after a while and some other crap
someone helped fix it a bit...but from there it was still weird and ackward
not totally fixed and everytime i tried to chill and talk it would become gayed
and from a source she would be "bitchy" and be like oh why is he here and all
or just how she finds it weird how i randomly come up to them or just
chill with them...but i really wanted to be back to normal...but how would that be possible
if i werent about to keep that friendship, at least, intact and active...and ir eally wanted to
but after a while i got tired of chasing after her and i lied to myself saying i didnt care
and i was over her for sure and whatever else...and then i kinda started to focus
on her bestfriend, who i was origannly trying to go fro back then, and shes kool
after i got to know and a bit but barely and from the times i chilled with them and after
a while i was so focused on trying to get with her or at least increase our friendship
and in that time because things would be ackward with rachel so we didnt really
get anywhere and i yeah...*BUT after today* my feelings for her are back
again and even stronger, even though her bestfriend is hot, i still really like her
for all the same reasons as before, and even more reasons now. The day before, after school, i just met them in the halls and i just talked to them...and when i was talking to her it felt
like things were back to normal..she was acting al kool again, calling me a fag and all;
as lame as it is, and pushing me around-ish and hitting me but yeah...so we actually
talked the whole time we were wlaking in the halls and we walked around for
quite some time...where as usually it would be a weird and quick 3-5 second convo
and then itd either be quiet or she'd start talknig to her bestfriend and walk a bit
ahead of me leaving me with her other friend...back to point we actually talked
the whole time and her friends were with her...so after i actually chlled with them in the front and
it wasnt that ackward still a bit cause of her group of friends and stuff but
she like talked to me and i felt as if i was included in their circle or whatever...where as
i would always feel left out and out of the circle and it would look like im just standing there observing them
or just chilling by myself...and then like i said in the beginning i decided to tell her, even though
i knew about the two poker games i was going to play to earn money for my drums...
and i told her oh hey ill come to school in the morning then and meet you people up...
so next day comes im there...and then we eventually meet up...her original plans
with her other friends kinda got messed up..but yeah we ended up walking around school and
just chilling in front of a classroom...and for a bit i was out of the convo cause they were
talknig to their other friends about there plans..but afterwards things were okay-ish abit...
and then because there other friend was going somewhere with her boyfriend..they made
and agreement that if they came to the assembly then theyd come with us...and we went for a bit and
eventually elft like 5/10 minutes before the end so i pretty much stayed the whole day at school
ew..anyways, we talked and stuff as we were trying to escape the assembly...and also while
we were waiting on the other friend to change and the other friend to sneak out with her boy boy
and while we werwe roaming the halls to get stuff from each others lockers and going to the washroom
we still talked...and that was awesome. From there going to town station...i was at the back and they
were in the middle so that was neutral..but when we got into the rt things went good-ish...we listened
to music on my mp3...and she has good taste same as me which i like...and she found my paris hilton
album haha and she listened to a song from it...and she hates riding the bus subway rt or whatever like
that because she gets sick or feels sick because yeah its weird but its okay...so my music actually helped
her a bit in feeling better and yeah we went down to subway...from there we just had some small
talk not much...im guessing cause she was feeling sick again cause she was on the
subway but yeah...so we were just listening to my mp3 player the way down...and when we got there
thats when things just...went so right...where it felt so right, went to h&M cause i asked them to
and from there we walked to boat house and yeah we went in the store...she seperated a bit
so she can call her friend who knows what her other friend wants, so she chatted with her for a bit
and since it was only me and ehr that was into the style of boathouse and know whats in the store
the other 3 with us jsut wandered together while me and rach just went around, seperately, looking
for our own shit, so from there i eventually tried helping her look for something for her friend
so i was helping her cause i guess i had the same style..but at this time is when i felt
as if i was actally meant to cme and not be a tag along..i actually felt as if we were just there
for each other so we were jsut there together and the others were tag alongs...like as if the day was meant
for us and not for her and her friends...so anywho we walked and talked in boathouse for a while...
