(no subject)
What I really wanna know, my baby
Oooh, what I really wanna say is there's just one
Way back and I'll make it, yeah
My soul will have to wait.
Yeah, yeah, yeah
there are red flags going up all over inside of me, but i cannot stop myself from ignoring their presence. life was meant to live. it's just too bad that i set myself up to live it in some of the more hurtful ways. my heart is a glutton for punishment. deceitful above all things.
everything has spun out of control in obscure ways and i don't know how to go back nor do i think i want to go back. truth is, i like where i am for the most part, but i also know that where i am is dangerous ground.
Walking around all day trying to concentrate on other matters and all that runs through my mind is trailer hitches, hand palm kisses, and my heart's stiches.(how cliche)
i remember being very young and finding peace only when i prayed to God. i would pray every night, usually for the same thing. obvious things that i knew i would make it through or recieve or would not happen. then there is a gray area where so much fucked up shit happened and i thought that i left God because i felt that God had left me, but what i am realizing is that i never stopped praying. i just stopped agnowledging that i still relied on late night, dark room prayers to make me feel like that obvious thing was capable of happening and being great.
What i am realizing the most is that as i've gotten older, i've stopped praying for the obvious and started praying for the impossible. It's strange to see such variances in belief from person to person. It's strange that i don't consider myself religious when i find myself believing in religious practices and in eyes and hands that i can never see.
I wonder if i will ever decide to abandon a grey area in my mind.
Some people make me abandon it. Even if for just one second everything is solid black and white. I find that as of late I pine to be around them every waking second of my life.
Oooh, what I really wanna say is there's just one
Way back and I'll make it, yeah
My soul will have to wait.
Yeah, yeah, yeah
there are red flags going up all over inside of me, but i cannot stop myself from ignoring their presence. life was meant to live. it's just too bad that i set myself up to live it in some of the more hurtful ways. my heart is a glutton for punishment. deceitful above all things.
everything has spun out of control in obscure ways and i don't know how to go back nor do i think i want to go back. truth is, i like where i am for the most part, but i also know that where i am is dangerous ground.
Walking around all day trying to concentrate on other matters and all that runs through my mind is trailer hitches, hand palm kisses, and my heart's stiches.(how cliche)
i remember being very young and finding peace only when i prayed to God. i would pray every night, usually for the same thing. obvious things that i knew i would make it through or recieve or would not happen. then there is a gray area where so much fucked up shit happened and i thought that i left God because i felt that God had left me, but what i am realizing is that i never stopped praying. i just stopped agnowledging that i still relied on late night, dark room prayers to make me feel like that obvious thing was capable of happening and being great.
What i am realizing the most is that as i've gotten older, i've stopped praying for the obvious and started praying for the impossible. It's strange to see such variances in belief from person to person. It's strange that i don't consider myself religious when i find myself believing in religious practices and in eyes and hands that i can never see.
I wonder if i will ever decide to abandon a grey area in my mind.
Some people make me abandon it. Even if for just one second everything is solid black and white. I find that as of late I pine to be around them every waking second of my life.