(no subject)
I excused myself from the reunion of sorts happening in the living room and came up to Justin's room, phone in my hand. Without thinking I dialed his cell phone. When I heard his voice I had the urge to hang up. Calling him didn't seem like such a good idea anymore and everything I'd wanted to say seemed to be erased from my mind.
The conversation was mostly filled with small talk and awkward silences. I did ask him something that has been playing on my mind constantly and I got the answer I was already half expecting. Did the confirmation help at all? No, not really. The only way it probably helped was it stops me from driving myself insane, wondering.
He has an upcoming gig in a couple of weeks and I asked if we could meet up while he was in LA. I've never been a big fan of deep and meaningful phone conversations, I prefer being able to see the person's facial expressions and body language. That often reveals more than the words spoken. He said yes, so on the 19th we're going to meet up for coffee.
I'm not doing this in hopes of changing his mind or anything of that sort. I'm doing this because there is a lot of stuff that has been left unsaid - on both sides. Maybe I'm looking for some sort of closure. I need to tell him everything that's on my mind. I also need to hear things from him.
I don't know, nothing makes sense at the moment. I can't get what I'm thinking or feeling into words. It's all lodged inside of me, waiting to come out but I keep holding it back. I'm not ready to pour my heart out and to make myself...vulnerable, I guess.
For now, I'm not going to dwell on things. I'll deal with everything as it unravels. Right now, I'm going to focus on my best friend. This is her weekend and I'm not going to spoil it by being all depressed.
The conversation was mostly filled with small talk and awkward silences. I did ask him something that has been playing on my mind constantly and I got the answer I was already half expecting. Did the confirmation help at all? No, not really. The only way it probably helped was it stops me from driving myself insane, wondering.
He has an upcoming gig in a couple of weeks and I asked if we could meet up while he was in LA. I've never been a big fan of deep and meaningful phone conversations, I prefer being able to see the person's facial expressions and body language. That often reveals more than the words spoken. He said yes, so on the 19th we're going to meet up for coffee.
I'm not doing this in hopes of changing his mind or anything of that sort. I'm doing this because there is a lot of stuff that has been left unsaid - on both sides. Maybe I'm looking for some sort of closure. I need to tell him everything that's on my mind. I also need to hear things from him.
I don't know, nothing makes sense at the moment. I can't get what I'm thinking or feeling into words. It's all lodged inside of me, waiting to come out but I keep holding it back. I'm not ready to pour my heart out and to make myself...vulnerable, I guess.
For now, I'm not going to dwell on things. I'll deal with everything as it unravels. Right now, I'm going to focus on my best friend. This is her weekend and I'm not going to spoil it by being all depressed.