and then after a lnog time we found her friends again and they seemed really lost...from there
we decided to leave for winners in search of some "cheap" skater stufff...and this time we
were actually leading the "pack" so me and her were in the front and we were actually talknig to each other
not like forced conversations as it was way before but actually conversation...and we got to the food court
at college whatever and we ate there..sometimes and stuff...and bought her food and kinda shared mine
with her and grace and then while they were in the washroom i took lsoer pictures of myself
on their camera hah..from there the other three had to go home early...so it was just me and her
and i was REALLY surprised because, if it was how it was the day before...she probably woudlnt have
wanted that because it was have been really weird and ackward..but from there yeah..her friends left
and then it was just us to...for the FIRST time ever since end of june...and it felt really good, and i felt
so good about how we were talknig and stuff and how it was just us and how good things were going,
im crying on the inside because it made me so happy...from winners we ahd some fun just looknig for
clothes for her friends and stuff and we were there for a LONG time...so yeah after a while of
talking and looknig...we thought about the gifts rationally because we stumbled upon two shirts
she wanted foir ehrself...but she really need to spend the money on her friends first and she
spent some time deciding what to do, which shirt to pick and what presents to get...but after a while
she though of her friends first...but i had a surprise in mind...so i asked her which one she liked better
of the two shirts and she didnt know cause they both had there own special thing...and i was actually
gonna steal one for her even thoguh i had a feelnig i was gonna get booked, because one for some
reason had no sensor thingy on it(but i decided not to because i know she doesnt want me to stea,
and ididnt wanna get her mad since she didnt want me doing it) back on track so yeah
i took the other one and i kinda hid it and i told her that i was gonna look at the guys section for
some stuff and to wait here...so i went to the guys section......for five seconds and then to the
cashier with one of the shirts and i bought them...when i went back i found her looking for me and she was wodnering where i went...and whens he turned her back i put the shirt in the plastic bag from
another present of hers...so we just continued with our journey, normal things just talking
went back to boathouse and decided on which purse to get her friend..from there we went back to
the station and we saw allen and i was surprised she knew him..sall scene there and anyways...kept
trying to bug her and be like so what did candy get you(so shed open the bag and see the shirt i got her)
but she was like here look yourself and i was like oh no you look...eventually she said shed just show me on the subway...and she opened it and she was like shocked...and she was telling me how i didnt have to
and stuff like that and whyd you do that and you nerd or jerk or whatever things like that BUT for me the
hardest thing to tell right now...is to figure out if its one of those good whyd you do that or the bad whyd
you do that...and i think it was bad because...things got a bit ackward again...we were a kinda quiet on
the subway..but my reasoning was because she ahtes riding and she gets sick so yeah...and at kennedy we talked again a bit and then on the rt too trying to get her out of trouble and thinknig of ideas to
help her out of trouble...anywho at the end when we got to town...i thought she was gonna at least or at most give me a hugh because i got her the present...but then she was kinda in a rush and just left...
...so i dont know if she was just trying not to give me a hug OR if she was just really in a rush, because
she told her dad she was at town and he was waiting outside, and was focused on the lie we thought up
but after that day...despite all those weird or ackward things or doubtable moments...i still havent felt that
good..and i just want it to stay like this forever, or not forever like you know what i mean i just want it to
stay the way it is or eve get better...because the way it is now...it makes me so happy..i fell the bestest
ive ever felt...and as you can see im clearly not over her and after today my feelings for her have just
grown to their highest...and i just cant get it off my mind...what do i do now...how do i not screw up or fuck things up..did the shirt fuck things up...how do i kmeep this going...even thoguh i told her id call...should i call her when i get back, should i call her tomorrow, or in a couple of days...should i just call her once or keep calling her like every ngiht...or call her every other night or just whenever...how do i do this properly and right...and for me in this case there is no such thing as go with the flow because there is no flow in this
you go with the flow if you have nothing to lose or if you dont mind if you lose whatever...but i dont wanna lose this again..this moments the moments, how it was before...i dont want to mess up again by either not acting at all or enough or by acting too much or even acting at all...i simply ont want to lose you, i dont want to lose us...again
---
"why do i miss you miss you so much,
i wanna stop this hurt inside
oh baby please, give us one more try"
i missed how we were i missed it so much
and after realizing great it was, it hurts me inside to know that i messed up
and once again...i miss this...and all i can ask or hope
wish, beg, or pray is that....
.
.
.
.
.
.
you could possible give US one more try...