september 13, 2005, a day of misery

[j_juice24]

Yea well I have not written in awhile but today ultimately sux so I feel prompted to write out my troubles. Well it all started last nite when brandon and I started talking on the phone about homecoming. And lets just cut to the chase he wants to dance with other girls. wtf I will not be able to handle that. I am naturally a very jealous person. I am not going to be jealous that brandon is dancing with another girl its the fact that I want to dance with my boyfriend and every other girl has an advantage over me because they are not brandons girlfriend and he wants to dance with them. I want to dance with my boyfriend and not anybody else. And its not like anybody else will want to dance with brandon robinsons girlfriend because some people wont do that because brandon is their friend. That gets me mad thats the whole guilty by association thing. But then when I tried to talk to him I apologized for being mean but I thought it would have been just a tad bit considerate if he apologized also. I mean thats not news that a person gets everyday thats hard. Every so often I get down and I start crying like right now but what can I do. I just dont understand because he says I never apologize but I do today is perfect example. He told zavier to tell me to find my own ride home today yea like thats not mean and doesn't deserve apology lets not forget about when I tried to talk to him and he wouldn't look me in my face. Do guys not realize that this is the type of thing that hurts people. Whatever I guess he doesn't care. It feels like I rewinded my life to last year just different people and someone push the replay button. I hate this crap. Whatever I don't care anymore I guess we will just do what we want that day and hope it turns out fine I just don't want it to be a bad night. I can stay my body home for that. I think at this point the only reason I am going is because I already bought a dress. Maybe it wont be so bad. Anyways I need some solace comment if you care I am really down in the dumps right now life sucks.
luv me always
jacque