I dont know what to think or how to feel today!!
I dont know what to think or how to feel today!!
I really dont i have had this look on my face all day
I mean i normally have a sparkle in my eye or at least a bit of a smile, somthing is wrong and i cant figure it out, i have felt it all day, like something is missing, somthing has died..... I have felt this way better, but i cant remeber what was wrong.... that is another thing my memory has gone up the shoot!!
I have noticed i am doing my bad habit, when i dont like a place or a job i end up stuffing up on purpose... knowing it is wrong, but my body still does it with out my minds consent, or me even waking up to it until after i have done it! then i have to explain my self and tell the truth, which 6/10 is easier to say a lie but get caught up later on..... and hope like hell my boss doesnt fire me!
Also i am being alot more of a slob, i have dishes that are just piling up, and i rinse things if i need them and clean them with a dirty tea towel, i have a nice pile of washing as i enter my bedroom...... what am i doing to myself, i am not happy! the weekend is only two days away i will tidy up everything then and hopefully i will feel a bit better *fingers crossed*
Here is a pic of me last night, with my dog whistle in my mouth, that my boss said i shouldnt practice around the cows, because they dont like it *FUCK YOU BOSS* how the hell else am i ment to practice, and when i loaded them in with my whistle i hardly had to push any of them up, and they were nice and quiet! the shed is behind me in the pic!
On a slightly better and not so down note we got 8 calves in today!! calving is finially getting into swing! so my herd is up to 30 odd not long now until we get a full row!
WE got our NEW TRACTOR today, it looks so sparkly and clean!! and to make things even better it is a John Deere 600 Series
I was playing around with my defintion button on my digi camera, i will put a picture of the whole tractor up at a later date... as i am too tired to even bother cutting one down, putting it on photo_bucket and posting it!
This is where the high pressure hoses join up to, to let the transmission fluid go into our moveable parts eg. soft arms, feed out wagon, bucket... it is so clean and tidy i just had to take a photo!
I was inside and i herd my boss's son Quinton say "Man thats a cool Tractor" it is a really nice tractor and i cant wait until i get to drive tommorow!
Your so vein (song is playing on the radio)........... on that note i have decided to take down my mirror in my bedroom, because every morning when i get up i look in it and point out my faultsin my head and re-check in the mirror and then do the complusary stand to the side and see how fat i am today, then get dressed watching myself in the mirror, i have only just started doing this (or noticed it lately) i think it is because of my mother always comenting on my weight and how i look/dress, i even wear tidy clothes if i know i am going any where near her...... i dunno, i think i might leave it down until the end of calving or might just leave it down!
Fuck........ arrrgghhhh....... so many quries....... not many answers.......... FUCK... i'm off to bed i feel weird and un-happy and i have just had a shower, and eaten two minute noodles just for the fact i cant be arsed cooking anything!
Jj
I really dont i have had this look on my face all day
I mean i normally have a sparkle in my eye or at least a bit of a smile, somthing is wrong and i cant figure it out, i have felt it all day, like something is missing, somthing has died..... I have felt this way better, but i cant remeber what was wrong.... that is another thing my memory has gone up the shoot!!
I have noticed i am doing my bad habit, when i dont like a place or a job i end up stuffing up on purpose... knowing it is wrong, but my body still does it with out my minds consent, or me even waking up to it until after i have done it! then i have to explain my self and tell the truth, which 6/10 is easier to say a lie but get caught up later on..... and hope like hell my boss doesnt fire me!
Also i am being alot more of a slob, i have dishes that are just piling up, and i rinse things if i need them and clean them with a dirty tea towel, i have a nice pile of washing as i enter my bedroom...... what am i doing to myself, i am not happy! the weekend is only two days away i will tidy up everything then and hopefully i will feel a bit better *fingers crossed*
Here is a pic of me last night, with my dog whistle in my mouth, that my boss said i shouldnt practice around the cows, because they dont like it *FUCK YOU BOSS* how the hell else am i ment to practice, and when i loaded them in with my whistle i hardly had to push any of them up, and they were nice and quiet! the shed is behind me in the pic!
On a slightly better and not so down note we got 8 calves in today!! calving is finially getting into swing! so my herd is up to 30 odd not long now until we get a full row!
WE got our NEW TRACTOR today, it looks so sparkly and clean!! and to make things even better it is a John Deere 600 Series
I was playing around with my defintion button on my digi camera, i will put a picture of the whole tractor up at a later date... as i am too tired to even bother cutting one down, putting it on photo_bucket and posting it!
This is where the high pressure hoses join up to, to let the transmission fluid go into our moveable parts eg. soft arms, feed out wagon, bucket... it is so clean and tidy i just had to take a photo!
I was inside and i herd my boss's son Quinton say "Man thats a cool Tractor" it is a really nice tractor and i cant wait until i get to drive tommorow!
Your so vein (song is playing on the radio)........... on that note i have decided to take down my mirror in my bedroom, because every morning when i get up i look in it and point out my faultsin my head and re-check in the mirror and then do the complusary stand to the side and see how fat i am today, then get dressed watching myself in the mirror, i have only just started doing this (or noticed it lately) i think it is because of my mother always comenting on my weight and how i look/dress, i even wear tidy clothes if i know i am going any where near her...... i dunno, i think i might leave it down until the end of calving or might just leave it down!
Fuck........ arrrgghhhh....... so many quries....... not many answers.......... FUCK... i'm off to bed i feel weird and un-happy and i have just had a shower, and eaten two minute noodles just for the fact i cant be arsed cooking anything!
Jj