'sorry i came without an invitation, just wanted to be loved...'
Deep breaths...
Today i almost started crying in 3rd and 4th hour. That just makes me feel like theres something wrong w/ me...having my eyes well up with tears in the middle of class. Hearing people go "Jen you dont look so good are you ok" or "Jen you look way to stressed" i am. There are only 5 weeks left of school. I have to kick ass this quarter to get my gpa awesome. I have to finish the meaps off tomorrow...ap lang on monday then before i know it i have finals and just when i think i'm done w/ school...i have to retake the act. it just seems like i'm constantly going from here on. Its a bit stressful... Friday is Moms birthday...Sunday is Dannys (have no idea what to get him). I feel like I'm on the outside of everything with this whole prom deal. I'm listening to people being liek "o so u, me and our dates will do this and blah blah" and "where should we have pictures" "oh i'm soo excited" "its gonna be such an amazing night" hmmm Someones not included in all of this excitment and its getting to the point where it just feels shitty. Tickets go on sale next monday...the dance is in 17 days. I have a dress, i have shoes, i have a purse, Mrs. Rogers can PROBABLY do my hair (otherwise i'll do it myself)...i'm just missing the key thing. Yea i can go stag whatever...allll of my friends have dates.
Relationships are killing me. I dont know what i feel anymore. I think i feel one thing and then someone TELLS me another thing? hmm that doesnt sound right. Being afraid to get to know someone better because of what someones said to you isnt to inviting. (that sentence made no sense). Getting to know someone is the most fun part about a relationship...finding out what you have in common, what their favorite things are, what you disagree on, the little things that you learn abotu the other person. that sense of the relatoinship (even if its just a friendship) is the best part...why do i feel afraid to do that. Guys are overwhelming me. As much as i feel like i want a guy in my life right now...it pains me to think about it. My heart is tender...i have my guard up strong right now and i'm not taking it down for anyone. i get that pushy feeling when someone puts their hand on my arm in the hall way...like "ahh dont touch me" type feeling. :-/
I dont even know. I vent here...I vent to people...i'm not a positive person anymore and I HATE that. I hate people coming up to me and asking me whats wrong. Or saying i sound depressing. BUt i cant help it. i feel bad venting to everyone...just someone tell me to shut the hell up and get over myself. This whole world isnt about me...yet here i am continuing to vent. I want to appologize to all of you that put up w/ me daily. Listening to my petty ranting about nothings...i nkow how you so much want to just punch me in the face and i appreciate you listening to me. It means so much. Once school is over...and all this stress is gone i promise Happy Jenny will be back.
...Summer can not come soon enough...
Today i almost started crying in 3rd and 4th hour. That just makes me feel like theres something wrong w/ me...having my eyes well up with tears in the middle of class. Hearing people go "Jen you dont look so good are you ok" or "Jen you look way to stressed" i am. There are only 5 weeks left of school. I have to kick ass this quarter to get my gpa awesome. I have to finish the meaps off tomorrow...ap lang on monday then before i know it i have finals and just when i think i'm done w/ school...i have to retake the act. it just seems like i'm constantly going from here on. Its a bit stressful... Friday is Moms birthday...Sunday is Dannys (have no idea what to get him). I feel like I'm on the outside of everything with this whole prom deal. I'm listening to people being liek "o so u, me and our dates will do this and blah blah" and "where should we have pictures" "oh i'm soo excited" "its gonna be such an amazing night" hmmm Someones not included in all of this excitment and its getting to the point where it just feels shitty. Tickets go on sale next monday...the dance is in 17 days. I have a dress, i have shoes, i have a purse, Mrs. Rogers can PROBABLY do my hair (otherwise i'll do it myself)...i'm just missing the key thing. Yea i can go stag whatever...allll of my friends have dates.
Relationships are killing me. I dont know what i feel anymore. I think i feel one thing and then someone TELLS me another thing? hmm that doesnt sound right. Being afraid to get to know someone better because of what someones said to you isnt to inviting. (that sentence made no sense). Getting to know someone is the most fun part about a relationship...finding out what you have in common, what their favorite things are, what you disagree on, the little things that you learn abotu the other person. that sense of the relatoinship (even if its just a friendship) is the best part...why do i feel afraid to do that. Guys are overwhelming me. As much as i feel like i want a guy in my life right now...it pains me to think about it. My heart is tender...i have my guard up strong right now and i'm not taking it down for anyone. i get that pushy feeling when someone puts their hand on my arm in the hall way...like "ahh dont touch me" type feeling. :-/
I dont even know. I vent here...I vent to people...i'm not a positive person anymore and I HATE that. I hate people coming up to me and asking me whats wrong. Or saying i sound depressing. BUt i cant help it. i feel bad venting to everyone...just someone tell me to shut the hell up and get over myself. This whole world isnt about me...yet here i am continuing to vent. I want to appologize to all of you that put up w/ me daily. Listening to my petty ranting about nothings...i nkow how you so much want to just punch me in the face and i appreciate you listening to me. It means so much. Once school is over...and all this stress is gone i promise Happy Jenny will be back.
...Summer can not come soon enough...