Dear Diary
Dear Diary,
So I have found you again after all these years. I only seem to need you when I'm sad. I can't possibly catch you up on everything that's been going on in my lige, but let me at least let you know whats going on now.
Travel is a major staple in my life. It seems it's all I do. I'm not sure the effect it's having on me. I guess I haven't taken the time to reflect. Obviously that's one of the major problems. Reflection. I close myself off. Not wanting to let what's in the mirror of my life stare back at me. I never take the time to feel the effects of my choices. Maybe it's because I would be ashamed, maybe afraid. I realize I have avoided my pain for as long as I can remember. It's what I've been taught. Be strong little one...Things can only get better. As life goes racing by me, all the while my sould goes on with sickness. Yes, sickness. It feels like it's ailing. Because the one that should eb nursing it is too busy trying to succeed and be accepted. I'm certainly scared that if I try to fix what has broken in me, so long ago, I may not succeed. So I go on faking that I am whole, proud, and strong...
Nikki used to call me her "Gypsy." I always laughed when she said that, because I know it's not only from all my travels. My heart is a gypsy-continuously searching for a home, fighting within itself, wandering whether it is weak or even right for that matter to be searching in the first place. Loneliness is what it feels like. I don't really know what the urgency is I feel: loneliness or complete heartbreak? But I fight it, saying it can't be broken. I still have hope that I will find peace within myself, and that must be what it's about.
So I have found you again after all these years. I only seem to need you when I'm sad. I can't possibly catch you up on everything that's been going on in my lige, but let me at least let you know whats going on now.
Travel is a major staple in my life. It seems it's all I do. I'm not sure the effect it's having on me. I guess I haven't taken the time to reflect. Obviously that's one of the major problems. Reflection. I close myself off. Not wanting to let what's in the mirror of my life stare back at me. I never take the time to feel the effects of my choices. Maybe it's because I would be ashamed, maybe afraid. I realize I have avoided my pain for as long as I can remember. It's what I've been taught. Be strong little one...Things can only get better. As life goes racing by me, all the while my sould goes on with sickness. Yes, sickness. It feels like it's ailing. Because the one that should eb nursing it is too busy trying to succeed and be accepted. I'm certainly scared that if I try to fix what has broken in me, so long ago, I may not succeed. So I go on faking that I am whole, proud, and strong...
Nikki used to call me her "Gypsy." I always laughed when she said that, because I know it's not only from all my travels. My heart is a gypsy-continuously searching for a home, fighting within itself, wandering whether it is weak or even right for that matter to be searching in the first place. Loneliness is what it feels like. I don't really know what the urgency is I feel: loneliness or complete heartbreak? But I fight it, saying it can't be broken. I still have hope that I will find peace within myself, and that must be what it's about.